DEAR ABBY: I'm fortunate to be married to an amazing woman. There's just one problem. She's convinced that I'm going to burn down the house. She constantly nags me when I'm cooking, even when I'm literally standing over the pots. I find her tone -- and the idea that I don't know how to use a stove -- insulting.

She insists I have the burner on too high when I'm making spaghetti, and it will somehow result in a catastrophe far worse than a ruined meal. I find it extremely annoying because I am 30, served my country honorably in Iraq, have been making spaghetti since I was 12 and have never caused any sort of kitchen fire.

My wife hasn't cooked for me in more than a year. That doesn't upset me because I know she works hard to earn money for our family. But if she doesn't cook for me and I'm not allowed to cook for me, then how am I supposed to eat?

Is there anything I can do to make my wife understand that I can be trusted to make a simple meal on a simple stove? -- PASTA GUY IN PHILLY

DEAR PASTA GUY: Probably not, if you haven't been able to convey that message in more than a year. So insist that she stay out of the kitchen while you're cooking, or prepare your meals after she has left for work. Or expand your repertoire beyond spaghetti and make a salad instead.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old high school student with a wonderful life, but I'm not happy. I get good grades, have many great friends, a weekend job and an amazing boyfriend. (He's 17.)

The problem is I'm bored. I have had only one technical boyfriend besides the one I have now. I had two "flings" where I got involved with guys without an official or physical relationship. I know most teenagers would kill for a boyfriend like mine who buys them things and tells them they're beautiful. But I want a relationship with ups and downs -- drama and fighting. Am I crazy to want to date other people, or is this normal? -- LOST IN LOVE

DEAR LOST IN LOVE: You're not crazy. It is normal for some teenage girls to want variety. However, please don't equate the kind of drama you see on TV and in films with what real life is supposed to be about. Relationships filled with drama and fighting do not have happy outcomes. They can lead to bruised hearts and sometimes violence.

If you want to end the relationship with your boyfriend, by all means do so. But before you become involved in the kind of relationship you think would be exciting, please discuss it with your mother or another trusted adult, because a mature person with insight should share some of it with you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother gives gifts -- sometimes very generous ones -- but always with strings attached. She also keeps a record of which recipients have responded with appropriate gratitude (cards, phone calls) and those who have not. Those individuals on the "not" list are ridiculed behind their backs and slighted in other ways.

My mother considers herself a "good Christian," but I believe her actions are selfish, and I have conflicting emotions when I receive gifts from her. What do you think? -- CONFLICTED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think you should always thank your mother graciously and appropriately for her generosity when she gives you a gift, if only because it is considered good manners.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in high school and my sister is a junior. She plays violin in our school orchestra (first chair), gets straight A's in all her classes (honors and AP courses) and is gorgeous and popular. I, on the other hand, am socially awkward, spend most of my time with my nose jammed in a book, barely get A's in my few honors courses and play in the school band.

I have a few close friends, but most of them aren't in any of my classes so I eat lunch alone. I don't want to be popular; I just want to stop being jealous of my sister. How can I do that when anything I do that's good is overshadowed by all her accomplishments? -- LIVING IN THE SHADOWS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LIVING IN THE SHADOWS: It would be helpful if you would stop comparing yourself to your sister. You are an individual, and individuals do not all blossom at the same rate. You have accomplishments you should be proud of. You play an instrument, you are in some honors courses, and you are a reader. The time you spend with your "nose jammed in a book" will pay off later because you are developing your mind.

I recommend you find an area of interest that your sister hasn't tried, and develop that. It's a way to excel at something in your own right, and make some new acquaintances so you aren't lost in the glare of your sister's spotlight.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old woman. My boyfriend of two years and I are having issues because of his irresponsibility. He's a great guy with a heart of gold, but he can't keep a job. He has quit the same job three times within the last 12 months and now is fully unemployed.

I have been confiding in a female friend who happens to be a lesbian. Her understanding and compassion have brought us a lot closer than I could have ever imagined. Honestly, I am not attracted to women, but there's something going on in my heart for her. She knows how I feel and has expressed interest in taking our friendship to a different level, but I'm not sure I can do it. Homosexuality is not accepted in my family, and I wouldn't be comfortable about being open in public with another woman. Can you help me decide what to do? -- ANONYMOUS IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You may not be attracted to women, but you appear to be attracted to this one. Your disappointment in your boyfriend's inability to hold a job is not the issue here. The issue is your fear of your family's disapproval and your embarrassment about being open about your attraction if it turns out to be more powerful than you want to admit. Whether you ignore your feelings or follow through on them, you will pay a price. My advice is be true to yourself, but make sure you think long and hard before acting.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced and have chosen to go back to using my maiden name. The divorce was a long time in coming and, frankly, I'm happy about it. What's bothering me is the reaction I get from most people about my name change. Many of them assume that a name change equals marriage -- so I am often congratulated. What lighthearted response can I give to those folks to set them straight? -- UNATTACHED IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR UNATTACHED: Say, "Thank you for the congratulations, but this is the name I was born with."

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago I received a large white envelope from a friend I had been close to in high school. "Jen" returned every letter, card and note I had written to her throughout our four years of school. She thanked me for being a good friend and thought I might like to have them.

I can't tell you how upsetting it was to read how awful I was as a teenager. I was promiscuous, used foul language and made references to experimenting with drugs. It brought back so many terrible memories that I had blocked.

I have been married for 23 years and have three children who would be crushed if they discovered my past. I don't know what to do. The letters are full of history and my innermost feelings. Some passages are humorous and the thoughts of a silly teenager talking to a dear friend. I can't bring myself to throw them away and have hidden them in my hope chest. What should I do with them? -- SECRETS OF THE PAST

DEAR SECRETS: The problem with the written word is that it often outlives the writer. If you don't want your children or grandchildren to remember you through your true confessions, censor them NOW. Unless you're "hoping" your family will discover the letters after you're gone, you should destroy them. However, if they contain memories you would like to keep, copy the passages down and place those in your hope chest.

DEAR ABBY: I am very fair-skinned and turn red easily, especially when I'm nervous or embarrassed. It has made me afraid to speak in public or to go to large events where there may be a lot of people. Do you have any advice on how I can get over this? -- BLUSHING EVEN NOW IN PHOENIX

DEAR BLUSHING: What you have described may be a symptom of social phobia, the most common form of an anxiety disorder. There are effective treatments for it, and you can find out more about them by discussing your problem with your physician and/or a psychologist. You might also benefit from attending a phobia support group. The psychologist can help you locate one or more of them in your community.

DEAR ABBY: I am very fair-skinned and turn red easily, especially when I'm nervous or embarrassed. It has made me afraid to speak in public or to go to large events where there may be a lot of people. Do you have any advice on how I can get over this? -- BLUSHING EVEN NOW IN PHOENIX

DEAR BLUSHING: What you have described may be a symptom of social phobia, the most common form of an anxiety disorder. There are effective treatments for it, and you can find out more about them by discussing your problem with your physician and/or a psychologist. You might also benefit from attending a phobia support group. The psychologist can help you locate one or more of them in your community.