life

Queen and Her Gallant Knight Have Shared Lifetime of Love

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At this time of year I have seen letters in your column from couples describing how they met. I hope you will print ours.

During a study break one evening in April 1937, I walked to Bruckner Boulevard Park in the Bronx to sit on a bench and watch the cars drive by. A cyclist whizzed through the center walkway, then stopped and slowly backed up to where I was sitting.

"Hello," he said. I responded. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm Queen Elizabeth the First," I told him without batting an eye. "Well," he replied, "I'm Sir Walter Raleigh -- unfortunately, I don't have a coat to place at your feet." Then he sat down beside me. We talked, we laughed, and he walked me home.

Four years later, Ben and I eloped. That was April 3, 1941.

This year we will celebrate our 71st anniversary and have, in our lifetime together, accumulated three beautiful daughters, nine grandchildren, 20 great-grandchildren, three great-great-grandchildren and another on the way.

We have shared our tears, our joys, our failures and our successes. We have worked long hours, taken vacations, participated in sports and traveled. We have enjoyed every moment. Now in our 90s, we are financially secure, have a caring family and many beautiful memories. Ben, however, has not as yet placed his coat at my feet. -- BELLA IN NEW YORK

DEAR BELLA: No -- he took you on a lifetime magic carpet ride instead. May you enjoy many more years of happiness together.

life

Dear Abby for February 14, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend I went to a birthday slumber party at a friend's house. We played poker as we often do, then one girl suggested we play strip poker. She was kind of pushy about it. I wasn't comfortable with the idea and chose not to participate. I was the only one. Everybody laughed at me. They called me a prude and told me "all girls look the same."

I don't think I'm a prude. I'm not shy about undressing in front of my sister and friends. I'm just not comfortable about something like this and saw no point to it. I mean, if "we're all the same," then what's the reason for exposing our bodies to each other? Everybody thought it was fun, and those who ended up taking it all off laughed about it.

Is there something wrong with me? Now they're talking about doing it at future slumber parties, so I'm not sure how to handle it. I could just not attend, but this is the group I hang out with, and I don't like to miss out. -- NO PRUDE IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR NO PRUDE: Not only is there nothing wrong with you, I applaud you for not giving in to peer pressure and doing something you didn't feel was right. It took maturity to refuse.

Because you're not comfortable playing strip poker, you should make other plans for those nights. This doesn't mean you shouldn't socialize with your friends -- but if their idea of a fun time is strip poker, consider cultivating a few more relationships with girls who have broader interests. That way you'll have something to do on nights they are playing -- until they grow bored with the game. (And they will.)

life

Dear Abby for February 14, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

TO MY READERS IN ABBYLAND:

I'd like to make my feelings clear,

I love you "Abbdicts" far and near.

Your comments challenge and enlighten,

stimulate and often brighten.

Yes, I know you're sometimes critical,

but you're always analytical.

So on this Happy Valentine's Day

I send a heart full of love your way. -- ABBY

life

Couple's Attempt at Dating Is Falling Short of the Mark

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for two years and am friendly with a man, "Byron," whose friendship I value. A few weeks ago we decided to explore a dating relationship. Unfortunately, the past couple of weeks have been busy for me. We haven't been able to spend as much time together as either of us would like.

Last night Byron texted me, saying he "knew where this was going" and thought we should "talk about it." He subsequently said he thinks I wasn't being honest about wanting to spend time together.

When I reassured him, he explained that he has abandonment issues. Now I feel I must be careful not to do anything that might cause him to panic.

Should I back off now and try to salvage the friendship, or should I give the romance a chance? His paranoid actions so early into this stage of our relationship have made me uncomfortable. It's as if he's asking for a guarantee already. -- UNEASY IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR UNEASY: I don't blame you for having second thoughts. Byron appears to be someone who also has trust issues, and that he would tell you he thinks you haven't been honest with him is cause for concern. You have been friendly for some time; therefore, he should have assessed your character before this. Back off, because the only person who can resolve his insecurities is Byron. Your instincts are correct.

life

Dear Abby for February 13, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law recently moved into our home to escape a bad relationship. While I'm happy to have her, increasingly I want to send her packing.

