life

Dad's Patient Instruction Gave Teen Confidence Behind Wheel

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 24th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: Like "I'd Rather Walk in Houston" (Nov. 12), I learned to drive as a high school senior. My father taught me in a local park. As I learned to operate the car, I gained confidence, but I was still not ready for street traffic. He said I was a "slow learner," but didn't force me onto the streets. After several more rounds in the park, I was able to face traffic. Yes, I was uneasy, but having Dad in the passenger seat boosted my confidence. I drove with supervision for several months to get accustomed to the controls and learn to avoid other cars and curbs.

My solo drive was prom night. By the time I arrived at my date's home I felt as if I had showered in my tux! After the dance, miraculously, I felt relaxed and comfortable behind the wheel.

My supervised driving was a big help. Talking about safe driving and seeing videos may not have the same effect as driving with a critic in the passenger seat. -- DRIVING SINCE '59 IN CLARKSVILLE, TENN.

DEAR DRIVING: Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- seems to have an anecdote about their early driving experiences. My office was inundated. My newspaper readers' comments:

DEAR ABBY: I also struggled with an unbearable fear of driving. I took cabs and walked, even though I had a car and a valid license. I declined invitations when they meant I would have to drive. It only got worse after I moved to a larger city.

I finally sought help and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that manifested behind the wheel. I now take medication and have learned coping skills to handle my feelings. I am still very cautious, but I'm no longer housebound. In fact, I sometimes even enjoy taking the scenic route. I agree with you that "Rather" should see a therapist who can show her techniques to calm herself before and during trips. -- CAUTIOUS DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: I had many of the same fears. I was afraid something bad would happen if I was driving alone in the car. Even though I was 18, I didn't feel old enough or responsible enough to be driving.

Once I got my license, I loved driving! If I had realized earlier what a sense of freedom and maturity getting my license would give me, I would have gotten it the day I turned 16. -- ALSO A LATE DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: "Rather" has good reason to fear driving: Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among U.S. teens. In 2009, about 3,000 teens ages 15 to 19 were killed and 350,000 were treated in emergency rooms. After graduation she can choose a college in an urban area with sidewalks, bicycle lanes and good public transit and minimize -- or even eliminate -- the need to drive.

People who walk are less likely to experience many health problems. They are not the ones who should consider talking to a therapist. Rather, it is those drivers who account for the 65 percent of trips under a mile that are taken by car. -- PROMOTING TRANSPORTATION SAFETY

DEAR ABBY: If "Rather" wants to drive and just needs to get past the initial fear that comes along with the enormous responsibility, then your advice was on target for how to get over her insecurity. However, if she just prefers to walk, I can tell her from personal experience that a person can function just fine, especially in a large city.

I took driver's ed when I was 16 and never got comfortable driving, nor did I feel the need to get my license. I am now 33, living in a large city. I walk to my job, the grocery store and anywhere else I need to go. If I choose to venture farther, there is public transportation. I am self-sufficient. I have never yearned to have my driver's license, and I am totally comfortable being a pedestrian. -- HAPPY ON FOOT IN MILWAUKEE

life

Recognizing Signs of Stroke Can Help Save Valuable Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this because I hope you will tell your readers to learn the signs of a stroke. I wish I had known.

I was visiting my grandma seven years ago. During dinner she had a stroke. I knew something was wrong, but wasn't sure what it was. My sister and I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital, but she said no. We respected her wishes and didn't insist. We finally took her two days later.

Abby, my grandmother never spoke again. She spent her last seven years aware of what she wanted to say, but unable to say it. The guilt I carry is hard to live with.

Please tell your readers to make sure they know the signs of a stroke and to remember that while most people don't want to go to the hospital, the first three hours after a stroke are critical. If you suspect that your loved one is having a stroke, get that person to a hospital fast, even if they don't want to go! You can't take back the damage a stroke causes.

My grandmother is gone now and I miss her terribly. She was a loving grandparent, and I hope she'll forgive me. -- MISSING HER IN UTAH

DEAR MISSING HER: What happened to your grandmother was tragic, but you were no more at fault than the millions of others who are also unaware of the signs of stroke. In your grandmother's memory, I'll describe them.

