life

Girl Who Thinks She's Abused Gets Scolded by Fellow Teens

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 6th, 2012

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed letters from adults in response to a letter from "Emotionally Abused in California" (Nov. 2), the 15-year-old who felt her mother was treating her unfairly. Today we'll hear from teenage readers:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl. My mom showed me the letter from "Emotionally Abused" and I almost died! Her mom sounds just like mine. I am not allowed to wear clothing that shows too much skin or get into a car with a teenage boy. I don't have cable TV. I have to do my own laundry, clean my room, cook dinner and hem my own jeans.

Every night our entire family sits down for dinner. My parents always know my plans when I'm out with my friends, and I go to church every Sunday -- with the occasional groan. I'm not the perfect daughter, but I'm glad I'm being raised with integrity, responsibility and a whole lot of chores. -- COOPERATING TEEN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: From one teen to another: I have heard your same story from friends a thousand times. You're not being treated like a criminal. Your mom is doing you a huge favor. She's preparing you for the real world by making you pay for your own things. She's got high expectations if she thinks you can get through college.

And about your friends, she just wants to know who they are. She's not telling you no, right? She's a single mom, and she's trying to protect you.

You need to be easier on her and try to see things through her eyes. Not everything she does is an attack on you -- in fact, it's the opposite. -- FELLOW CALIFORNIA TEEN

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl and I have never been in trouble. I attend a private school where modesty is the dress code policy. To pay for tuition to this school, I work every afternoon during the school year and full-time during the summer. I'm expected to pay for my own clothes, cellphone bill and haircuts out of my allowance. If I can't afford something, I don't buy it.

As long as I live with my parents, I will abide by their rules. My parents love me very much and have my best interests at heart. "Emotionally Abused" should have respect for her mother and be thankful for the many things she has. -- MONTANA TEEN

DEAR ABBY: I'm also a 15-year-old Catholic girl. "Emotionally Abused" should be grateful she can attend church because it means we have religious freedom in our country. She is going to private school, which means her mother loves her enough to put her daughter's needs ahead of her own. She needs to rethink who is being unreasonable. -- TEEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: After we read the letter from "Emotionally Abused," my brother and I were laughing to the point of tears! I would like to say the following to her: Our mom makes my brother (who's also 15) and me go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. Mom home-schools us, thus making her teacher, principal and mother all in one. I'll be 17 in January and I still can't date.

Mom checks my computer regularly, and I'm not allowed to go to chat rooms. My brother and I have to set the table and eat with her every night. As for visiting Dad, I wish we could see ours every week. Unfortunately, he's deployed overseas.

In conclusion: Deal with it! Your mom isn't being unreasonable; she's looking out for you. Mothers like yours are few and far between. What hurts you, hurts her. If she didn't love you, she wouldn't act the way she does. Abby's right when she says one day you'll look back and thank her. My brother and I already thank ours. -- LAUGHING SIBS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: I go to church every Sunday and attend a private school, too. The reason our moms do this is because they want us to obtain a quality education and establish our faith. Wearing a uniform isn't as bad as it seems, partly because we don't have to take extra time trying to impress others with the latest fashion trends.

Like "Emotionally Abused," I have clothing restrictions, but I accept and respect them. I know my mom isn't out to get me, but rather she wants me to blossom into a respectable and reliable adult. She really has my best interests at heart, and so does yours. -- EMOTIONALLY HAPPY IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have the same "strict" household as "Emotionally Abused." However, I don't think my family is strict at all. Many teens don't have a parent who cares enough to put any restrictions at all on their teen's life.

Many teens, myself included, do not even have a computer. What is your problem? You should feel happy to have one! And you know what else? Many teens rarely get the chance to even leave the state, let alone go to Europe.

Consider yourself lucky that someone loves you enough to show you that she cares. Lots of kids our age don't have parents who care that much. And no, I don't think your mother is unreasonable. She cares! -- LUCKY GIRL IN INDIANA

Family & ParentingTeens
life

Girl Who Thinks She's Abused Gets Scolded by Fellow Teens

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 6th, 2012

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed letters from adults in response to a letter from "Emotionally Abused in California" (Nov. 2), the 15-year-old who felt her mother was treating her unfairly. Today we'll hear from teenage readers:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl. My mom showed me the letter from "Emotionally Abused" and I almost died! Her mom sounds just like mine. I am not allowed to wear clothing that shows too much skin or get into a car with a teenage boy. I don't have cable TV. I have to do my own laundry, clean my room, cook dinner and hem my own jeans.

Every night our entire family sits down for dinner. My parents always know my plans when I'm out with my friends, and I go to church every Sunday -- with the occasional groan. I'm not the perfect daughter, but I'm glad I'm being raised with integrity, responsibility and a whole lot of chores. -- COOPERATING TEEN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: From one teen to another: I have heard your same story from friends a thousand times. You're not being treated like a criminal. Your mom is doing you a huge favor. She's preparing you for the real world by making you pay for your own things. She's got high expectations if she thinks you can get through college.

