DEAR ABBY: As a clinical psychologist, I believe your advice to "Protective Mom in the Midwest" (Oct. 26) was oversimplified. You told her she was right in not permitting her husband's brother, a registered sex offender, to visit the family during the holidays. She didn't want her 10-year-old daughter around him.

You have made the common mistake of seeing everyone who carries the "registered sex offender" label as alike. They are no more alike than are people who drink too much. Some alcoholics get drunk, angry and violent, but most do not. Some sex offenders act like Ted Bundy, but most do not. Some are guilty only of having a younger girlfriend.

Many do not directly injure anyone because they only download illegal sexual images. Some do not use force, threats or physical violence. I do not minimize what they do. They all have a mental illness and/or addiction and need intervention and treatment.

Mom and her husband should talk to the brother about what he did and what kind of rehabilitation has occurred. They can then make a better decision about a visit and what safety measures might be appropriate. -- DR. WILLIAM S. IN MIAMI

DEAR DR. S.: Your point about lumping all sex offenders together is well-stated. Another reader pointed out that something like urinating outdoors could result in this classification. However, most readers agree with me that the safety of the 10-year-old must be the primary concern. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: Stand your ground, "Protective Mom"! As a victim of abuse, I can tell you that the abuser is sick. She should not leave it up to her daughter to find out if the uncle could still be a predator.

My stepfather's abuse 30 years ago was never reported to the police. He supposedly got "counseling" and was "a changed man." Well, he's currently serving prison time for having molested his granddaughter a year and a half ago. -- KNOWS THE SCORE IN ANAHEIM, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: If Mom allows Jake in the house, local child protective authorities will consider it failure to protect the child, putting the girl at risk of being removed from the home. I am a former child protective worker who went to homes to inform parents of this. I also had to keep my own daughter away from my former in-laws because they allowed a sex offender to visit while she was there. It was difficult being the only one willing to stand up for her safety, but I will never regret knowing I did everything I could to keep my daughter safe. -- ANOTHER PROTECTIVE MOM IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR ABBY: All children should be educated as early as they can understand about issues of trust. Mom will have to watch her daughter every second Jake is around, but she shouldn't deny her husband the right to have his family come for the holidays. Perhaps he could arrange for his brother to stay at a hotel. Mom can't be with her child 24/7, so kids need to know how to handle adults who are dangerous. -- GLORIA IN CLEVELAND

DEAR ABBY: I am a sex offender and have learned through therapy why I did what I did and how to not go around where "it" may happen again. Would Jake even accept an offer to stay over? If he's like me, he'd say, "Thanks, but no thanks," and not put himself in a situation where someone could cry rape or accuse him of unwanted fondling. -- MOVING ON

DEAR ABBY: We have a registered sex offender living in our neighborhood. Despite the fact that I have young children, I am not concerned that he presents a threat. When he was 19, he had sex with a 17-year-old girl. He was tried and served his time, but he now gets to spend the rest of his life on "the list." If he had been 40, or the girl 12, I'd be concerned. Without knowing the particulars of the crime, it seems rash to sentence Uncle Jake to family purgatory. -- ANDY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting a divorce from a wonderful young man I've grown very close to. He's away in the service, and he and my daughter have grown apart. He is in Korea and not able to deal with the situation back at home.

He emails me and talks to me on Facebook quite often. When he asks me about my daughter, I am vague. I love him as a son, and I have been crying over this. I'm so upset that I'm having migraines. How do I detach from my son-in-law while still being there for my daughter? -- SAD MOTHER-IN-LAW IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD M-I-L: Be honest with him. Tell him that while you love him like a son, the present situation with your daughter is causing you so much emotional conflict that it's making you physically ill. Explain that you will always be his friend, but that you must distance yourself emotionally somewhat until the divorce is final and he and your daughter have moved further on in their lives. Yours is not a happy situation to be in and you have my sympathy, but your health must come first.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an educational setting where the emphasis is on accountability, responsibility and being a good role model. I made a terrible decision two years ago and received a DUI while out of town. I'm still ashamed of my choices that night.

I accepted all responsibility and completed the necessary requirements through the courts. However, since then I have dreaded someone at work finding out and losing the job I love. Do I talk to my HR department or confess to my supervisor? Or do I just keep it to myself and hope no one finds out? -- STILL PAYING THE PRICE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR STILL PAYING: If you're involved in education, then you may be a member of a union. Instead of discussing this with HR, have a chat about it with your union representative. Because you have accepted responsibility for the incident and have completed the requirements of the court, I doubt that your job is in jeopardy, and your union rep may be able to give you some peace of mind.

If you have no union representation, keep it to yourself. I see nothing to be gained by blabbing about this to your co-workers.

DEAR ABBY: While driving the streets and highways, we communicate in many ways with our fellow commuters. We can wave, give a "thumbs up," lay on the horn or, in slow traffic, shout out the window with curses or blessings. More often than not, a "single-finger salute" is flashed in anger, and that sometimes turns into road rage.

Instead, we should drive the same way our lives should be lived -- with compassion, consideration, attention and awareness of our fellow travelers. When we make mistakes, we should be repentant and signal an "I'm sorry."

Abby, I'm at a loss for a hand signal for "I'm sorry." Any suggestions? -- MILD-MANNERED MOTORIST IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MILD-MANNERED: Living in a city known for its heavy traffic, I can relate from personal observation that many drivers commit moving violations, and an equal number simply make mistakes while behind the wheel. Even I (the saintliest of advice columnists) have done this. While I'm sure my helpful readers will step forward to volunteer suggestions for an "I'm sorry" signal, what I have done when the person pulls up next to me and we're stopped, is raise both hands (palms up) and say, "I'm sorry!" The shame on my face conveys the message.

DEAR ABBY: After a long battle with cancer, my beloved mother died. After we got over the initial shock of Mom's passing, we were looking through her room. It had always been ingrained in us not to snoop through Mom's things, so there were some feelings of guilt when we did it.

On her dresser was an old jewelry box one of us had given her for Christmas years ago. It was a ratty old thing covered in white vinyl, its embossed gold paint long gone. The latch was rusty, but we finally managed to get it open. There was no jewelry inside. Instead, nestled in the threadbare red velveteen, were the treasures of a lifetime of loving.

There were the hospital bracelets each of us had worn as infants, a lock of my baby hair, the first Mother's Day card ever given to her, an old school photo of me framed in popsicle sticks, a gift card written to her by my father before we were born along with other items that probably wouldn't be worth 50 cents to anyone else. But they were priceless to our mother.

My sister and I were amazed. Our mom knew that love isn't something you wait for or something that comes to you from elsewhere, but rather that it's a behavior, a way of being in the world. Her personal treasures were evidence not of the love she'd received, but tokens of the love she had given.

We decided to assemble a scrapbook of these treasures, to be kept for a year by each of us then passed along to the others as a Christmas gift each holiday.

Please tell your readers that in the end, all that matters is the love you give. That is our mother's legacy to us, and it will ultimately be her legacy to her great-grandchildren.

This Christmas, while missing our mother, we will smile through our tears, remembering how her face would be alight with love on Christmas morning at the sight of us opening the gifts she'd left under the tree. And isn't that the greatest gift we could ask for? -- GRATEFUL SON IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS

DEAR GRATEFUL SON: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. She must have been a wonderful woman to have raised such a sensitive son. It's obvious that she knew -- and taught each of you -- that the most important gift we can give each other isn't one that's tangible. The most important gift is love.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a l3-year-old girl and my mom's having a baby. No, I'm not an only child -- I have two half-brothers and one soon-to-be stepbrother. My mom has been let down so many times in her life by so many men. She has told me to wait to have sex until I'm married, and now this happens -- and before they get married.

Abby, I feel so disappointed in her. I don't think my mom "gets" how let down by her I feel. How do I tell her? -- CONFUSED IN CHICAGO

DEAR CONFUSED: I suspect your mother already knows on some level what you're thinking and that she didn't set a good example. If you feel it's necessary to vent, then tell her just the way you told me.

You appear to be an intelligent young woman. So take this as an opportunity to learn from the pain you have seen her suffer from her poor choices. It will keep you from making the same mistakes you have seen her make, and it will serve you well -- now and in the future.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: I wish each and every one of you a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone.