life

Couple Can't Come to Terms Over Bathroom Battleground

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 23rd, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My otherwise loving, honest, generous, kind and attentive husband of 10 years feels it's his right to walk into the bathroom whenever he wants, even when I'm in there. He says it's coincidence, but I think he does it intentionally. We don't have locks -- or even doors -- to shut our master bathroom. We do have other bathrooms in the house.

I have asked him repeatedly not to come in or to make some noise so I know he's coming. He says he "forgets." If I'm in the shower or bent over with my head upside down blow-drying my hair and turn around or look up and see another person, I get startled. My adrenaline pumps and I end up yelling at him.

I'd prefer to get clean and pretty in peace. My husband thinks I'm overreacting. Am I? -- BOTHERED IN THE BATHROOM

DEAR BOTHERED: Feeling as strongly as you do, it's surprising that you would move into a house in which the master bedroom and bath are set up this way. And yes, I do think you're overreacting.

However, you have a couple of options: The first would be for you to get clean and pretty in one of the other bathrooms. The second would be to start a remodeling project and have a door (or doors) to your master bath installed so your husband can knock before entering.

life

Dear Abby for February 23, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 23rd, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a wonderful and unique man. Despite his privileged upbringing he is very down-to-earth. His parents' affluence afforded him many opportunities and still does. Unfortunately, my in-laws are snobbish, self-absorbed and competitive. They are critical of everyone -- especially their grown son. They put him and each other down constantly. They cause scenes and can't enjoy life.

My husband is trying to be patient because he knows his parents aren't going to change at their age. But they consume so much of our energy with their constant dramatic highs and lows. Any advice for dealing with drama queens (and kings)? They do love us and can be considerate. -- LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR REAL: It may help you and your husband to understand that people who act the way your in-laws do are usually insecure on some basic level. They put others down to inflate their egos and reassure themselves that they're "OK" by magnifying (or inventing) flaws in others. When your in-laws start to criticize, be pleasant and make a point of saying something positive about their target. It will short-circuit the rant.

life

Dear Abby for February 23, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 23rd, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old working mother raising a daughter who is the joy of my life. Once in a great while I'll accept an invitation to go on a date and hire a baby sitter to watch my daughter.

My question is, who should pay for the sitter? The man who asked me out or should I? I have yet to have a suitor offer to pay. Is that just the way it is, or are these men just cheap? -- MOM ON A BUDGET

DEAR MOM: Paying for your daughter's sitter is your responsibility. When you become involved in a steady relationship and the cost of a sitter becomes a financial burden, discuss it then with your boyfriend, who should be willing to share some of the cost.

life

Ex Girlfriend Wants to Remain Friends, but Without Benefits

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 22nd, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I dated a guy named "Jake" for two years. He was my first love and he meant everything to me. Well, things happened and he broke my heart.

After a year of not really talking, Jake is now texting and calling to convince me to be his "friend with benefits." He tries to sweet-talk me by calling me pet names. Of course, I say no over and over each time he asks on the phone. But the minute we come face-to-face or hang out, I just give in.

There will always be a soft spot for Jake in my heart, and I don't know what to do. I want to stay friends because he's important to me, but I don't want to be his FWB. It brings back painful memories.

How do I say no? Am I overreacting? Should I go with the flow because it's not a big deal? I feel like I'm in a script for a bad movie. -- WANTS TO MOVE ON IN HOUSTON

DEAR WANTS TO MOVE ON: Your ex-boyfriend appears to be a super salesman. The best way not to buy what he's selling is not to listen to his pitch. The sooner you accept you can't be "friends" because you lose control whenever you see him, the sooner you'll be able to write a happy ending to this drama. As long as you sleep with Jake you will not be able to replace him with someone who can give you what you want and deserve, which is a real relationship.

life

Dear Abby for February 22, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 22nd, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years, "Patrick," is smart, successful and wonderful in every way. He dresses extremely well with attention to detail. Many of his friends call him a "metrosexual."

Patrick never had braces as a child. Now, as an adult, his teeth have caved in and are very unattractive. It surprises me that he would let his teeth go or hasn't noticed how crooked and deformed they are. I'm afraid to mention it in case it would hurt his feelings. As we are thinking about marriage, the prospect of having to look at Patrick's bad teeth, that will likely worsen with age, is a deterrent.

Am I being petty and superficial or should I suggest adult braces? Patrick can more than afford them and isn't afraid of pain or going to the doctor. My own lower teeth could use some work, so maybe I could suggest we both get braces. I'm not sure what to do. -- BRACING FOR AN ANSWER IN BOULDER

DEAR BRACING: By all means talk to your boyfriend about the condition of his mouth as well as good dental health. If his teeth are as crooked as you have described, his bite is probably also off -- which can cause jaw problems when he's older. Your idea of getting braces with him is a good one, and I agree it's worth pursuing because you won't appear to be criticizing him. I hope he heeds your suggestion.

life

Dear Abby for February 22, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 22nd, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My landlord likes to wander around the yard and driveway wearing only a towel around his waist. Sometimes he goes out of his way to talk with me while "dressed" that way. Should I be concerned? -- CALIFORNIA RENTER

DEAR RENTER: Probably not, unless his towel "slips," or California experiences more gale-force winds such as the ones that occurred last December.

life

Air Force May Be Perfect Job for Teen on the Move

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 21st, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I respectfully disagree with the advice you gave to "Wants to Enlist" (Dec. 29). She is the 19-year-old woman who burns out of jobs quickly and is thinking about enlisting in the Air Force. You discouraged her.

I served honorably in the U.S. Air Force, Air Force Reserves and the Air National Guard for 14 years. Experience taught me that if I didn't like my current assignment, it was easier to tolerate it for the time being knowing it wasn't a permanent assignment. Eventually, I received orders to go elsewhere.

My military training was the best foundation for me. It taught me discipline, instilled confidence that I could handle any situation, and provided me with skills that enabled me to work with people under various circumstances.

"Wants to Enlist" needs to be honest with the companies/organizations she applies to. During the interview, she should be upfront in saying she is willing to commit to a set period of time and/or to accept a part-time position, lower pay and a flexible schedule. The employers who hired me under these terms have written me letters of recommendation, proving they benefitted from our arrangement. -- FORMER FLY GIRL IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR FORMER FLY GIRL: Thank you for offering a solution that worked for you. Responses I received to that letter provided interesting insights that "Wants to Enlist" may wish to consider. My readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, wasted years of my life job-hopping. It seemed I couldn't stay in a position longer than six months. It wasn't until late in life that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. With therapy and medication, my life finally took on some semblance of "normal." For the first time, I finally had purpose and direction. My final job lasted 17 years. I don't mean to suggest "Wants to Enlist" suffers from the same disorder, but it deserves some consideration. -- B.P.D. IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: Once a job became routine, I lost interest. Eventually I found my way to higher education and a position where there are always new challenges. I now have a long-term and successful career. Perhaps this 19-year-old should consider attending college even part-time -- to satisfy her intellect while preparing for a more varied and challenging future. -- BEEN THERE IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR ABBY: "Wants to Enlist" may want to be tested for ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). For many years, I was misdiagnosed with a variety of mental health issues. Then my husband read an article about adult ADD. After checking with my doctor, I was put on medication to see if it would help. I cannot tell you the difference it has made in my life. I'm calmer, happier and have more confidence than ever. I hope this young lady will look into what might be causing her behavior because she will see how wonderful she is. -- HAPPIER NOW IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I also had difficulty settling down in one place. My solution was to become a traveling health care worker. I work for a contracting agency that sends me on three-month assignments all over the country. If I don't like a facility, I know my time there will end soon. There are local contracting agencies in larger cities if you don't want to pack up and move. This job has been the answer to my dreams! -- TRACY IN KINGWOOD, TEXAS

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • My Story
  • September Sunshine
  • Talking to Strangers
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Hypercritical Daughter Only Recognizes Mom's Missteps
  • Grandmother-to-Be Has Mixed Feelings
  • Father Questions Son's Therapy Treatments
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal