DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has proposed. I love him very much, but I'm worried about my kids. I look at his children -- his son is 23 and barely made it out of high school. He got a girl pregnant at 17, has been in jail a few times and is an alcoholic. His 15-year-old daughter is immature for her age and constantly getting into trouble at school. Their mother is an alcoholic and a drug user. Are my concerns for my children valid? -- WORRIED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WORRIED: Yes, they are, because your children will be exposed to all of the negative influences that his children will bring with them into your blended family. Be smart and hold off marrying your boyfriend until your children are old enough not to be influenced by his children. Your first concern must be for your children's well-being.

DEAR ABBY: I read your answer to "Thrilled in San Jose" (Dec. 28), the couple who want to celebrate paying off their mortgage, on the same day I read an article about how middle-class Americans have sabotaged themselves by abandoning thrifty habits like saving and ... paying off their mortgages!

I disagree with your answer that the couple should celebrate privately. A generation of Americans now has no idea that paying off a mortgage is even possible. So I say to that couple: Celebrate tastefully and publicly in the same thrifty way that enabled you to pay off that mortgage. And while you're at it, be prepared to share the tips and habits that enabled you to achieve this wonderful success. Who knows? Your party might educate and inspire. -- I'D LIKE AN INVITATION

DEAR I'D LIKE: I was surprised at the number of readers who were fired up over my answer to "Thrilled" about burning the mortgage. Most said that this is a milestone that should be celebrated. My readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: I think it's great to throw a mortgage-burning party to celebrate paying off a home mortgage. Today we go overboard not to offend. True friends would be happy when something good happens and not jealous. How self-centered is that attitude? People need to start feeling happy for the success of others. -- LORI IN GIG HARBOR, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I believe "Thrilled" and her husband should have their mortgage-burning party. Achievements like this should be celebrated. Too often in our country people have piled on debt they couldn't afford and made decisions purely to keep up with "the Joneses." By sharing their success story, including any struggles they may have overcome, they can be an inspiration for the loved ones in their lives to follow. -- DEBBIE IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR ABBY: Please advise "Thrilled" not to actually burn the mortgage. In California the lender has to provide a release document in the form of a Deed of Reconveyance or Satisfaction of Mortgage that must be recorded with the county recorder's office in order to remove the lien of the loan from the chain of title for the house. If the lender doesn't record it, then the borrower must do so -- copies don't count; originals do. If "Thrilled" decided to sell the house and the release has not been recorded, or if she doesn't have the original, it could delay the sale by months. -- LINDA IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: I'm a longtime reader with a question I have never seen in your column: Why don't they put something in pet food to keep dogs and cats from getting pregnant? Then people could control the pet population and it would stop the killing. -- HARRISONBURG, VA., READER

DEAR READER: Your idea is intriguing. However, the reason that contraceptive pet food doesn't exist may have something to do with the cost. Also, the effective dose might vary according to the size and weight of the animals. If a Great Dane wasn't feeling particularly hungry one day, it could wind up a "little" bit pregnant. (Conversely, a Chihuahua with a large appetite could end up sterile for life.)

Seriously, I took your question to Dr. John Winters, a respected veterinarian in Beverly Hills, Calif., who told me there are research trials going on involving oral contraceptives to control the wild animal population, such as coyotes. If one day it is made available for domestic pets, it would have to be by prescription only and dispensed by a veterinarian to ensure the dosage is correct.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Les," enjoys cooking and inviting friends to join us for dinner. I respect people's likes and dislikes when it comes to certain foods, but Les does not. We have discussed it on many occasions and he feels people should be "open-minded, not picky or finicky." We are having two guests over for dinner soon. One does not like onions and the other doesn't care for mushrooms. I reminded Les of this, but he's determined to prepare his spaghetti sauce with lots of onions and mushrooms. This upsets me. As the hostess, I'm embarrassed. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- JUST THE SOUS-CHEF, DES MOINES, IOWA

DEAR JUST THE SOUS-CHEF: That your husband would deliberately serve guests something he knows they dislike shows him to be self-centered and unwilling to extend true hospitality. I don't blame you for feeling embarrassed.

Don't be surprised if your guests eat very little of Les' spaghetti, and prepare for it in advance by having a large salad and garlic bread on hand so they won't go away hungry. In time, your problem may resolve itself, because a person would have to be a glutton for punishment to accept a second dinner invitation at your home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 35 years. The children are grown and on their own now. I am healthy, but find I have absolutely no interest in my spouse -- sexual or otherwise. Habits of his that I overlooked in earlier years really turn me off now.

Don't say "get counseling." I don't want to become close or intimate with him again. I'm not the type to cheat, so I guess I'll just be thankful for the good years I had with my young children.

I have chosen to stay in this marriage so my children and grandchildren won't have to split time visiting. After so many years, staying is just easier. Has anyone ever written to you with a similar situation? -- UNFULFILLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNFULFILLED: Yes, usually after the crisis that happened because the woman's husband felt abandoned and looked elsewhere for the caring and affection he wasn't receiving at home.

The relationship you have described isn't a marriage; it's an "arrangement." If this is what you and your husband are willing to settle for in order to spare your children and grandchildren the inconvenience of visiting you separately, then you both have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore at a religious university that is well regarded in both secular and religious circles. I came here to become a doctor because the pre-med program has an outstanding acceptance rate to medical school.

However, in my third quarter I took a religious studies course and fell in love with the department. I'd like to pursue a career in this field, perhaps as a professor. I have an excellent GPA and am working three jobs.

My problem is that my parents are not supportive. They think I'm being impractical and will end up working in a fast-food restaurant for the rest of my life. I thought they'd be thrilled I have taken such an interest in our faith. Becoming a doctor no longer interests me. How can I convince them that I can major in religious studies and not live in poverty? -- REBEL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REBEL: You shouldn't pursue a career in medicine unless your heart is in it because if it isn't, you won't make a very good doctor. Unless you plan to take a vow of poverty, a career in religion doesn't mean you'll end up living hand-to-mouth. While money is important, it's more important that you devote your life to something that gives you emotional gratification.

DEAR ABBY: As a divorced dad, I'm hoping you'll address a problem I have encountered in trying to co-parent my children. My daughters are often invited to parties and sleepovers, which sometimes happen during my parenting time, as well as during my ex-wife's parenting time. The invitations to these events, however, are almost always sent to my ex-wife's home or email address.

Aside from the problems that have occurred because the information wasn't forwarded to me in a timely manner, I think it's sexist for invitations to be sent only to the mother. It reinforces the outdated notion that a woman's role is to raise children, and a father can't be an active parent. Would you please remind your readers that the most appropriate way of inviting a child who has two households is to send the invitation to both parents? -- MODERN DAD IN ROSWELL, GA.

DEAR MODERN DAD: I think you have delivered that message very clearly. However, if not every reader takes it to heart, make a point of discussing with your ex-wife what activities may have been scheduled for your daughters while they're with you. That way they won't miss out on anything.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on my tongue that has made it extremely difficult and painful to talk. The problem is I don't know how to handle encounters with strangers in public places -- i.e., grocery stores, libraries, etc. I have always been polite and courteous, but now I can do no more than nod. What would you suggest in this situation? -- SUDDENLY SILENCED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SUDDENLY SILENCED: Make eye contact with the people you would normally greet verbally and give them a smile as you are already doing. If someone tries to engage you in conversation, point to your throat, shake you head "no," and mouth the words "can't talk." If you feel further explanation is necessary, have cards printed that state, "I am unable to speak." That way, no one should take offense.