DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my mother-in-law had to be placed in a nursing care residence because of dementia. When I visited her, it became more and more difficult to find things to talk about, until one day I came across her old address book. The idea struck me to take it with me each time I visited her, and what a success it was!

I started at the beginning of the "A" section, giving her a name and asking her to tell me about that person. She remembered a lot about most of the people in the book and related wonderful stories of friendships in rural America during the Great Depression of the 1930s. Of course, there were hardships, too. She and my father-in-law worked side-by-side on the farm to support their family.

Our "story time" visits continued until full-blown Alzheimer's disease set in. I only hope she enjoyed our times together as much as I did. They were special to me, and I'd always leave the nursing home with a smile. -- FOUND A WAY IN KANSAS

DEAR FOUND A WAY: I'm sure your mother-in-law enjoyed those visits, and what a treasure trove of family history she must have shared with you. Please write down all the stories you remember for the rest of the family because they are priceless. Your idea was brilliant, and thank you for sharing it with me and my readers.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently become engaged. I have been planning this day since I was a little girl. My problem is my mother. She's a little bit of a control freak. She plans to pay for the wedding -- which is nice and I appreciate it -- but at the same time I feel like she's ignoring my plans and substituting hers. Every time I tell her what I'd like, she tries to persuade me to do what she wants.

I even tried once being rude and telling her that she has had four weddings and this one is mine, but she got defensive when I tried to be frank with her. I feel like nothing I suggest is good enough. I don't want to spoil this for her because I'm her only daughter, but I don't want her spoiling it for me because HOPEFULLY this will be my only wedding. -- LOSING PATIENCE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LOSING PATIENCE: This may not be what you would like me to say, but as long as your mother is footing the bills for your wedding, she will have some say in the planning. If you prefer to make this a one-woman production -- and that's your privilege -- thank her warmly for her generous offer and tell her you can't accept it, and that you will be planning and paying for your wedding yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small, quiet office. My boss sits at the desk across from me and spends a great deal of time biting his nails. The noise drives me crazy and turns an otherwise pleasant work experience into a stressful one. I've tried turning up the radio, to no avail. Do you have any suggestions on how to tell my boss that he has a loud and nasty habit? -- TRAPPED WITH A NAIL-BITER

DEAR TRAPPED: No, I do not, and I recommend against you doing it. Be thankful he's not biting his toenails.

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, my mom told me that if it wasn't for me, she and my dad would be divorced. She also said that the last few years with my dad have been terrible. I feel so guilty about this, knowing that I'm the reason my parents are unhappy.

I barely slept the night my mom told me this, but actually, it all makes sense. Now I know why my parents yell at me for no reason and why I get in trouble for no reason. Abby, please help me. How do I tell my mom how it made me feel? -- FEELS GUILTY IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELS GUILTY: Your mother was wrong to say that you are the only reason she and your father have stayed married. They are together for reasons of their own that have little or nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for their unhappiness.

Your parents appear to be under a lot of pressure right now, which may be why their tempers are frayed. Before discussing this with your mother, it might help to talk about what happened with another adult relative you trust. However, if there is no one else, clip this letter, show it to your mother and tell her you wrote it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Daryl" for 10 years. He has never really hit the mark in what I want -- someone who is mature, stable, predictable and has an appropriate perspective on life. Daryl depends on the outside world to make him feel good about himself, and when that doesn't happen, he drinks and smokes pot.

I love exercise and the outdoors. He doesn't like hiking. In fact, he's afraid to challenge himself physically in even the smallest way.

I have to decide whether to stay and "make do" or move on. How do I make that choice? (I'm over 40.) -- LOOKING FOR BETTER, LAGUNA HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR LOOKING: Tell your husband what you have told me. That will give him a chance to shape up and at least try to be more of the man you thought you married. (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and not assuming you felt you were compromising when you accepted his proposal.) Daryl deserves to spend his life with someone who values him for who he is, not someone who feels she's "making do." If it doesn't work, then you should both move on.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Daryl" for 10 years. He has never really hit the mark in what I want -- someone who is mature, stable, predictable and has an appropriate perspective on life. Daryl depends on the outside world to make him feel good about himself, and when that doesn't happen, he drinks and smokes pot.

I love exercise and the outdoors. He doesn't like hiking. In fact, he's afraid to challenge himself physically in even the smallest way.

I have to decide whether to stay and "make do" or move on. How do I make that choice? (I'm over 40.) -- LOOKING FOR BETTER, LAGUNA HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR LOOKING: Tell your husband what you have told me. That will give him a chance to shape up and at least try to be more of the man you thought you married. (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and not assuming you felt you were compromising when you accepted his proposal.) Daryl deserves to spend his life with someone who values him for who he is, not someone who feels she's "making do." If it doesn't work, then you should both move on.

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed letters from adults in response to a letter from "Emotionally Abused in California" (Nov. 2), the 15-year-old who felt her mother was treating her unfairly. Today we'll hear from teenage readers:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl. My mom showed me the letter from "Emotionally Abused" and I almost died! Her mom sounds just like mine. I am not allowed to wear clothing that shows too much skin or get into a car with a teenage boy. I don't have cable TV. I have to do my own laundry, clean my room, cook dinner and hem my own jeans.

Every night our entire family sits down for dinner. My parents always know my plans when I'm out with my friends, and I go to church every Sunday -- with the occasional groan. I'm not the perfect daughter, but I'm glad I'm being raised with integrity, responsibility and a whole lot of chores. -- COOPERATING TEEN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: From one teen to another: I have heard your same story from friends a thousand times. You're not being treated like a criminal. Your mom is doing you a huge favor. She's preparing you for the real world by making you pay for your own things. She's got high expectations if she thinks you can get through college.

And about your friends, she just wants to know who they are. She's not telling you no, right? She's a single mom, and she's trying to protect you.

You need to be easier on her and try to see things through her eyes. Not everything she does is an attack on you -- in fact, it's the opposite. -- FELLOW CALIFORNIA TEEN

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl and I have never been in trouble. I attend a private school where modesty is the dress code policy. To pay for tuition to this school, I work every afternoon during the school year and full-time during the summer. I'm expected to pay for my own clothes, cellphone bill and haircuts out of my allowance. If I can't afford something, I don't buy it.

As long as I live with my parents, I will abide by their rules. My parents love me very much and have my best interests at heart. "Emotionally Abused" should have respect for her mother and be thankful for the many things she has. -- MONTANA TEEN

DEAR ABBY: I'm also a 15-year-old Catholic girl. "Emotionally Abused" should be grateful she can attend church because it means we have religious freedom in our country. She is going to private school, which means her mother loves her enough to put her daughter's needs ahead of her own. She needs to rethink who is being unreasonable. -- TEEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: After we read the letter from "Emotionally Abused," my brother and I were laughing to the point of tears! I would like to say the following to her: Our mom makes my brother (who's also 15) and me go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. Mom home-schools us, thus making her teacher, principal and mother all in one. I'll be 17 in January and I still can't date.

Mom checks my computer regularly, and I'm not allowed to go to chat rooms. My brother and I have to set the table and eat with her every night. As for visiting Dad, I wish we could see ours every week. Unfortunately, he's deployed overseas.

In conclusion: Deal with it! Your mom isn't being unreasonable; she's looking out for you. Mothers like yours are few and far between. What hurts you, hurts her. If she didn't love you, she wouldn't act the way she does. Abby's right when she says one day you'll look back and thank her. My brother and I already thank ours. -- LAUGHING SIBS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR READERS: To read a longer version of this column, go to DearAbby.com.