DEAR ABBY: I respectfully disagree with the advice you gave to "Wants to Enlist" (Dec. 29). She is the 19-year-old woman who burns out of jobs quickly and is thinking about enlisting in the Air Force. You discouraged her.

I served honorably in the U.S. Air Force, Air Force Reserves and the Air National Guard for 14 years. Experience taught me that if I didn't like my current assignment, it was easier to tolerate it for the time being knowing it wasn't a permanent assignment. Eventually, I received orders to go elsewhere.

My military training was the best foundation for me. It taught me discipline, instilled confidence that I could handle any situation, and provided me with skills that enabled me to work with people under various circumstances.

"Wants to Enlist" needs to be honest with the companies/organizations she applies to. During the interview, she should be upfront in saying she is willing to commit to a set period of time and/or to accept a part-time position, lower pay and a flexible schedule. The employers who hired me under these terms have written me letters of recommendation, proving they benefitted from our arrangement. -- FORMER FLY GIRL IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR FORMER FLY GIRL: Thank you for offering a solution that worked for you. Responses I received to that letter provided interesting insights that "Wants to Enlist" may wish to consider. My readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, wasted years of my life job-hopping. It seemed I couldn't stay in a position longer than six months. It wasn't until late in life that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. With therapy and medication, my life finally took on some semblance of "normal." For the first time, I finally had purpose and direction. My final job lasted 17 years. I don't mean to suggest "Wants to Enlist" suffers from the same disorder, but it deserves some consideration. -- B.P.D. IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: Once a job became routine, I lost interest. Eventually I found my way to higher education and a position where there are always new challenges. I now have a long-term and successful career. Perhaps this 19-year-old should consider attending college even part-time -- to satisfy her intellect while preparing for a more varied and challenging future. -- BEEN THERE IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR ABBY: "Wants to Enlist" may want to be tested for ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). For many years, I was misdiagnosed with a variety of mental health issues. Then my husband read an article about adult ADD. After checking with my doctor, I was put on medication to see if it would help. I cannot tell you the difference it has made in my life. I'm calmer, happier and have more confidence than ever. I hope this young lady will look into what might be causing her behavior because she will see how wonderful she is. -- HAPPIER NOW IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I also had difficulty settling down in one place. My solution was to become a traveling health care worker. I work for a contracting agency that sends me on three-month assignments all over the country. If I don't like a facility, I know my time there will end soon. There are local contracting agencies in larger cities if you don't want to pack up and move. This job has been the answer to my dreams! -- TRACY IN KINGWOOD, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: One of my closest friends from childhood, "Penny," lost her husband of 30 years five months ago, after a short illness. We reconnected via the Internet and have become close again. It has been a blessing. Penny has moved back to California and has been to visit me a couple of times.

One of Penny's relatives signed her up on some online dating sites, and a seemingly nice man from across the country immediately contacted her with a beautiful email. She responded to him once, explaining her recent loss, and he has been courting her with extremely romantic daily emails ever since. Penny asked me for advice, and I told her that her loss is fresh and raw, and she should give herself time to grieve for her husband.

Penny has never been alone, and I know she's scared. However, I see big red flags and I'm worried about her. I advised that they should keep in casual contact, and if it's real now, it will still be real in another year. I think she needs time to heal. Should I stay out of it and mind my own business, or should I reiterate my concerns? -- CONFLICTED IN COASTAL CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: I see nothing wrong with continuing to share your thinking with your friend. You gave her good advice. Although some beautiful relationships have been formed online, this one seems to have blossomed unusually quickly.

Encourage Penny to take her time, invite him to visit eventually, and go visit him so she can meet his friends and family and get to know him better. If it turns out that remarriage is in the cards, then suggest that she contact her lawyer and have a pre-nuptial agreement in place before the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: We are in our late 40s and have two elementary school-age children. My husband and I are actively involved in our church and at our children's school. However, we have no friends we can just hang out with. We used to be part of a small group of friends from church, but one family had a falling out with the others. Somehow we got dragged into it, and now no one interacts with us anymore. The parents of our children's friends attend another church and have a group they're part of, but we are not.

