DEAR ABBY: I have worked in a medical clinic for 35 years and hear a lot of complaints about the wait for doctor appointments. May I explain some of the reasons for it?

Sometimes the doctor arrives late, but other factors can cause delays:

1. If you need to be seen, call first to get an appointment time. Most offices leave open spots to accommodate urgent-care matters. If you just walk in, we must work you in with patients who already have appointments, which pushes the doctor behind.

2. Do NOT come an hour early and announce in front of the entire waiting room that you must be somewhere and expect to get worked in before your scheduled time. Reschedule instead.

3. Always bring your insurance cards with you. Do not tell us to call another doctor's office to get the information.

4. Don't walk in with forms you need filled out and signed by the doctor and expect someone to take care of it immediately. It requires your chart to be pulled, a nurse to fill out the information and the doctor to look over the form and sign. Instead, leave the form. We'll mail it or call you to pick it up.

5. Don't expect to call the office and speak with the doctor in the middle of a clinic day. A nurse can usually handle the question. If not, she'll have the doctor call you back after seeing the scheduled patients. -- GENTLE REMINDER IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR GENTLE: Thank you for the reminders, which may help readers avoid some of the frustrations they encounter when going for a medical appointment. They are well worth the space in my column.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have become fond of a delightful elderly couple, "Frank" and "Annie." We bought the home across the street from them 10 years ago. They have four children, two of whom live nearby.

Two years ago, Frank was diagnosed with dementia. They are adamant about staying in the house they've owned since they were newlyweds. This means more of the burden of caring for the house and finances now falls to Annie, who has health problems of her own.

We help out whenever we can, because I know money is tight for them. When their lawnmower broke, we bought them a new one, and with the help of another neighbor, we take care of general yardwork and house issues.

I am growing increasingly concerned about the state of their finances, and bewildered that their children never seem to help. They interact with their parents at birthdays and on holidays. I don't know the children well, but is there a way to help them understand that their parents may not be volunteering all their troubles?

Frank and Annie are proud of what they've accomplished, but now they need a little extra support. They never ask for help, but gratefully accept it if it's offered. Would I be out of line to communicate with our neighbors' family? -- LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

DEAR LOVE THY NEIGHBOR: Out of line? Not at all. The "children" should be told about your concerns, and also the various things you and the other neighbors have been doing to help their parents. Sometimes the children of aging parents don't recognize the subtle changes that take place when a loved one has dementia. Bring it out in the open, and you'll be doing all of them a favor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Roman" for 13 years. He has always been a man of few words who didn't initiate much on his own, so I stepped up to bat and did everything. I took over all aspects of our married life -- from bill paying to home maintenance to romance. He would tell me how grateful he was to me for doing it.

His adult daughters from a previous marriage have always been cold to me, and I recently found out why. It turns out Roman made up horrible, untrue stories behind my back. He painted himself as the victim of abuse! His daughters staged an "intervention" to save their dad, and Roman went along with them. He cleared out our bank accounts, hid money and assets and filed for divorce. I was stunned.

Abby, he went along with the charade for a week -- until his guilt got the better of him, and he admitted he had made it all up. He claims he doesn't want to divorce me after all. He said he made up the stories to get his daughters' attention.

Roman and I are now going through counseling, and I am assuming responsibility for my part in this mess. He harbors strong resentment toward me and resorted to passive-aggressive revenge. We're both doing our best to establish forthright, honest and open lines of communication.

The problem is his daughters still believe the lies. They hate me and won't speak to their father unless he divorces me. I'm not sure what to do. Roman has lost his family and he may lose me, too. The damage is so widespread I don't know what can be regained. Have you any advice for me? -- OLDER, WISER AND HEARTBROKEN

DEAR OLDER, WISER AND HEARTBROKEN: Your letter made me furious. It proves that with your husband no good deed goes unpunished. Had you not taken on the functions your husband avoided, your credit would be shot, your house would be a wreck and your sex life nonexistent. And for this your husband slandered you?

That he would lie to his daughters about you is disgusting. That he then made a money grab and hid assets is appalling. What have you to gain from continuing this marriage? If I were you, I'd contact a divorce lawyer and a forensic accountant, divide the assets and let the daughters take care of their ingrate of a father.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I belong to a supper club comprised of four couples. We have enjoyed our monthly gatherings for years and have developed a strong bond with each couple. As a rule, each one takes turns hosting the event in their home. The recent behavior of one hostess has us baffled.

For starters, "Lynn" sometimes seats herself and her husband at a separate table, even though there's room at the main table. She also involves herself with activities I consider rude -- taking calls on her cell, perusing Facebook, doing paperwork. It's beginning to feel as though we are an obligation rather than wanted guests.

Members of our group have been hesitant to discuss this with her because we don't want to create tension in the group we have come to hold dear. Any suggestions? -- GETTING SERVED A COLD DISH

DEAR GETTING SERVED: It appears there is already tension in the group you have come to hold dear. For a host to behave the way Lynn has is rude. Whoever in the group is closest to Lynn should have a chat with her about it -- preferably face-to-face -- and ask her to explain. It's possible that the responsibility of hosting has become too much for her.

DEAR ABBY: My otherwise loving, honest, generous, kind and attentive husband of 10 years feels it's his right to walk into the bathroom whenever he wants, even when I'm in there. He says it's coincidence, but I think he does it intentionally. We don't have locks -- or even doors -- to shut our master bathroom. We do have other bathrooms in the house.

I have asked him repeatedly not to come in or to make some noise so I know he's coming. He says he "forgets." If I'm in the shower or bent over with my head upside down blow-drying my hair and turn around or look up and see another person, I get startled. My adrenaline pumps and I end up yelling at him.

I'd prefer to get clean and pretty in peace. My husband thinks I'm overreacting. Am I? -- BOTHERED IN THE BATHROOM

DEAR BOTHERED: Feeling as strongly as you do, it's surprising that you would move into a house in which the master bedroom and bath are set up this way. And yes, I do think you're overreacting.

However, you have a couple of options: The first would be for you to get clean and pretty in one of the other bathrooms. The second would be to start a remodeling project and have a door (or doors) to your master bath installed so your husband can knock before entering.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a wonderful and unique man. Despite his privileged upbringing he is very down-to-earth. His parents' affluence afforded him many opportunities and still does. Unfortunately, my in-laws are snobbish, self-absorbed and competitive. They are critical of everyone -- especially their grown son. They put him and each other down constantly. They cause scenes and can't enjoy life.

My husband is trying to be patient because he knows his parents aren't going to change at their age. But they consume so much of our energy with their constant dramatic highs and lows. Any advice for dealing with drama queens (and kings)? They do love us and can be considerate. -- LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR REAL: It may help you and your husband to understand that people who act the way your in-laws do are usually insecure on some basic level. They put others down to inflate their egos and reassure themselves that they're "OK" by magnifying (or inventing) flaws in others. When your in-laws start to criticize, be pleasant and make a point of saying something positive about their target. It will short-circuit the rant.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old working mother raising a daughter who is the joy of my life. Once in a great while I'll accept an invitation to go on a date and hire a baby sitter to watch my daughter.

My question is, who should pay for the sitter? The man who asked me out or should I? I have yet to have a suitor offer to pay. Is that just the way it is, or are these men just cheap? -- MOM ON A BUDGET

DEAR MOM: Paying for your daughter's sitter is your responsibility. When you become involved in a steady relationship and the cost of a sitter becomes a financial burden, discuss it then with your boyfriend, who should be willing to share some of the cost.