DEAR ABBY: There is an ongoing issue between my husband and me. It's his disregard for my personal safety. Our large city is known for its heavy, fast traffic and impatient drivers. "Jon" is a good driver. He likes to drive in the left (passing) lane on the highway or tollway, usually about five miles above the posted speed limit.

This is considered too slow for many drivers, who become impatient and aggressive having to be behind us in the fast lane. They flash their headlights and tailgate us, trying to get him to move over into the right lane so they can pass, but Jon refuses to yield. If they start to pass us on the right, he will speed up and race them so they can't get ahead of him. He says he's "teaching them a lesson."

I have told my husband repeatedly that these games are dangerous and they scare me. Not only could we get into an accident, but we could get into an ugly confrontation or worse. I am terrified in these situations and he knows it, but he continues. I try to drive as often as possible, but I can't see as well at night as I used to, so Jon drives at night or when we're going long distances. With the price of gas and considering the inconvenience and inefficiency, it doesn't make sense to go in separate cars. Do you have any suggestions? -- ON A COLLISION COURSE IN HOUSTON

DEAR ON A COLLISION COURSE: Jon should be told that impeding the flow of traffic is a very dangerous practice. His childish behavior could incite road rage, and it is everyone's responsibility to minimize instances in which road rage can occur.

Contact the Department of Public Safety to get a copy of the Texas Drivers Handbook. That way you can show Jon in black and white that his behavior is not only wrong but dangerous. While some husbands are not receptive to a wife's comments about their driving, most will listen to what a state trooper has to say about good driving practices versus bad ones. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

And one more word of advice: Continue being the driver as often as possible. Your lives could depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: I was discussing with my 26-year-old daughter how parents punish their kids, when suddenly she told me that she hated that I would make her write "lines" when she was growing up. She mentioned that one day I made her do it when her friend was there to play with her. I felt really bad about this and wonder why she is bringing this up now. -- WONDERING DOWN SOUTH

DEAR WONDERING: It came up now because punishment was the topic of conversation, and she flashed back on how humiliating it was to have been punished in front of a friend. Clearly it made an impact -- and it would be interesting to know if the infraction was repeated after that.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed as gluten intolerant. My question is, when dining at a restaurant, while everyone else is eating the bread that is served, is it acceptable to discreetly take a few gluten-free crackers from my purse and snack on them so I'm not starving while waiting for dinner?

My husband thought it was inappropriate, so I didn't take them. I did ask the waiter if he had gluten-free bread or crackers, but he didn't. I have many medical issues. I try to eat only what is healthy for me and thought providing my own crackers was a minor deal. What do you think, Abby? -- GLUTEN INTOLERANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR G.I.: It's good that you were diagnosed, because gluten intolerance can cause serious digestive issues. Your husband may have had a bad day when he criticized you, because I see nothing wrong with someone on a restricted diet taking emergency rations in case a restaurant can't accommodate his or her special needs.

Gluten intolerance has gone undiagnosed in many people, but in recent years food manufacturers have created many products that are safe for them to eat. Accommodating a customer who is gluten intolerant shouldn't be an insurmountable problem if the restaurant is asked in advance.

DEAR ABBY: I was standing in front of a restaurant with my mother-in-law and a group of relatives when she "felt up" my back and backside. We were facing the others when she put her hand around my back, first sideways and then all around until she got down to my rear end. It felt like she was searching for something, but the weather was warm and my blouse was very thin, so I couldn't have hidden anything. When she reached my behind, she pressed her thumb hard on my hipbone and rubbed in a circular motion.

I feel extremely violated because her hand should not be anywhere near that region. My husband says I misinterpreted what she did, but he has no explanation. I think her behavior was incestuous! When she visits, she also insists on sleeping in the master bedroom. Am I overreacting? -- VIOLATED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR "VIOLATED": Unless your mother-in-law insists on sleeping between you and her son when she comes to visit, I do think you're overreacting. What she did was give you a back rub. In most families, a gesture like that is one of affection. Lighten up!

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning my son's bar mitzvah, and my ex-husband hasn't lifted a finger to help me. I received two small checks for his portion of the guests who will attend the reception.

My question is, should I put his name on the invitation? Or do I just put my name on it since I'm the one hosting and putting the party together? I want to do the right thing, but I also want it made clear that I did the planning myself. -- MITZVAH MAMA IN NEW YORK

DEAR MITZVAH MAMA: Be benevolent. For the sake of your child, include your ex-husband's name on the invitation. It isn't necessary to omit it so that you can get the credit. All you need to do is confide in one "yenta" that your son's father is a "schnorrer" and word will get around. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Brady," broke up with me in November. Five weeks later he became engaged to someone else. I found out after that I have genital warts. My yearly exams never showed any problems before, so I know I got them from Brady. I'm getting treatment now, but I'll be contagious for the rest of my life.

I have been unable to tell Brady about this because he won't respond to my attempts to contact him. I'm now trying to decide if I should tell his fiancee. I know he wants children, and this disease can have some serious repercussions if she gets pregnant.

Do I leave this woman in the dark, or should I give her the medical information she and her doctors should have? -- NEEDS TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS TO DO THE RIGHT THING: Five weeks into a relationship is a whirlwind courtship, unless Brady was cheating on you with his fiancee before your breakup. If that's the case, she may be the person who infected Brady.

Since he won't respond to you, send him a registered letter informing him of your diagnosis, and any other information about genital warts you feel is relevant. If you're worried that the fiancee is in the dark about this, send her a copy -- also by registered mail. That way you'll know it was received.

DEAR ABBY: I am the product of an interracial relationship from the late '60s. My maternal grandmother wanted nothing to do with me and made my teenage mother give me up for adoption. Before my biological mother passed away a few years ago, her dying wish was for my grandmother and me to form a relationship. She didn't want her mother to be alone in her final years.

I made an attempt to forge a relationship with my grandmother only to be told that she didn't like me because of the color of my skin. Since then, I have been having bad dreams of my mother being disappointed in me because I didn't fulfill her wish. Please advise me on what I should do. -- UNACCEPTED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNACCEPTED: It takes two people to form a relationship. By reaching out to your grandmother, you did the best you could to fulfill your mother's wish -- which, from your description of your grandmother, was an unfair burden to try to place on you. There's no reason for you to court another round of rejection and, for your sake, I'm advising you not to.

It may help to write a letter to your mother, explaining to her what happened when you reached out to your grandmother and how it felt, then read it at her grave. But please, stop blaming yourself for your grandmother's inability to love.

DEAR ABBY: While going through pictures on my girlfriend's computer, I discovered that she had posed nude for a drawing by her artist daughter. For some reason, I am really bothered by her posing nude and doing it for her daughter. How can I bring this up, which will let her know that I was snooping on her computer? -- SAW WAY TOO MUCH IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SAW WAY TOO MUCH: Why would you be "really bothered" by a mother posing nude for her daughter who is an artist? Most mothers and daughters have seen each other in states of undress and there is nothing shocking about it.

My advice is to first figure out what you think is "wrong" with it, then admit that you snooped so you can talk it out. After that, she can determine if she wants to continue being involved with a man who is as nosy and prudish as you appear to be.