When I was working, we could afford to have the kids in activities but there wasn't much time. Now that I am not working the time is there, but not the money. People our age have empty nests or are grandparents. We'd love to have friends, but we don't know how to resolve this. -- LEFT BEHIND IN SPARKS, NEV.

DEAR LEFT BEHIND: Why not invite your children's friends and their parents over? You already have something in common with them. If that doesn't work, a way to make new friends would be to sign your children up for affordable extra-curricular activities such as YMCA, YWCA, Little League or Scouting. That way, you'll meet other parents with similar interests. Another alternative would be for you and your husband to join a service club so you can meet others who contribute to the community. If you give it a try you will widen your circle of acquaintances, which can lead to friendships.

DEAR ABBY: My husband left me after 38 years of marriage. All my adult life I have been known personally and professionally as "Mrs. Brown." Now that I'm being divorced, can I legally still be known as Mrs. Brown? -- KEEPING MY NAME

DEAR KEEPING: Yes. Although you will no longer be "Mrs. John Brown," you will be Mrs. Julia Brown or Ms. Brown if you prefer.

DEAR ABBY: "Dwayne," my boyfriend of eight years, insists on smoking in his bedroom. In our last apartment he'd fall asleep with a lit cigarette and ended up burning holes in our couch, numerous blankets and pillows as well as the carpet. When we moved, Dwayne assured me he had stopped, but a month ago I noticed his blanket and mattress have burn holes and so does the carpet by his bed.

We live together with our 6-year-old son and, needless to say, I'm scared to death Dwayne will burn this place down. I have talked to him about it numerous times. All he does is yell and say it won't happen because cigarettes are "safer now."

I have discussed this with our landlord to no avail. I thought about calling social services, but I don't want to get him in trouble. I could really use some good advice. -- SCARED FOR MY LIFE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR SCARED: Because Dwayne is unwilling to be more responsible, it's time to consider your son's safety and your own. Your boyfriend is not only addicted to tobacco, he is also misguided. If cigarettes were "safer now" there wouldn't be burn holes in his bedding and the area surrounding where he sleeps. If moving isn't feasible, at least make sure there are working smoke detectors in your apartment and an extra one outside Dwayne's bedroom door.

Frankly, it would be healthier for you and the boy if Dwayne didn't smoke at all in your apartment because the Environmental Protection Agency has classified secondhand smoke as a Group A carcinogen. To verify this, and get further information, contact the American Cancer Society (800-227-2345) or the American Heart Association (800-242-8721).

DEAR ABBY: My husband died 13 years ago. Since then I have pretty much lost everything, except the grief. Recently it occurred to me that I have some photographs his siblings and nieces might like copies of.

I don't want them to know where I live -- in a battered old trailer -- because I'm ashamed. They are all well-to-do and never seemed to like me. No one has spoken to me since my husband's death.

I don't want it to seem like I'm expecting anything in return because I'm not, nor do I want to see them socially. I know I don't fit in with them. I'd just like to do something nice since we all loved him. From experience I think they'll find some way to misinterpret or misunderstand the gesture. I'll be hurt and, added to the depression and grief, I don't think I could handle it. What do you advise? -- MISSING MY MAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING YOUR MAN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. You have given me four valid reasons not to reach out to your husband's family, the most important of which is that if you get another round of rejection from them it will crush you. That's why I advise against it.

Because they haven't spoken to you or included you in 13 years, on top of the fact you never felt accepted in the first place (your words) -- the healthy thing for you to do is to keep your distance. However, because in all this time you have been unable to finish your grieving process, I urge you to consider grief counseling.

DEAR ABBY: We recently celebrated the milestone birthday of a dear friend with a party. In honor of the occasion we presented her with a very nice bracelet with various fabricated gemstones set in a nice silver setting. As she was identifying the names of the stones, I blurted out that they "weren't real" because I didn't want her thinking we were trying to pass them off as the real thing.

Now I'm afraid I might have cheapened our gift -- although believe me, her bracelet was not cheap. I feel like an idiot. Should I try to fix this mess or just let it be? -- FOOT IN MOUTH IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR FOOT IN MOUTH: I think enough has already been said. Whether the stones in the bracelet were natural or man-made, the thought behind the gift was genuine.