DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Mandy," was invited to a friend's birthday party along with 12 other girls. They were told to meet at the mall where they'd "go shopping" together, then go for a sleepover afterward.

The birthday girl told her friends to bring money as gifts. Well, she raked in more than $300 then proceeded to spend it all on herself while her friends stood and watched. Mandy returned home the next day and told me that although the girl spent the money on herself, her mom did buy them each a beverage.

Abby, I gave my daughter $20 to go to the party, thinking the money would be for all of their fun -- not the birthday girl's financial gain. I thought your readers might want to learn from my mistake. These days, a birthday party may not be a party at all! -- HORRIFIED IN WICHITA

DEAR HORRIFIED: While this may have been shocking to you, the kind of party you have described may be acceptable to your daughter and her circle of friends. The birthday girl's intentions could have been made more clear -- she requested money as gifts and instructed everyone to meet at the mall. However, they accepted the invitation on her terms. The sleepover may have been the party. I hope they were fed after the mall crawl because they must have been starving.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died unexpectedly last year, three months before my 18th birthday. He had been kicked out of the house a few months prior to that because he was a horrible alcoholic who destroyed everything he ever cared about. He froze to death, alone.

My boyfriend is my soul mate. He has been my only source of support since Dad died. Mom ignores everything and has left me alone to go through all of this, spending my Social Security on vacations we could never have afforded before. My best friend is away at school in a different state and I'm more alone than ever. How am I supposed to survive all this alone? -- ALWAYS ALONE

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your father, who paid the ultimate price for his addiction. You write well and are obviously intelligent. If you're still in school, counseling may be available for you if there is a counselor on staff. Because your mother is emotionally unavailable and your best friend is out of state, your friend's mother might be willing to listen and advise you during this difficult period.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a widow. She says she no longer wants to be addressed as Mrs. because she is not married. I thought that once married you were always a Mrs. unless you choose to be a Ms. Isn't it proper for a widow to be addressed as Mrs.? -- DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW: As a widow your mother-in-law can continue to use her married name -- or adopt any name she chooses. If she prefers not to be called Mrs. her wishes should be respected. Some widows prefer to be called "Mrs. John Jones" for the rest of their lives, while others do not. If your mother-in-law prefers "Ms. Betty Jones," that's fine, too. It's a personal choice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 years old. I play two competitive sports, maintain a 4.0 GPA, have good friends and will be attending the college of my dreams. Yet for some reason I cannot get along with my parents.

It seems like I can't live up to their standards. We get into huge fights every day over insignificant things. My parents continually tell me they don't think I will handle college very well because I "can't get along with people." But their lack of faith just frustrates me and we get into more fights.

In reality, the only people I don't get along with are my parents. This is unsettling to me because next fall I will be across the country from them and I feel they will be happy that I'm gone. I'm at a loss as to what to do to control my temper and fix my relationship with my parents before I leave. Your advice would be appreciated. -- CLIMBING THE WALLS IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CLIMBING THE WALLS: It's possible that your parents may be suffering from separation anxiety. You, their child, are about to leave the nest, and they may be dealing with conflicting feelings of pride in your accomplishments and sadness that you are about to fly from the nest. It may not be a lack of faith in you. Also, they may be having second thoughts about how they can afford the tuition and other college expenses beyond possible financial aid.

Whatever their reasons are, you need some tools to help you stay calm and not fly off the handle when your buttons are pushed -- regardless of who is pressing them. In my booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," I offer suggestions that will help you gain control of your emotions so that you will lose your temper less often. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Anger is a normal emotion. There are probably no human beings who don't experience anger at one time or another. However, it's important that you learn some techniques to handle your emotional reactions more constructively than you have been. Not only will these techniques help you with your parents now, but also they will help you when you're away at college adjusting to new people and new situations.

Remember, the average person may become irritated, angry or frustrated several times a day. The key is to deal with these emotions effectively. Talk to your parents about your feelings and explore what's going on. By focusing on what is triggering your negative emotions instead of reacting with an outburst, you can not only defuse your anger but also retain your dignity, and possibly achieve a more informed understanding of how your parents may really feel. I hope that the outcome will be a rapprochement with your parents.

DEAR ABBY: Like "I'd Rather Walk in Houston" (Nov. 12), I learned to drive as a high school senior. My father taught me in a local park. As I learned to operate the car, I gained confidence, but I was still not ready for street traffic. He said I was a "slow learner," but didn't force me onto the streets. After several more rounds in the park, I was able to face traffic. Yes, I was uneasy, but having Dad in the passenger seat boosted my confidence. I drove with supervision for several months to get accustomed to the controls and learn to avoid other cars and curbs.

My solo drive was prom night. By the time I arrived at my date's home I felt as if I had showered in my tux! After the dance, miraculously, I felt relaxed and comfortable behind the wheel.

My supervised driving was a big help. Talking about safe driving and seeing videos may not have the same effect as driving with a critic in the passenger seat. -- DRIVING SINCE '59 IN CLARKSVILLE, TENN.

DEAR DRIVING: Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- seems to have an anecdote about their early driving experiences. My office was inundated. My newspaper readers' comments:

DEAR ABBY: I also struggled with an unbearable fear of driving. I took cabs and walked, even though I had a car and a valid license. I declined invitations when they meant I would have to drive. It only got worse after I moved to a larger city.

I finally sought help and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that manifested behind the wheel. I now take medication and have learned coping skills to handle my feelings. I am still very cautious, but I'm no longer housebound. In fact, I sometimes even enjoy taking the scenic route. I agree with you that "Rather" should see a therapist who can show her techniques to calm herself before and during trips. -- CAUTIOUS DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: I had many of the same fears. I was afraid something bad would happen if I was driving alone in the car. Even though I was 18, I didn't feel old enough or responsible enough to be driving.

Once I got my license, I loved driving! If I had realized earlier what a sense of freedom and maturity getting my license would give me, I would have gotten it the day I turned 16. -- ALSO A LATE DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: "Rather" has good reason to fear driving: Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among U.S. teens. In 2009, about 3,000 teens ages 15 to 19 were killed and 350,000 were treated in emergency rooms. After graduation she can choose a college in an urban area with sidewalks, bicycle lanes and good public transit and minimize -- or even eliminate -- the need to drive.

People who walk are less likely to experience many health problems. They are not the ones who should consider talking to a therapist. Rather, it is those drivers who account for the 65 percent of trips under a mile that are taken by car. -- PROMOTING TRANSPORTATION SAFETY

DEAR ABBY: If "Rather" wants to drive and just needs to get past the initial fear that comes along with the enormous responsibility, then your advice was on target for how to get over her insecurity. However, if she just prefers to walk, I can tell her from personal experience that a person can function just fine, especially in a large city.

I took driver's ed when I was 16 and never got comfortable driving, nor did I feel the need to get my license. I am now 33, living in a large city. I walk to my job, the grocery store and anywhere else I need to go. If I choose to venture farther, there is public transportation. I am self-sufficient. I have never yearned to have my driver's license, and I am totally comfortable being a pedestrian. -- HAPPY ON FOOT IN MILWAUKEE