life

Couple's Attempt at Dating Is Falling Short of the Mark

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for two years and am friendly with a man, "Byron," whose friendship I value. A few weeks ago we decided to explore a dating relationship. Unfortunately, the past couple of weeks have been busy for me. We haven't been able to spend as much time together as either of us would like.

Last night Byron texted me, saying he "knew where this was going" and thought we should "talk about it." He subsequently said he thinks I wasn't being honest about wanting to spend time together.

When I reassured him, he explained that he has abandonment issues. Now I feel I must be careful not to do anything that might cause him to panic.

Should I back off now and try to salvage the friendship, or should I give the romance a chance? His paranoid actions so early into this stage of our relationship have made me uncomfortable. It's as if he's asking for a guarantee already. -- UNEASY IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR UNEASY: I don't blame you for having second thoughts. Byron appears to be someone who also has trust issues, and that he would tell you he thinks you haven't been honest with him is cause for concern. You have been friendly for some time; therefore, he should have assessed your character before this. Back off, because the only person who can resolve his insecurities is Byron. Your instincts are correct.

life

Dear Abby for February 13, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law recently moved into our home to escape a bad relationship. While I'm happy to have her, increasingly I want to send her packing.

She constantly "baby talks," whether in the house or, God forbid, out in public. It drives me nuts. I sometimes wonder if she needs a knock upside the head for a "reboot."

My wife agrees it's annoying and needs to stop. But how do you tell a well-educated, mature adult that she sounds like an idiot and it's embarrassing to be with her in public? Sometimes her mannerisms even resemble those of a toddler. -- GOO-GOO-GOING CRAZY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CRAZY: Has your mother-in-law always been like this? If the answer is yes, then she thinks her behavior is "cute" because she has gotten away with it for so many years and now does it unconsciously. If the answer is no, then perhaps it's time to have her evaluated.

life

Dear Abby for February 13, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: You often suggest volunteer work as a way of combating loneliness or boredom. Research has shown that volunteering has health benefits as well as social benefits. In addition to the pride, satisfaction and accomplishment for the individuals involved, volunteer work also strengthens communities. That's why I hope you will support Project Linus by telling your readers about its national Make a Blanket Day on Saturday, Feb. 18.

On that day volunteers across the country will be making quilts, blankets and afghans that will be donated to children ages 0-18 who are experiencing stressful situations such as hospitalizations, natural disasters, foster care and homelessness.

No sewing skills are required. Volunteers can help if they can thread a needle, cut with scissors and tie a knot. Thank you, Abby, for sharing the information about this worthwhile project with your many readers. -- KAREN IN SNOHOMISH, WASH.

DEAR KAREN: I'm pleased to help spread the word. Dear Abby readers are the kindest, most generous people in the world. Those who are interested in obtaining more information, or locating a local chapter that will be sponsoring a work party on Feb. 18, should visit www.projectlinus.org.

life

Chatty Boss's Interruptions Prevent Work From Being Done

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boss, "Ms. M.," knows her stuff. She's supportive, flexible and communicates well about what's happening within the organization. However, she spends most of her time in my cubicle. She'll start out in her office and, 15 minutes later, slide into my cubicle to show me her kids' latest photos or insist my colleagues and I watch YouTube videos of her favorite entertainers.

This happens continually throughout the day. I have to work from home in the evenings to get anything done. I have actually used vacation time so I could finish a project without Ms. M.'s constant interruptions. I thought it was just me until I got sick last year and was out for several days. I got "hate" email from my colleagues because the boss was spending all her time in their cubicles!

Meanwhile, contracts don't get finalized, deadlines are missed, phone calls go unanswered and complaints pile up. When she gets heat from higher-ups, she'll work on the weekend to make things right. Then on Monday morning she'll call a staff meeting that lasts over an hour, and we must listen to her sour complaints and more YouTube videos from the weekend. It's maddening.

