DEAR ABBY: My father died suddenly a year ago. My sister went to his house and discovered something that deeply disturbed her. Dad was secretly gay. There were lots of materials in his home that I'm sure he never intended for us to find. Personally, I find his interests fascinating, but my sister was unhinged by it. After all, she was the one who made the discovery.
Now she's obsessed with finding out if Dad was having relations with men while Mom was alive, and if he did, did Mom know about it. I have tried telling her that there were probably lots of things that happened between our parents that are none of our business, but my sister can't let it go. She also seems upset that my reaction isn't the same as hers. I'm glad Dad was fulfilling his needs, especially in old age.
My sister was always "Daddy's girl." Any suggestions on how I can help her? -- DAD'S SON IN MIAMI
DEAR SON: I'm not sure you can. But a trained therapist might be able to. Your sister's discovery was a shock because "Daddy's girl" now realizes she didn't know her father as well as she thought she did. She's reacting almost as if she, as well as her mother, may have been cheated on.
It is almost impossible to determine who knew what and when, if both the individuals are dead. I hope, with time, your sister will be able to focus on the good times she had with her father and her obsession will lessen.