DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 30s and have been happily married for almost six years. After two years of trying, we're finally expecting our first child.

The problem is, how do we handle questions as to whether or not we conceived naturally? I am appalled by people we hardly know asking if we did in vitro fertilization.

As a matter of fact, we DID conceive using IVF, after having tried numerous other options. We don't see anything wrong with it nor are we ashamed. But I don't think it is anyone else's business. Please help me respond properly without seeming as rude as those who ask. -- INTRUDED ON IN DALLAS

DEAR INTRUDED ON: Handle it by saying, "That is a very personal question and I'd rather not discuss it." That an acquaintance would have such little respect for boundaries to ask this question is appalling, I agree.

DEAR ABBY: My mother retired and since I have a degree and background in finance, she asked me to help her get her finances in order. She held low-paying jobs most of her working life, so I was pleasantly surprised to find she had amassed a substantial amount of money in her retirement and other accounts.

Together, Mom and I developed a budget that will not only pay her bills, but will also give her a certain amount of spending money each month while still allowing her savings to grow. Despite my assurances, she still won't treat herself to dinners out or go on nice vacations even though she says she'd like to do those things. How can I convince her that she deserves those things and she has the money now to enjoy them? -- WANTS THE BEST FOR MOM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WANTS THE BEST FOR MOM: Recognize that the habits of a lifetime can be difficult to break. Your mother might be more open to dinners out if you go together. As to the vacations, do some research for her online or talk to a travel agent and get some brochures for vacation spots you think she might enjoy. It doesn't have to be fancy or exotic -- the greatest adventure can start with baby steps. Be patient and you may find she becomes receptive.

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of four guys who go on a men's golf trip every year. There's no infidelity -- just three days of golf and fine dining.

I no longer want to go because I'm tired of being the big brother, the referee and the designated driver while the others get drunk and obnoxious and are oblivious to others around us. I am also a physician who treats them and their families in my medical practice. How do I get out of this mess? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. -- THE ODD MAN OUT

DEAR ODD MAN OUT: An effective way to manage it would be to tell them that the dates they have selected for the golf trip "don't work" for you. You don't have to be specific about why -- it could be a family obligation or something related to your practice that makes you unavailable.

HOWEVER, as their physician, if you know these patients drink to such excess that they become obnoxious, oblivious and a danger behind the wheel, it would be in their interests to talk to them about it during their medical exam because they're a danger to themselves and others.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jackson," and I have been in a long-distance relationship for two years. We recently learned that we both have been accepted to our "dream" college, which means we'll live close to each other for the first time. I'm excited, but nervous about what the adjustment will be like.

Jackson is my first boyfriend, so I don't know what it's like to be with someone who can physically be around all the time. Normally, we communicate by phone or video chat and lead our separate lives. But when we visit each other, our days just revolve around the two of us. I miss Jackson when we're apart, but I enjoy having the freedom to study, hang out with friends and have "me time" while still being in a happy relationship.

From what I have heard, college life is fun, but busy. I love Jackson and want to be with him, but I also want to make new friends and focus on schoolwork. (He wants that, too.) I'm afraid that once we get to college we'll either be so wrapped up in each other that we miss out on other stuff, or get so busy with school and friends that we never see each other. Jackson shares my concerns, but neither of us knows how to make sure we strike a good balance. Can you help us? -- ANXIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ANXIOUS: You and your boyfriend need to be sure your priorities are in order when you get to school. First and foremost you're both there to get an education. And aside from academics, a part of that education is developing relationships and availing yourself of experiences beyond the field you will be studying. While spending time together is important, so is balance, so keep in mind that too much togetherness can distract from your studies or even become so claustrophobic that it kills the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I was born in a small Midwestern town in the mid-1960s. An out-of-wedlock pregnancy then was a huge scandal, so my mother married someone who wasn't my father and my biological father vanished. I found out about it at 17 (not from her) and was told the name she claimed belonged to him. It's a very unique name.

I believe I have located him. Part of me wants to contact him -- not to get anything, just to let him know I exist. Allegedly, Mom told him she was pregnant and he refused to marry her, but her truthfulness leaves much to be desired. I haven't been able to find his email address, but I have found a street address.

I'm not sure if I should contact him or not. Would it be too much of a disruption to hear from a daughter he wanted nothing to do with 45 years ago? I don't want to upset him or cause problems in his life, but I need some closure. -- SOMEBODY'S CHILD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SOMEBODY'S CHILD: It may not be a disruption, but it is certain to be a surprise. This would be easier if your mother's word was reliable, but you must work with what you have.

Write the man a letter explaining what you have told me, assuring him you want nothing from him, and giving him the details of your life, including your contact information. Send it by certified mail and request verification of delivery. Then cross your fingers that you have the right man, and that if he is, he has enough character to respond.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 64-year-old healthy widow with no children. I retired a year ago after a successful 42-year career. I am financially sound.

I couldn't wait to retire because my job was demanding, and toward the end it had become extremely stressful. About two months into retirement -- and after taking a few trips -- I began feeling worthless and guilty for being nonproductive. I tried a part-time job, but it wasn't my thing.

I'm now considering another part-time job, volunteering or returning to school. I have always wanted to further my education and get a graduate degree, but I don't know if I'm too old to meet the demands.

I feel like I lost my identity when I stopped working. I know it had to end one day, but I still have a lot of energy and want to engage in some activity that will revive my self-worth.

At this point, I don't know what that will be. Your thoughts and guidance would be greatly appreciated. -- SEARCHING FOR "ME" IN TEXAS

DEAR SEARCHING: Not everyone ages at the same rate. Some people wear out faster than others do. Today, for various reasons -- not all of them financial -- many seniors choose to remain in the business world. Their work ethic and experience are valuable assets.

If you think a graduate degree would be challenging and would help you in a new career, then by all means, go for it.

When people tell me they are thinking of retiring, I always ask, "And what will you be retiring TO?" because I am convinced that retiring to "nothing" is neither physically nor emotionally healthy for individuals who are used to being active.

DEAR ABBY: I bought my aunt, uncle and two teenage cousins gift cards from an online retailer a year and a half ago. I checked with them in advance to see if this might be something they'd use. Six months ago, I noticed in my order history that only one of the cards had been redeemed. I hate to see the money go to waste.

Should I call my relatives? If I do, what do I say? It's possible they just haven't gotten around to using the cards. Should I reprint the cards and send them with a reminder note? (Maybe the cards were lost?) Should I send my relatives a check and use the cards myself? Chalk it up to a loss? That one kills me!

I suppose if I hadn't seen the order history, I would never have known whether the cards had been used. What do you think I should do? -- CONFLICTED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFLICTED: Use the direct approach. Contact your relatives and tell them that while reviewing your account history, you noticed that three of the four gift cards you sent have not been used. Ask if they would like to have them printed out again, if by chance they were lost -- or if they would prefer you send them a check for the value of the cards.

To contact them isn't rude, and it shouldn't be awkward. In fact, it may be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: My wife says I am always wrong. Is she right? -- TONGUE IN MY CHEEK

DEAR CHEEK: Not this time. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.