She constantly "baby talks," whether in the house or, God forbid, out in public. It drives me nuts. I sometimes wonder if she needs a knock upside the head for a "reboot."

My wife agrees it's annoying and needs to stop. But how do you tell a well-educated, mature adult that she sounds like an idiot and it's embarrassing to be with her in public? Sometimes her mannerisms even resemble those of a toddler. -- GOO-GOO-GOING CRAZY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CRAZY: Has your mother-in-law always been like this? If the answer is yes, then she thinks her behavior is "cute" because she has gotten away with it for so many years and now does it unconsciously. If the answer is no, then perhaps it's time to have her evaluated.

life

Dear Abby for February 13, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: You often suggest volunteer work as a way of combating loneliness or boredom. Research has shown that volunteering has health benefits as well as social benefits. In addition to the pride, satisfaction and accomplishment for the individuals involved, volunteer work also strengthens communities. That's why I hope you will support Project Linus by telling your readers about its national Make a Blanket Day on Saturday, Feb. 18.

On that day volunteers across the country will be making quilts, blankets and afghans that will be donated to children ages 0-18 who are experiencing stressful situations such as hospitalizations, natural disasters, foster care and homelessness.

No sewing skills are required. Volunteers can help if they can thread a needle, cut with scissors and tie a knot. Thank you, Abby, for sharing the information about this worthwhile project with your many readers. -- KAREN IN SNOHOMISH, WASH.

DEAR KAREN: I'm pleased to help spread the word. Dear Abby readers are the kindest, most generous people in the world. Those who are interested in obtaining more information, or locating a local chapter that will be sponsoring a work party on Feb. 18, should visit www.projectlinus.org.

life

Chatty Boss's Interruptions Prevent Work From Being Done

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boss, "Ms. M.," knows her stuff. She's supportive, flexible and communicates well about what's happening within the organization. However, she spends most of her time in my cubicle. She'll start out in her office and, 15 minutes later, slide into my cubicle to show me her kids' latest photos or insist my colleagues and I watch YouTube videos of her favorite entertainers.

This happens continually throughout the day. I have to work from home in the evenings to get anything done. I have actually used vacation time so I could finish a project without Ms. M.'s constant interruptions. I thought it was just me until I got sick last year and was out for several days. I got "hate" email from my colleagues because the boss was spending all her time in their cubicles!

Meanwhile, contracts don't get finalized, deadlines are missed, phone calls go unanswered and complaints pile up. When she gets heat from higher-ups, she'll work on the weekend to make things right. Then on Monday morning she'll call a staff meeting that lasts over an hour, and we must listen to her sour complaints and more YouTube videos from the weekend. It's maddening.

Ms. M. is like a female Nero fiddling while the department burns. I want to do my job during working hours. Any suggestions? -- TREADING WATER IN OHIO

DEAR TREADING WATER: I do have one. Because there is safety in numbers, everyone in the department who is affected by this problem should discuss it as a group with Ms. M's supervisor or boss. It appears Ms. M. is confusing her working relationships with those that are personal.

life

Dear Abby for February 12, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, while substitute teaching, I met a man who was also a substitute teacher. We would often have lunch together in the school cafeteria. "Lou" told me he had been living with a woman, "Meg," for 12 years, but that she had begun developing Alzheimer's disease. Her sons planned on moving them into an assisted living facility.

Several months ago, Lou called and asked to take me to lunch. At lunch he said he is still living with Meg, but plans to move into a place of his own soon. He said he'd like to start seeing me on a regular basis. He gave me his home phone number, but said that if Meg answers, I should tell her it's the school calling him about a job.

I told him I'm not interested in seeing him until he is actually living on his own, but he keeps calling to get me to change my mind. My children and my friends tell me it would not be wrong to start seeing Lou because he's no longer actively involved with the woman. What's the right thing to do? -- LOOKING FOR ANSWERS IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOOKING FOR ANSWERS: That you would have second thoughts about becoming involved with a man who asks you to lie to the woman he's been living with for 17 years shows a lot about your character. That he would ask you to do otherwise speaks not very flatteringly about his.

You appear to be someone with high standards and dignity. If you prefer to wait until Meg and Lou are no longer living together, I respect that. And if his interest in you is serious, he will respect it, too.

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