And about your friends, she just wants to know who they are. She's not telling you no, right? She's a single mom, and she's trying to protect you.

You need to be easier on her and try to see things through her eyes. Not everything she does is an attack on you -- in fact, it's the opposite. -- FELLOW CALIFORNIA TEEN

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl and I have never been in trouble. I attend a private school where modesty is the dress code policy. To pay for tuition to this school, I work every afternoon during the school year and full-time during the summer. I'm expected to pay for my own clothes, cellphone bill and haircuts out of my allowance. If I can't afford something, I don't buy it.

As long as I live with my parents, I will abide by their rules. My parents love me very much and have my best interests at heart. "Emotionally Abused" should have respect for her mother and be thankful for the many things she has. -- MONTANA TEEN

DEAR ABBY: I'm also a 15-year-old Catholic girl. "Emotionally Abused" should be grateful she can attend church because it means we have religious freedom in our country. She is going to private school, which means her mother loves her enough to put her daughter's needs ahead of her own. She needs to rethink who is being unreasonable. -- TEEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: After we read the letter from "Emotionally Abused," my brother and I were laughing to the point of tears! I would like to say the following to her: Our mom makes my brother (who's also 15) and me go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. Mom home-schools us, thus making her teacher, principal and mother all in one. I'll be 17 in January and I still can't date.

Mom checks my computer regularly, and I'm not allowed to go to chat rooms. My brother and I have to set the table and eat with her every night. As for visiting Dad, I wish we could see ours every week. Unfortunately, he's deployed overseas.

In conclusion: Deal with it! Your mom isn't being unreasonable; she's looking out for you. Mothers like yours are few and far between. What hurts you, hurts her. If she didn't love you, she wouldn't act the way she does. Abby's right when she says one day you'll look back and thank her. My brother and I already thank ours. -- LAUGHING SIBS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR READERS: To read a longer version of this column, go to DearAbby.com.

Family & ParentingTeens
life

Strict Mom Wins Applause Despite Teen's Complaints

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 5th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I was sure "Emotionally Abused in California's" letter (Nov. 2) was inspirational, but fictional. The 15-year-old writer felt her mother was unreasonable because of the rules Mom enforced and the chores the teen was required to do. Then I started re-reading my high school diary. There were many parallels between this girl's complaints and my own as a teen.

My mom also didn't let me go to parties if she didn't know the parents and confirm they'd be home; my curfew was 11:30 p.m. on weekends because Mom couldn't sleep until I was in for the night. She always offered to host Friday pizza-and-movie night at our home to ensure my friends and I had a safe place to hang out.

Like "Emotionally Abused," I also resented my lack of freedom, but because of her efforts, I never had run-ins with the law, never got an STD or became pregnant, and I didn't try drugs or alcohol. When I expressed my frustration, Mom would say, "When you're a parent, you'll understand."

Now that I have two small children, I do understand. I hit the Mom jackpot! I'm grateful for her guidance, love and the boundaries she set for me. I'll be sending her that column and a copy of this letter to you as a thank-you for making decisions that kept me grounded and safe. -- WON THE JACKPOT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WON THE JACKPOT: When that letter hit print, I was overwhelmed with mail from readers supporting my response and sharing experiences that validated "Emotionally Abused's" mom's parenting techniques. I took special note of the responses from teens, which I'll share tomorrow. Today, some comments from adults:

DEAR ABBY: It's refreshing to know there are still parents who actually care about how they raise their children. Bringing a child into this world is a tremendous responsibility. It requires years of 24/7 vigilance, teaching and love to produce a moral, loving and productive pillar of our society. Some parents today do not take their responsibility seriously. How we raise our children will directly affect how we function as a society in the future. -- CONCERNED DAD IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher of many spoiled, lazy, irresponsible and incompetent students. If all parents were as dedicated in rearing their children as this teen's mother, my job would be wonderful. She has the necessary parenting skills to mold her child into a responsible, productive and mature adult. She's an awesome woman! -- TEACHER IN NASHVILLE, GA.

DEAR ABBY: It's about time parents raise their children appropriately. I grew up with much less than "Emotionally Abused," but with more rules and restrictions.

My mom divorced my physically abusive father when I was 3. There was no alimony or child support. Mom did it all on her own. She even went back to school to get a college degree.

Parents are not meant to be their children's BFF. They are responsible for raising their children with morals and social values. Welcome to the real world. -- JACKSON, WIS., READER

DEAR ABBY: My l5-year-old daughter often gives me a hard time for being a diligent mom. I laughed out loud at your response and let her read it. She said, "Wow, that's totally us with the exception of Catholic school." She has started being nicer to me. Thanks, Abby, for validating my efforts to be a good mom. -- DOING MY BEST IN COLORADO

DEAR READERS: To read a longer version of this column, go to DearAbby.com.

Family & ParentingTeens

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