life

Meanings of Misspellings Remain Curiously Obscure

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 8th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to respond to the letter from the mother of the 12-year-old boy whose grandmother can't spell his name right. ("His Name Is Joe!"; Jan. 4). The same thing happened to my husband. His grandmother spells his name with a C instead of a K. I have always put K on our cards and letters to her, but I think at her age she's stuck in her habit.

Once she sent my husband a beautiful silver money clip for which she had spent several hundred dollars. She had it engraved with the wrong initials -- including the C. She's such a sweet, lovely woman that, at that point, I insisted he never make reference to the correct spelling of his name again. Engraved items can rarely be returned, and I knew how hurt she'd be knowing she had spelled his name wrong. He called and thanked her profusely for such a generous gift, and we've never brought up the matter since. -- ANNE IN TEXAS

DEAR ANNE: Thank you for writing. I guessed that the grandmother might not have been pleased with the name the boy had been given. Other readers also had hunches about why the grandmother would continue to misspell it. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: I suspect that Grandma doesn't like that particular spelling of the child's name. These days people have come up with unusual spellings for common names. Instead of Rebecca, you have Rebekka. For Ashley, you have Ashlee, Ashleigh and Ashli. Karen can now be Caryn or Caren. This makes it especially difficult for anyone with an unusually spelled name. You can bet that no one will get it right. So I imagine this is Grandma's way of expressing her disapproval of the spelling of the child's name. -- ONLY THE SPELLING HAS BEEN CHANGED

DEAR ABBY: My sweet grandmother misspelled my name every time she wrote to us. She had only a third-grade education, lived in a home with no electricity, raised four girls alone after her husband died and continued to maintain the family farm.

She wrote with a pencil that was sharpened with a knife and spelled my name -- Karen -- the way it sounded to her, "Kron." I was never insulted. I always laughed about the fact that it looked as if my name were that of a cave person.

Of course, I knew she loved me unconditionally. Maybe that is why "HNIJ" seems to have a problem with her son's grandmother. Could it be she feels Grandma doesn't show enough love to the boy? -- CAVE WOMAN KRON

DEAR ABBY: Rather than suggest that Grandma doesn't like the child's name, it may be she's like my mother. Mom has a hearing problem and can't make out sounds, which is why she constantly misspells her grandson's name. -- JOYCE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I made the same mistake with my granddaughter's name -- for 10 years. No one told me her name ended with an "i" and not a "y." Boy, was I ever embarrassed. The misspelling was not deliberate, and I sure wish someone would have pointed out my error sooner. -- JUST UNINFORMED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: My late mother and my father-in-law both misspelled my children's names. Mom even took liberties with my name after I was married. I don't think either one was sending me a message. They just weren't familiar with the particular spelling.

"HNIJ" should give Grandma a framed photo of her grandson with his name (and date of birth, maybe) on a label at the bottom. Seeing his name daily may be all the woman needs to learn the correct spelling. -- BEEN THERE, TOO

life

Forgiveness Can Bring Love Into a World of Uncertainty

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago you printed a poem about forgiveness in your column. It described very well the benefits of the practice, and it was accompanied by a sort of "forgiveness schedule" for every day of the week.

I clipped the column and saved it, but over time I seem to have lost it. Could you please run this piece again? -- DANIELA IN TORONTO

DEAR DANIELA: I'm glad to oblige. The poem you have requested, "Decide to Forgive," was written by the late Robert Muller, former assistant secretary-general of the United Nations. Now, with so much turmoil going on in the nation and in the world, its sentiments are particularly relevant.

This poem is part of a collection of letters, poems and essays that are collected in my booklet "Keepers" because so many Dear Abby readers had clipped them and continue to request that they be reprinted. Here is the poem you have requested:

DECIDE TO FORGIVE

Decide to forgive

For resentment is negative

Resentment is poisonous

Resentment diminishes and devours the self.

Be the first to forgive,

To smile and to take the first step

And you will see happiness bloom

On the face of your human brother or sister.

Be always the first

Do not wait for others to forgive

For by forgiving

You become the master of fate

The fashioner of life

A doer of miracles.

To forgive is the highest,

Most beautiful form of love.

In return you will receive

Untold peace and happiness.

And here is the program for achieving a truly forgiving heart:

SUNDAY: Forgive yourself.

MONDAY: Forgive your family.

TUESDAY: Forgive your friends and associates.

WEDNESDAY: Forgive across economic lines within your own nation.

THURSDAY: Forgive across cultural lines within your own nation.

FRIDAY: Forgive across political lines within your own nation.

SATURDAY: Forgive other nations.

Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives.

It is not in his nature.

Since I cannot reprint the continual avalanche of requests I receive for reprints, for those who desire them, my "Keepers" booklet can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Many people have told me it makes a welcome gift for newlyweds, new parents, animal lovers, those who are grieving, and anyone who is recovering from an illness because it's a quick and easy read, and filled with wisdom and humor on a wide variety of topics.

life

Intrusive Question Diminishes Expectant Mom's Joyful News

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 30s and have been happily married for almost six years. After two years of trying, we're finally expecting our first child.

The problem is, how do we handle questions as to whether or not we conceived naturally? I am appalled by people we hardly know asking if we did in vitro fertilization.

As a matter of fact, we DID conceive using IVF, after having tried numerous other options. We don't see anything wrong with it nor are we ashamed. But I don't think it is anyone else's business. Please help me respond properly without seeming as rude as those who ask. -- INTRUDED ON IN DALLAS

DEAR INTRUDED ON: Handle it by saying, "That is a very personal question and I'd rather not discuss it." That an acquaintance would have such little respect for boundaries to ask this question is appalling, I agree.

life

Dear Abby for March 06, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother retired and since I have a degree and background in finance, she asked me to help her get her finances in order. She held low-paying jobs most of her working life, so I was pleasantly surprised to find she had amassed a substantial amount of money in her retirement and other accounts.

Together, Mom and I developed a budget that will not only pay her bills, but will also give her a certain amount of spending money each month while still allowing her savings to grow. Despite my assurances, she still won't treat herself to dinners out or go on nice vacations even though she says she'd like to do those things. How can I convince her that she deserves those things and she has the money now to enjoy them? -- WANTS THE BEST FOR MOM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WANTS THE BEST FOR MOM: Recognize that the habits of a lifetime can be difficult to break. Your mother might be more open to dinners out if you go together. As to the vacations, do some research for her online or talk to a travel agent and get some brochures for vacation spots you think she might enjoy. It doesn't have to be fancy or exotic -- the greatest adventure can start with baby steps. Be patient and you may find she becomes receptive.

life

Dear Abby for March 06, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of four guys who go on a men's golf trip every year. There's no infidelity -- just three days of golf and fine dining.

I no longer want to go because I'm tired of being the big brother, the referee and the designated driver while the others get drunk and obnoxious and are oblivious to others around us. I am also a physician who treats them and their families in my medical practice. How do I get out of this mess? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. -- THE ODD MAN OUT

DEAR ODD MAN OUT: An effective way to manage it would be to tell them that the dates they have selected for the golf trip "don't work" for you. You don't have to be specific about why -- it could be a family obligation or something related to your practice that makes you unavailable.

HOWEVER, as their physician, if you know these patients drink to such excess that they become obnoxious, oblivious and a danger behind the wheel, it would be in their interests to talk to them about it during their medical exam because they're a danger to themselves and others.

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