DEAR ABBY: "Dwayne," my boyfriend of eight years, insists on smoking in his bedroom. In our last apartment he'd fall asleep with a lit cigarette and ended up burning holes in our couch, numerous blankets and pillows as well as the carpet. When we moved, Dwayne assured me he had stopped, but a month ago I noticed his blanket and mattress have burn holes and so does the carpet by his bed.

We live together with our 6-year-old son and, needless to say, I'm scared to death Dwayne will burn this place down. I have talked to him about it numerous times. All he does is yell and say it won't happen because cigarettes are "safer now."

I have discussed this with our landlord to no avail. I thought about calling social services, but I don't want to get him in trouble. I could really use some good advice. -- SCARED FOR MY LIFE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR SCARED: Because Dwayne is unwilling to be more responsible, it's time to consider your son's safety and your own. Your boyfriend is not only addicted to tobacco, he is also misguided. If cigarettes were "safer now" there wouldn't be burn holes in his bedding and the area surrounding where he sleeps. If moving isn't feasible, at least make sure there are working smoke detectors in your apartment and an extra one outside Dwayne's bedroom door.

Frankly, it would be healthier for you and the boy if Dwayne didn't smoke at all in your apartment because the Environmental Protection Agency has classified secondhand smoke as a Group A carcinogen. To verify this, and get further information, contact the American Cancer Society (800-227-2345) or the American Heart Association (800-242-8721).

DEAR ABBY: My husband died 13 years ago. Since then I have pretty much lost everything, except the grief. Recently it occurred to me that I have some photographs his siblings and nieces might like copies of.

I don't want them to know where I live -- in a battered old trailer -- because I'm ashamed. They are all well-to-do and never seemed to like me. No one has spoken to me since my husband's death.

I don't want it to seem like I'm expecting anything in return because I'm not, nor do I want to see them socially. I know I don't fit in with them. I'd just like to do something nice since we all loved him. From experience I think they'll find some way to misinterpret or misunderstand the gesture. I'll be hurt and, added to the depression and grief, I don't think I could handle it. What do you advise? -- MISSING MY MAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING YOUR MAN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. You have given me four valid reasons not to reach out to your husband's family, the most important of which is that if you get another round of rejection from them it will crush you. That's why I advise against it.

Because they haven't spoken to you or included you in 13 years, on top of the fact you never felt accepted in the first place (your words) -- the healthy thing for you to do is to keep your distance. However, because in all this time you have been unable to finish your grieving process, I urge you to consider grief counseling.

DEAR ABBY: We recently celebrated the milestone birthday of a dear friend with a party. In honor of the occasion we presented her with a very nice bracelet with various fabricated gemstones set in a nice silver setting. As she was identifying the names of the stones, I blurted out that they "weren't real" because I didn't want her thinking we were trying to pass them off as the real thing.

Now I'm afraid I might have cheapened our gift -- although believe me, her bracelet was not cheap. I feel like an idiot. Should I try to fix this mess or just let it be? -- FOOT IN MOUTH IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR FOOT IN MOUTH: I think enough has already been said. Whether the stones in the bracelet were natural or man-made, the thought behind the gift was genuine.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother of two incredible children. It took a bit of work but after some time, my ex and I have come around to being civil, if not friendly with each other. He has been dating a woman for more than a year and now tells me they will be getting married in three months.

Abby, I haven't met her yet. I harbor no ill will toward her and understand through my children that she's very nice and good to them. My ex keeps telling me they are not ready for introductions. I have no idea what that means, but I haven't pushed the issue because I want to keep things on friendly terms. My question is, at what point is it appropriate to introduce your ex to your children's soon-to-be stepparent? -- READY IN HOUSTON

DEAR READY: Because you and your ex share custody of your children, the logical time for you to meet his fiancee would have been at the time of their engagement -- if not before. I can't help wondering why your ex is stalling about making the introduction because, in the months and years to come, it will be important that you and your children's stepmother can function effectively together.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a coupon clipper. I save our household an average of $30 to $40 a week using them. Sometimes I have a great coupon we can't use, so I'll leave it at the store on top of the item it's for.

