life

College Bound Senior Doesn't Measure Up in Parents' Eyes

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 25th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 years old. I play two competitive sports, maintain a 4.0 GPA, have good friends and will be attending the college of my dreams. Yet for some reason I cannot get along with my parents.

It seems like I can't live up to their standards. We get into huge fights every day over insignificant things. My parents continually tell me they don't think I will handle college very well because I "can't get along with people." But their lack of faith just frustrates me and we get into more fights.

In reality, the only people I don't get along with are my parents. This is unsettling to me because next fall I will be across the country from them and I feel they will be happy that I'm gone. I'm at a loss as to what to do to control my temper and fix my relationship with my parents before I leave. Your advice would be appreciated. -- CLIMBING THE WALLS IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CLIMBING THE WALLS: It's possible that your parents may be suffering from separation anxiety. You, their child, are about to leave the nest, and they may be dealing with conflicting feelings of pride in your accomplishments and sadness that you are about to fly from the nest. It may not be a lack of faith in you. Also, they may be having second thoughts about how they can afford the tuition and other college expenses beyond possible financial aid.

Whatever their reasons are, you need some tools to help you stay calm and not fly off the handle when your buttons are pushed -- regardless of who is pressing them. In my booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," I offer suggestions that will help you gain control of your emotions so that you will lose your temper less often. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Anger is a normal emotion. There are probably no human beings who don't experience anger at one time or another. However, it's important that you learn some techniques to handle your emotional reactions more constructively than you have been. Not only will these techniques help you with your parents now, but also they will help you when you're away at college adjusting to new people and new situations.

Remember, the average person may become irritated, angry or frustrated several times a day. The key is to deal with these emotions effectively. Talk to your parents about your feelings and explore what's going on. By focusing on what is triggering your negative emotions instead of reacting with an outburst, you can not only defuse your anger but also retain your dignity, and possibly achieve a more informed understanding of how your parents may really feel. I hope that the outcome will be a rapprochement with your parents.

life

Dad's Patient Instruction Gave Teen Confidence Behind Wheel

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 24th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: Like "I'd Rather Walk in Houston" (Nov. 12), I learned to drive as a high school senior. My father taught me in a local park. As I learned to operate the car, I gained confidence, but I was still not ready for street traffic. He said I was a "slow learner," but didn't force me onto the streets. After several more rounds in the park, I was able to face traffic. Yes, I was uneasy, but having Dad in the passenger seat boosted my confidence. I drove with supervision for several months to get accustomed to the controls and learn to avoid other cars and curbs.

My solo drive was prom night. By the time I arrived at my date's home I felt as if I had showered in my tux! After the dance, miraculously, I felt relaxed and comfortable behind the wheel.

My supervised driving was a big help. Talking about safe driving and seeing videos may not have the same effect as driving with a critic in the passenger seat. -- DRIVING SINCE '59 IN CLARKSVILLE, TENN.

DEAR DRIVING: Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- seems to have an anecdote about their early driving experiences. My office was inundated. My newspaper readers' comments:

DEAR ABBY: I also struggled with an unbearable fear of driving. I took cabs and walked, even though I had a car and a valid license. I declined invitations when they meant I would have to drive. It only got worse after I moved to a larger city.

I finally sought help and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that manifested behind the wheel. I now take medication and have learned coping skills to handle my feelings. I am still very cautious, but I'm no longer housebound. In fact, I sometimes even enjoy taking the scenic route. I agree with you that "Rather" should see a therapist who can show her techniques to calm herself before and during trips. -- CAUTIOUS DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: I had many of the same fears. I was afraid something bad would happen if I was driving alone in the car. Even though I was 18, I didn't feel old enough or responsible enough to be driving.

Once I got my license, I loved driving! If I had realized earlier what a sense of freedom and maturity getting my license would give me, I would have gotten it the day I turned 16. -- ALSO A LATE DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: "Rather" has good reason to fear driving: Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among U.S. teens. In 2009, about 3,000 teens ages 15 to 19 were killed and 350,000 were treated in emergency rooms. After graduation she can choose a college in an urban area with sidewalks, bicycle lanes and good public transit and minimize -- or even eliminate -- the need to drive.

People who walk are less likely to experience many health problems. They are not the ones who should consider talking to a therapist. Rather, it is those drivers who account for the 65 percent of trips under a mile that are taken by car. -- PROMOTING TRANSPORTATION SAFETY

DEAR ABBY: If "Rather" wants to drive and just needs to get past the initial fear that comes along with the enormous responsibility, then your advice was on target for how to get over her insecurity. However, if she just prefers to walk, I can tell her from personal experience that a person can function just fine, especially in a large city.

I took driver's ed when I was 16 and never got comfortable driving, nor did I feel the need to get my license. I am now 33, living in a large city. I walk to my job, the grocery store and anywhere else I need to go. If I choose to venture farther, there is public transportation. I am self-sufficient. I have never yearned to have my driver's license, and I am totally comfortable being a pedestrian. -- HAPPY ON FOOT IN MILWAUKEE

life

Recognizing Signs of Stroke Can Help Save Valuable Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this because I hope you will tell your readers to learn the signs of a stroke. I wish I had known.

I was visiting my grandma seven years ago. During dinner she had a stroke. I knew something was wrong, but wasn't sure what it was. My sister and I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital, but she said no. We respected her wishes and didn't insist. We finally took her two days later.

Abby, my grandmother never spoke again. She spent her last seven years aware of what she wanted to say, but unable to say it. The guilt I carry is hard to live with.

Please tell your readers to make sure they know the signs of a stroke and to remember that while most people don't want to go to the hospital, the first three hours after a stroke are critical. If you suspect that your loved one is having a stroke, get that person to a hospital fast, even if they don't want to go! You can't take back the damage a stroke causes.

My grandmother is gone now and I miss her terribly. She was a loving grandparent, and I hope she'll forgive me. -- MISSING HER IN UTAH

DEAR MISSING HER: What happened to your grandmother was tragic, but you were no more at fault than the millions of others who are also unaware of the signs of stroke. In your grandmother's memory, I'll describe them.

The most common stroke symptoms are: sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg -- especially on one side of the body. Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding. Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes. Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination. Sudden severe headache with no known cause.

Other important but common symptoms include: sudden nausea, fever and vomiting -- distinguished from a viral illness by the speed of onset (minutes or hours versus several days). And brief loss of consciousness such as fainting or convulsions.

If you see or have any of these symptoms, call 911! Every minute counts, and treatment can be more effective if it's given quickly.

life

Dear Abby for January 23, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old goddaughter is pregnant. She is beautiful, smart and talented. Her boyfriend is wonderful to her and they are very happy together. My problem is people who frown on her happiness. I am regularly asked if I'm disappointed in her. My response is usually: "It's unexpected, but we will make the best of it. She and her boyfriend both work and have a great support network and a huge family."

I think it's rude of people to assume that this is bad news. How do I respond to those who are so oblivious? -- OFFENDED AUNT IN SCRANTON, PA.

DEAR OFFENDED: The way you are answering them is appropriate, positive and polite. You need no help from me.

life

Dear Abby for January 23, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

TO MY ASIAN READERS: This is the Year of the Dragon, a symbol of power and good fortune. Those born in the Year of the Dragon are confident, brave and fearless. A symbol of strength in Asian culture, the dragon once symbolized the emperor of China. I wish a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to all of you.

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Forgotten Salves
  • Lucky Squirrel
  • White Dresses
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Grandparents' Executor Liquidates Everything
  • Son Isn't the Repairman He Thinks He Is
  • Invisible Roommate Proves a Mixed Blessing
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal