DEAR ABBY: I'm a longtime reader with a question I have never seen in your column: Why don't they put something in pet food to keep dogs and cats from getting pregnant? Then people could control the pet population and it would stop the killing. -- HARRISONBURG, VA., READER

DEAR READER: Your idea is intriguing. However, the reason that contraceptive pet food doesn't exist may have something to do with the cost. Also, the effective dose might vary according to the size and weight of the animals. If a Great Dane wasn't feeling particularly hungry one day, it could wind up a "little" bit pregnant. (Conversely, a Chihuahua with a large appetite could end up sterile for life.)

Seriously, I took your question to Dr. John Winters, a respected veterinarian in Beverly Hills, Calif., who told me there are research trials going on involving oral contraceptives to control the wild animal population, such as coyotes. If one day it is made available for domestic pets, it would have to be by prescription only and dispensed by a veterinarian to ensure the dosage is correct.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Les," enjoys cooking and inviting friends to join us for dinner. I respect people's likes and dislikes when it comes to certain foods, but Les does not. We have discussed it on many occasions and he feels people should be "open-minded, not picky or finicky." We are having two guests over for dinner soon. One does not like onions and the other doesn't care for mushrooms. I reminded Les of this, but he's determined to prepare his spaghetti sauce with lots of onions and mushrooms. This upsets me. As the hostess, I'm embarrassed. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- JUST THE SOUS-CHEF, DES MOINES, IOWA

DEAR JUST THE SOUS-CHEF: That your husband would deliberately serve guests something he knows they dislike shows him to be self-centered and unwilling to extend true hospitality. I don't blame you for feeling embarrassed.

Don't be surprised if your guests eat very little of Les' spaghetti, and prepare for it in advance by having a large salad and garlic bread on hand so they won't go away hungry. In time, your problem may resolve itself, because a person would have to be a glutton for punishment to accept a second dinner invitation at your home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 35 years. The children are grown and on their own now. I am healthy, but find I have absolutely no interest in my spouse -- sexual or otherwise. Habits of his that I overlooked in earlier years really turn me off now.

Don't say "get counseling." I don't want to become close or intimate with him again. I'm not the type to cheat, so I guess I'll just be thankful for the good years I had with my young children.

I have chosen to stay in this marriage so my children and grandchildren won't have to split time visiting. After so many years, staying is just easier. Has anyone ever written to you with a similar situation? -- UNFULFILLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNFULFILLED: Yes, usually after the crisis that happened because the woman's husband felt abandoned and looked elsewhere for the caring and affection he wasn't receiving at home.

The relationship you have described isn't a marriage; it's an "arrangement." If this is what you and your husband are willing to settle for in order to spare your children and grandchildren the inconvenience of visiting you separately, then you both have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore at a religious university that is well regarded in both secular and religious circles. I came here to become a doctor because the pre-med program has an outstanding acceptance rate to medical school.

However, in my third quarter I took a religious studies course and fell in love with the department. I'd like to pursue a career in this field, perhaps as a professor. I have an excellent GPA and am working three jobs.

My problem is that my parents are not supportive. They think I'm being impractical and will end up working in a fast-food restaurant for the rest of my life. I thought they'd be thrilled I have taken such an interest in our faith. Becoming a doctor no longer interests me. How can I convince them that I can major in religious studies and not live in poverty? -- REBEL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REBEL: You shouldn't pursue a career in medicine unless your heart is in it because if it isn't, you won't make a very good doctor. Unless you plan to take a vow of poverty, a career in religion doesn't mean you'll end up living hand-to-mouth. While money is important, it's more important that you devote your life to something that gives you emotional gratification.

DEAR ABBY: As a divorced dad, I'm hoping you'll address a problem I have encountered in trying to co-parent my children. My daughters are often invited to parties and sleepovers, which sometimes happen during my parenting time, as well as during my ex-wife's parenting time. The invitations to these events, however, are almost always sent to my ex-wife's home or email address.

Aside from the problems that have occurred because the information wasn't forwarded to me in a timely manner, I think it's sexist for invitations to be sent only to the mother. It reinforces the outdated notion that a woman's role is to raise children, and a father can't be an active parent. Would you please remind your readers that the most appropriate way of inviting a child who has two households is to send the invitation to both parents? -- MODERN DAD IN ROSWELL, GA.

DEAR MODERN DAD: I think you have delivered that message very clearly. However, if not every reader takes it to heart, make a point of discussing with your ex-wife what activities may have been scheduled for your daughters while they're with you. That way they won't miss out on anything.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on my tongue that has made it extremely difficult and painful to talk. The problem is I don't know how to handle encounters with strangers in public places -- i.e., grocery stores, libraries, etc. I have always been polite and courteous, but now I can do no more than nod. What would you suggest in this situation? -- SUDDENLY SILENCED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SUDDENLY SILENCED: Make eye contact with the people you would normally greet verbally and give them a smile as you are already doing. If someone tries to engage you in conversation, point to your throat, shake you head "no," and mouth the words "can't talk." If you feel further explanation is necessary, have cards printed that state, "I am unable to speak." That way, no one should take offense.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in a medical clinic for 35 years and hear a lot of complaints about the wait for doctor appointments. May I explain some of the reasons for it?

Sometimes the doctor arrives late, but other factors can cause delays:

1. If you need to be seen, call first to get an appointment time. Most offices leave open spots to accommodate urgent-care matters. If you just walk in, we must work you in with patients who already have appointments, which pushes the doctor behind.

2. Do NOT come an hour early and announce in front of the entire waiting room that you must be somewhere and expect to get worked in before your scheduled time. Reschedule instead.

3. Always bring your insurance cards with you. Do not tell us to call another doctor's office to get the information.

4. Don't walk in with forms you need filled out and signed by the doctor and expect someone to take care of it immediately. It requires your chart to be pulled, a nurse to fill out the information and the doctor to look over the form and sign. Instead, leave the form. We'll mail it or call you to pick it up.

5. Don't expect to call the office and speak with the doctor in the middle of a clinic day. A nurse can usually handle the question. If not, she'll have the doctor call you back after seeing the scheduled patients. -- GENTLE REMINDER IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR GENTLE: Thank you for the reminders, which may help readers avoid some of the frustrations they encounter when going for a medical appointment. They are well worth the space in my column.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have become fond of a delightful elderly couple, "Frank" and "Annie." We bought the home across the street from them 10 years ago. They have four children, two of whom live nearby.

Two years ago, Frank was diagnosed with dementia. They are adamant about staying in the house they've owned since they were newlyweds. This means more of the burden of caring for the house and finances now falls to Annie, who has health problems of her own.

We help out whenever we can, because I know money is tight for them. When their lawnmower broke, we bought them a new one, and with the help of another neighbor, we take care of general yardwork and house issues.

I am growing increasingly concerned about the state of their finances, and bewildered that their children never seem to help. They interact with their parents at birthdays and on holidays. I don't know the children well, but is there a way to help them understand that their parents may not be volunteering all their troubles?

Frank and Annie are proud of what they've accomplished, but now they need a little extra support. They never ask for help, but gratefully accept it if it's offered. Would I be out of line to communicate with our neighbors' family? -- LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

DEAR LOVE THY NEIGHBOR: Out of line? Not at all. The "children" should be told about your concerns, and also the various things you and the other neighbors have been doing to help their parents. Sometimes the children of aging parents don't recognize the subtle changes that take place when a loved one has dementia. Bring it out in the open, and you'll be doing all of them a favor.