DEAR ABBY: My live-in boyfriend is a total ditz when it comes to challenges. He claims it's because he's a city boy, but I think it's just plain laziness. When something needs to be repaired, he looks the other way and expects me to be "Miss Fix-It." It doesn't matter what's wrong -- the car, the washer, plumbing, even issues with bills. It becomes my job.

I want him to challenge himself sometimes. I've never known a man who won't venture into something that's not familiar. Is there anything I can say or do to let him know I want him to help, or am I stuck with a male damsel in distress? -- ROLE-REVERSAL IN BRIDGEPORT, CONN.

DEAR ROLE-REVERSAL: I'm sure you have told your boyfriend more than once that you want him to help. If he is as lacking in mechanical and organizational ability as you have implied, perhaps it's better that you be the fixer than have him destroy whatever needs to be repaired.

Because you feel you're being taken advantage of, have him call a repairman and pay for the service calls. And while you're at it, start a list of the positive things he adds to your relationship. If you come up with a minus instead of a plus, perhaps you should throw him back and keep fishing.

DEAR ABBY: My niece, "Sara," is considerably overweight at the age of 9. I'm becoming very concerned that she'll become diabetic by the time she's in her teens. She has a horrible habit of literally shoveling food into her mouth as fast as she can, sometimes with both hands. She's obviously eating too quickly to stop when she's full. Now that she's no longer a little girl, what was a bad habit has turned into disgusting table manners.

I live far away, so I have few opportunities to suggest that she slow down or "take princess bites." Her mother is very resentful of criticism, and she's allowing Sara her bad habit. I'm worried not only about my niece's poor table manners, but also her health. Any suggestions? -- WORRIED AUNT, TUPELO, MISS.

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Is Sara's mother obese? If so, the problem may be not only the speed with which your niece is eating but also what kinds of foods she's being served at home.

Be smart and don't make this about disgusting table manners. Because you're concerned about your niece's health, talk to both parents and ask what Sara's pediatrician says about her weight and what possible solutions have been suggested. But do not make it appear that you're criticizing their parenting or they'll shut you out.

DEAR ABBY: People occasionally tell me I look like a famous person. They can be mere acquaintances, people I don't know or people I don't want to know. I've never seen the resemblance, and since this famous person is known for poor judgment and bad behavior I regard it as an insult.

People seem shocked when I respond with an insult. How do they expect me to respond? I can't imagine walking up to someone and saying, "You look like ..." even if it were true. This is finally starting to bother me. How should I respond? -- NOT VILLAINOUS -- YET

DEAR NOT VILLAINOUS (YET): People may be shocked when you answer them with an insult because they were not trying to be insulting. Rather than become defensive, try this: Smile and say, "You know, I hear that all the time. But I assure you we are not related -- and I don't act like ____ either. "

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and my boyfriend, "Jordan," is 17. We have been together a year and a half and rarely fight. There is only one problem in our relationship -- his mother.

"Martha" has lupus and uses it to manipulate Jordan. When we plan dates, she'll tell him she feels sick and make him stay home to take care of her. As soon as the date is canceled, she's miraculously better. She complains that he doesn't spend enough time with her and lays guilt on him because she "could die any day," but says these things only when I'm around.

I don't believe that at 17 my boyfriend deserves the stress she puts on us, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Can you help me? -- STRESSED TEENS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRESSED TEENS: There is nothing you can do about it, so accept that as long as you're involved with Jordan, his mother is part of the package deal.

In another year your boyfriend will be legally an adult and able to decide if he wants to stay at home taking care of his mother, or leave to pursue his education or go to work. From your description, the family dynamics do not appear to be healthy. But if you're smart, you will not involve yourself in them. A girl who competes with her boyfriend's mother rarely wins that battle, so remember that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and a ballet dancer, although I just started dancing seriously at 12. I have been in some shows and my teacher has started me on pointe work. It has become my dream to dance professionally.

When I confided it to my mother, she told me it would be impossible. I take two classes a week, but I will be taking more -- possibly five -- this year. Should I continue with my dream or pursue something else? I know it's a tough profession to work in, but it is what I love. -- DANCING FOR JOY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DANCING FOR JOY: A career in dance requires strength, determination, discipline and sacrifice. These are all traits that will serve you well regardless of what profession you decide to pursue when you're older. The person you should ask this question of is your ballet teacher, who is better able to evaluate your talent than I can at a distance.

But I urge you to stick with dance as long as it interests you. Even if you don't eventually become a performer, you could become a choreographer, a teacher or find a rewarding career in some other capacity with a dance company.

Now is not the time to give up on this dream.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance is an amazing man and I'm lucky to have him, but because he's in the military I don't see him very often. I recently met a guy in one of my college classes who has made it clear that he's attracted to me. I can't help but feel the same about him.

He often asks me to study and hang out with him. Am I being disloyal if I innocently study or hang out with this guy without telling my fiance? -- FRIENDLY FIANCEE IN COLORADO

DEAR FIANCEE: You say the attraction between you and your classmate is mutual. If you start hanging out with him without telling your fiance, then the relationship isn't innocent. If you can't handle the separations, then you don't have what it takes to be a military wife. So do both of you a favor and end the engagement.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I've stayed in touch with my childhood best friend, "Claire." We talk a few times a year and I attended her wedding 10 years ago.

In the intervening years, her husband, "Kirk," has cheated on her multiple times and was once arrested by an undercover cop when he tried to meet a 14-year-old for a sexual liaison. Despite it all, Claire has chosen to stay with him. I have made peace with the fact that it is her decision and, because she lives in another state, it hasn't affected my life in any practical way -- until now.

I am being married next year, and Claire has expressed excitement at attending my wedding. I'd like to invite her, but not Kirk. I think he would be too much of a distraction for me. There will be enough people keeping an eye on the kids, but I know if I see him talking to my niece or nephew, it will make me extremely uncomfortable. God forbid, if he did something inappropriate, it would end my friendship with Claire.

Am I worrying too much? I don't want to hurt my friend, but I also don't want to put any child in harm's way or have my memory of the day marred with scanning the crowd to make sure Kirk isn't doing anything suspect. Your opinion would be helpful. -- APPREHENSIVE BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR APPREHENSIVE: You need to be up front and sort this out with Claire before issuing an invitation. It is possible that her husband is legally enjoined from having contact with minors and could not attend your wedding even if invited. If you prefer that he not attend, you need to have the courage to say so. It probably won't be the first time she has heard it. But safety of the young people, not to mention your peace of mind, must come first.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Danny" for two years. He's smart, charming and funny. However, after we argue I'm always the one to start talking to try to come to a solution or a compromise. Danny never takes the initiative. I think he has a problem communicating with me about his feelings. What should I do? -- TALKER IN PORTLAND, MAINE

DEAR TALKER: If after two years your boyfriend is unwilling or unable to resolve disagreements in an adult fashion, you should suggest couples counseling. It could avert serious problems in the future if you decide to invest more time in this relationship.