When I do, my husband accuses me of littering and merely creating trash for store employees to pick up. I think a stranger finding a valuable coupon for the item he or she wants is a kind way to "pay it forward." I'm selective about leaving them and only do it when the coupon offers significant savings.

What are your thoughts? Am I being a litterbug? -- CHICAGO CLIPPER

DEAR CLIPPER: Of course you're not being a litterbug. You're being generous, and I'm sure many -- if not all -- of the coupons you leave have been put to good use.

Since you asked for my thoughts, I'll share one: You have a critical husband who is faulting you rather than complimenting you on your generosity. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson and his bride were going through their gift envelopes and found some with nothing in them. They don't know if there was money inside and it fell out. If they thank a guest for a gift and there was none, it could seem sarcastic. If they don't thank the person and there was money inside and it got lost -- then what? What do they say?

Also, there was a family (mother, son and daughter-in-law) who attended the wedding. The mother put in a check that was larger than she really could afford, while the son and daughter-in-law left a card with nothing inside. We don't know what to do, because my grandson doesn't know if the check was intended to be from the three of them. Abby, what's the proper way to handle this? -- EMPTY ENVELOPES IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMPTY ENVELOPES: Your grandson and his bride should write notes to those guests whose envelopes were empty saying, "We want to thank you for being part of our wedding day and helping to make it so memorable and meaningful. Your presence and the fact that you were with us made it extra special. With love ..."

DEAR ABBY: My father died suddenly a year ago. My sister went to his house and discovered something that deeply disturbed her. Dad was secretly gay. There were lots of materials in his home that I'm sure he never intended for us to find. Personally, I find his interests fascinating, but my sister was unhinged by it. After all, she was the one who made the discovery.

Now she's obsessed with finding out if Dad was having relations with men while Mom was alive, and if he did, did Mom know about it. I have tried telling her that there were probably lots of things that happened between our parents that are none of our business, but my sister can't let it go. She also seems upset that my reaction isn't the same as hers. I'm glad Dad was fulfilling his needs, especially in old age.

My sister was always "Daddy's girl." Any suggestions on how I can help her? -- DAD'S SON IN MIAMI

DEAR SON: I'm not sure you can. But a trained therapist might be able to. Your sister's discovery was a shock because "Daddy's girl" now realizes she didn't know her father as well as she thought she did. She's reacting almost as if she, as well as her mother, may have been cheated on.

It is almost impossible to determine who knew what and when, if both the individuals are dead. I hope, with time, your sister will be able to focus on the good times she had with her father and her obsession will lessen.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker, "Amber" who has always been large. She has looked like she was pregnant the entire two years I have known her. She can also be a liar and an attention-seeker.

I am pregnant for real. Soon after Amber found out, she began telling our co-workers that she, too, is pregnant -- with twins.

She has said this before, and then she faked a miscarriage. She is now bringing ultrasound pictures to work that I discovered she had downloaded from Google Images.

Everyone knows Amber is lying, but she keeps it going like she believes it herself. Abby, should I try to save her the embarrassment and tell her that everyone knows she's faking? Or should I just sit back and see where the lying gets her? -- REALLY EXPECTING IN CHICAGO

DEAR REALLY EXPECTING: Your co-worker appears to be mentally disturbed. This is something that should be discussed with Amber's supervisor, so perhaps an intervention can be done and she can get the help she needs. As much of a concern as this is for you, it should be even more so to her employer.

Because there is no way to predict how she might react if her fantasy is threatened, you should not be the person to question it. If she's taking time from work for OB/GYN appointments, her employer could request a note from the doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Jared," who is the nephew of my sister's husband. Due to the family situation, this is a very weird relationship. I was widowed at 22. I am now 27, and this is the first relationship I have had since my husband died. I'm not sure what to do.

Is it wrong to date Jared? How do I introduce him to family and friends? My sister always refers to him as her nephew. That makes me feel like my relationship with him is incestuous. -- MIXED UP IN WISCONSIN

DEAR MIXED UP: Because Jared isn't a blood relative, your relationship with him is not incestuous. Introduce him to family and friends as Jared, the friend you're dating. If the relationship becomes more serious, introduce him as Jared, your boyfriend or fiance. But please stop feeling guilty about your relationship because you're doing nothing wrong.