Ms. M. is like a female Nero fiddling while the department burns. I want to do my job during working hours. Any suggestions? -- TREADING WATER IN OHIO

DEAR TREADING WATER: I do have one. Because there is safety in numbers, everyone in the department who is affected by this problem should discuss it as a group with Ms. M's supervisor or boss. It appears Ms. M. is confusing her working relationships with those that are personal.

life

Dear Abby for February 12, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, while substitute teaching, I met a man who was also a substitute teacher. We would often have lunch together in the school cafeteria. "Lou" told me he had been living with a woman, "Meg," for 12 years, but that she had begun developing Alzheimer's disease. Her sons planned on moving them into an assisted living facility.

Several months ago, Lou called and asked to take me to lunch. At lunch he said he is still living with Meg, but plans to move into a place of his own soon. He said he'd like to start seeing me on a regular basis. He gave me his home phone number, but said that if Meg answers, I should tell her it's the school calling him about a job.

I told him I'm not interested in seeing him until he is actually living on his own, but he keeps calling to get me to change my mind. My children and my friends tell me it would not be wrong to start seeing Lou because he's no longer actively involved with the woman. What's the right thing to do? -- LOOKING FOR ANSWERS IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOOKING FOR ANSWERS: That you would have second thoughts about becoming involved with a man who asks you to lie to the woman he's been living with for 17 years shows a lot about your character. That he would ask you to do otherwise speaks not very flatteringly about his.

You appear to be someone with high standards and dignity. If you prefer to wait until Meg and Lou are no longer living together, I respect that. And if his interest in you is serious, he will respect it, too.

life

Mom's 'Wonderful' Fiance Appears Not to Be Trusted

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 11th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 11. My mom is engaged to a man who I think is a wonderful person, but she always questions whether he's cheating on her. She's 37. Personally, I think she won't get another chance like this. Their wedding has been postponed three times because she thinks he's lying to her.

I don't think she realizes what she's got. When I ask her if everything is OK between them, she says, "Everything is fine, and if it wasn't, it would be too complicated for you to understand." I just want them to live happily together. What should I do? -- OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW IN ALABAMA

DEAR OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW: You may be old enough to know, but if your mom doesn't feel comfortable sharing certain personal information with you, that should be her privilege. Her suspicions may be the result of having been hurt in past relationships, or she may have caught her fiance being less than truthful at some point.

Your mother should not marry anyone -- regardless of how great a catch he may seem to you -- unless she is certain she can trust him. The fact that their wedding has been postponed three times sends me a message that she thinks she has reason for concern in that department.

life

Dear Abby for February 11, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 11th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and want to have my ear pierced a second time. Despite my mother's reluctance, she took me to get my ears pierced when I was 9. My friends have all gotten multiple ear piercings. All I want is to get the cartilage on my right ear pierced, but Mom and Dad refuse.

Mom says that any piercing other than one in each ear looks "trashy" and people will think unfavorably of me. I don't see the big deal. It's not like I want my nose or navel pierced. I just want one little stud, and I'd pay for it myself.

I'm a respectful and honest girl. I have always brought home good grades. Mom says I'll have to wait until I'm 18 and out of her house. I don't understand why she won't let me get this done. My best friend's mother, who is stricter than mine, let her get her cartilage pierced. What do you think? -- NOT ASKING FOR MUCH IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NOT ASKING FOR MUCH: I think that as a minor living in your parents' house, you should obey their rules. If you want to get multiple piercings in your ears when you're 18 and on your own, the choice will be yours. But until then, respect your mother's wishes. "Because everyone else is doing it" is not a valid reason for doing anything.

life

Dear Abby for February 11, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 11th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy theater very much, but can't afford to attend all the performances I would like, so I work at my local theater every week. In exchange, I am "paid" in tickets. The ticket prices are generally $60 and up, so it's a win/win for both the theater and for me.

My question is, when I invite a friend to use the extra ticket, is it unreasonable to expect him or her to drive and pay for the treat at intermission? The ticket was not "free" to me -- I worked for it. Or, because I issued the invitation, am I responsible for the entire evening? -- THEATER LOVER IN ATLANTA

DEAR THEATER LOVER: If you're treating someone to an evening at the theater, it would certainly be gracious of your guest to offer to reciprocate in some way. However, because your friends don't have ESP, this is a subject you should raise at the time you issue the invitation.

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