The most common stroke symptoms are: sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg -- especially on one side of the body. Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding. Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes. Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination. Sudden severe headache with no known cause.

Other important but common symptoms include: sudden nausea, fever and vomiting -- distinguished from a viral illness by the speed of onset (minutes or hours versus several days). And brief loss of consciousness such as fainting or convulsions.

If you see or have any of these symptoms, call 911! Every minute counts, and treatment can be more effective if it's given quickly.

life

Dear Abby for January 23, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old goddaughter is pregnant. She is beautiful, smart and talented. Her boyfriend is wonderful to her and they are very happy together. My problem is people who frown on her happiness. I am regularly asked if I'm disappointed in her. My response is usually: "It's unexpected, but we will make the best of it. She and her boyfriend both work and have a great support network and a huge family."

I think it's rude of people to assume that this is bad news. How do I respond to those who are so oblivious? -- OFFENDED AUNT IN SCRANTON, PA.

DEAR OFFENDED: The way you are answering them is appropriate, positive and polite. You need no help from me.

life

Dear Abby for January 23, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

TO MY ASIAN READERS: This is the Year of the Dragon, a symbol of power and good fortune. Those born in the Year of the Dragon are confident, brave and fearless. A symbol of strength in Asian culture, the dragon once symbolized the emperor of China. I wish a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to all of you.

life

Common Courtesy Turns Drive Through Lane Into Smooth Ride

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2012 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me pass along some tips on drive-through etiquette to your readers. I work in the fast food industry, and on behalf of my fellow workers, may I dish out the following:

Please have a general idea of what you'd like before you reach the speaker. The corporate office has us on a timer, which starts ticking as soon as you pull up.

Please be patient. We know you're tired of waiting behind the car ahead of you, but we're trying our best to make sure you get quality food.

If you have a large order or a special request, please come inside to order if possible. The people in the car behind you are waiting for their food, too.

Speak clearly (but don't yell!) into the speaker. Also, although it may seem cute to you, I can barely understand your 4-year-old when she asks me for her kiddie meal.

If you can't hear yourself over your car radio, I can't either. But if you're talking on your cellphone or to someone in your vehicle, I can hear you -- and I've heard some wild stuff.

If it's raining, please turn off your windshield wipers before you reach my window. Otherwise, I get splashed.

Finally, please treat me with respect! Yes, I know I "only" work the drive-through at your local burger joint, but you want that burger, don't you? -- WORKING THE WINDOW IN GEORGIA

DEAR WORKING THE WINDOW: I hope your letter will be taken to heart because it deserves to be. Personnel in the food service business often must deal with customers who are less than at their best -- people who are stressed, hungry and more -- but that's no excuse to treat the server rudely. Your suggestions are good ones, to which I would add that "please" and "thank you" are always appreciated.

Now, may I please have a double with extra-crispy fries? Thank you.

life

Dear Abby for January 22, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2012 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mom raising two kids. I work and also attend college full time. Every day we hear so many stories about what's wrong with the world, it makes it difficult to appreciate the good in society.

Sometimes it's hard for me to make my paycheck stretch throughout the entire week. The other day, I was at the store and had just enough money between my bank card, my cash and loose change to buy a small bottle of laundry detergent. Well, my bank card was declined. Abby, I was mortified. Near tears, I told the cashier to go ahead and cancel my purchase. Just then, the woman behind me set some money on the register to cover it. I thanked her.

This woman, a complete stranger, helped to pick up the slack for someone she may never see again. How many people would do that? I'd like to think it's karma for my having helped others in the past.

I would love you to print this. Maybe she'll see it and know how her kindness helped me to regain trust in a society where bad events usually outweigh the good. You never know when an angel is in your presence -- yet one was standing behind me in a checkout line. -- TOUCHED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR TOUCHED: I'm glad you wrote, because it gives me a chance to remind folks that while bad events do occur, they do not overshadow the good ones. The problem is that the negative events are the ones that are highlighted in the media because they're attention-grabbers.

There are millions of caring and generous people in this country and one of them was the woman who helped you. It's very possible that someone helped her in a similar situation. Good deeds are like pebbles thrown into a pond. The ripples can spread far beyond the original "splash."

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