DEAR ABBY: Whenever I see a pregnant woman or an elderly person in line behind me who seems uncomfortable or tired, I always want to let them go ahead of me. Is this regarded as a nice gesture, or does it make them feel pathetic and helpless? I do it with the best intentions, but I don't want to offend anyone. -- RACHEL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR RACHEL: It's regarded as a thoughtful gesture. If someone feels that your deference is offensive, then he or she is free to refuse your generous offer. And if that happens -- which I doubt will happen frequently -- do not blame yourself for having extended the courtesy.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a hospital, and I'm sick and tired of people "bombing" us with their perfume/cologne at levels as suffocating as tear gas. Many patients here have breathing difficulties such as emphysema, COPD and asthma. Please have some consideration for your fellow man and stop at one squirt if you must use it at all. If we can smell you before we see you, or if we are still suffering from the perfume-induced migraine you caused long after you're gone, then you used way too much. -- HAD ENOUGH IN BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: You're absolutely right. When it comes to fragrances, more isn't better -- a little dab will do ya. Applying too much is not only offensive, but actually can make some well people sick and sick people sicker. And this is true not only in hospitals, but also in elevators, offices and gyms.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from me on Sept. 26, 2011. It was signed "Looking for a Date -- in the Future." Thank you for printing it, and I'd like to give you an update on my life.

I now realize that men have been approaching me quite frequently, but instead of showing outright interest and asking me for a date, they ask me to "hang out" or if I'm coming over to their place -- as if they're confirming plans we never made. Because of this I have been on a few dates that I didn't realize were dates until after the fact.

But I have also been on several real dates with one particular man I'm now seeing exclusively. When I saw him, I actually took the first step and introduced myself to him instead of waiting for him to notice and approach me. I'm so glad I did because although I always hoped that soul mates exist, I was hesitant to believe that "you just know." But I do! Better yet, he does, too. He's the kindest, most thoughtful, respectful man I have ever met, and I know I'm lucky to have found him.

I feel silly and disappointed in myself for having gotten married before without feeling this way, but I'm happily learning from my mistake. I hope you'll print this so it will give others hope when it feels like there is no hope to be had. Thanks again, Abby. -- HAPPY READER IN TRIANGLE, VA.

DEAR HAPPY READER: You were sweet to write and give me an update. Not all my readers do, and it's always nice to read about happy endings. After reviewing your letter and looking back at the first one you wrote, I'm reminded that sometimes things happen when they're meant to and not before. In other words, you thought men weren't interested in you, but the truth was you weren't ready for them to be. I wish you and your special someone a happy future together.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl who loves music and electronics. I sit on the swing and listen to music on my iPod through my earbuds. I do it at least a half-hour every day -- sometimes more.

When my grandma visited a few weeks ago, she tried to talk to me when I was giving my iPod my undivided attention. When I finally realized she was talking to me, I took my earbuds out so I could hear her. She told me the earbuds were going to make me deaf. (I listen on four or five notches.)

One night we were playing a card game where you have to play really fast and watch a gazillion piles of cards at once. The game made me dizzy, and I said so at the end of the round. Grandma said it was because of my iPod. It was all I could do to say politely, "No, it's not."

Is there a way to tell her to stop blaming my iPod for everything? I consider my iPod a friend. -- MUSIC LOVER IN ARIZONA

DEAR MUSIC LOVER: Loud noises can damage a person's hearing, and there is legitimate concern that the sound levels at which people listen to music cause hearing problems.

However, I suspect your grandmother is less concerned with the damage your iPod will do "on four or five notches" than she is about the fact that you don't give her your full attention when you're spending time together. I'm surprised your parents haven't mentioned to you that showing good manners means being polite, respectful and not ignoring your grandmother when she's trying to talk to you or play a game with you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died unexpectedly eight months ago, leaving me with two young children to raise on my own. My parents are deceased. It has been a long, hard road since then. I have tried to make sure my in-laws continue having contact with my children, encouraging visits to my home and dropping the kids off at their homes when they have asked.

I recently let everyone know that, although I still miss my husband terribly, I have been lonely and I'm ready to start dating again. I was frankly unprepared for the barrage of absolute HATE that was sent my way by my husband's parents and siblings. They have cut off all contact with me and thus my children, which has left me stunned and sent my kids reeling from even more loss in their lives.

Is there something wrong or disrespectful with my wanting companionship and to be happy again? My in-laws seem to expect me to be in mourning forever, which is cruel and incredibly inconsiderate. Please help me find peace with all of this because it's tearing me up inside. -- IN TURMOIL IN DETROIT

DEAR IN TURMOIL: Your former in-laws may have been less upset had you waited a full year before letting "everyone" know that you're ready to start dating and going on with your life. Not knowing them, I can't be sure what has caused them to shun you and their grandchildren, who are their last link to their lost son and brother.

You may find peace through acceptance of the fact that as one chapter in life has closed, another is opening up and you will have a full life ahead of you. That is not wrong. As much as you may have loved your husband, now that he is gone you have every right to continue living a full and happy life with companionship and love. My deepest sympathy to you for the loss of your husband.

DEAR READERS: If you live in a state where daylight saving time is observed, don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour before going to bed tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. Hallelujah -- it'll be lighter later!

DEAR ABBY: My sisters and I grew up in a horrible household with our mother. She was not only OK with the severe abuse and neglect we suffered, she encouraged it. Now grown up, my sisters have moved out of state and have no contact with her. My contact with Mom is limited although I live close to her. My sisters want her to know nothing about them, and they are very cautious.

Recently, one of them had a beautiful baby. I'm happy for her. Because of the abuse she suffered during our childhood it was difficult for her to conceive, so this seems like a miracle.

I was given the news on the condition that Mom is not to know about the baby, nor is anyone who talks to her -- aunts, uncles, children, grandchildren and our cousins. If I don't keep my promise, my sisters will cut me out of their lives, too.

I'm angry about it. I didn't hurt them, Mom did. I went through the same nightmare they experienced. How do I deal with all of this now? -- PRISONER OF THE PAST

DEAR PRISONER: Your sisters have dealt with the abuse they suffered by going away, leaving all reminders behind. You chose to maintain contact with your mother. You have many valid reasons to be angry, but please do not aim your anger at your sisters for wanting to protect themselves from someone who condoned and encouraged their abuse.

Because you are having difficulty with your emotions, contact Childhelp to find the location of a qualified counselor near you. The toll-free number is 800-422-4453 and its website is www.childhelp.org. With professional help, you will be able to finally work through the feelings you have been avoiding for so long and start your own healing.

DEAR ABBY: We have two sons, a toddler and an infant. I'm a stay-at-home mom who plays in the mud, sand and dirt with her boys. I wear my bathing suit or a T-shirt and shorts. Later, we'll take a bath or shower together. It's safer and easier for me to be in the large, deep tub with them. We have bubbles, sing songs and make silly hairdos with shampoo. The boys never touch my body or point to my "parts."

My husband thinks I should be more modest, but I'm the one who nursed them. I'm the one they watch on the potty to learn. My nudity is never sexual in any way. Do you think it's OK for my boys to see me in the buff? -- CAREFREE MOMMY IN SARASOTA

DEAR CAREFREE MOMMY: There is a difference between interacting with your very young boys and being sexually provocative. I see no harm in what you're doing. Be "modest" when the kids are a little older, but for now there's no danger of them building an unhealthy mother fixation.

DEAR ABBY: In the past you have asked readers to tell you their pet peeves. You know what really irks me? It's when a man I haven't seen for many years runs into me and has changed to the point of being unrecognizable -- lost most or all his hair, stomach sagging to his groin and totally out of shape -- and the first thing he says to me is, "Oh, you've gained weight!"

What can I say to these fools without slamming a mirror over their heads because apparently they don't own one? -- NOT THE ONLY CHUBBY ONE IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT THE ONLY: Try this: "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"