DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting a divorce from a wonderful young man I've grown very close to. He's away in the service, and he and my daughter have grown apart. He is in Korea and not able to deal with the situation back at home.

He emails me and talks to me on Facebook quite often. When he asks me about my daughter, I am vague. I love him as a son, and I have been crying over this. I'm so upset that I'm having migraines. How do I detach from my son-in-law while still being there for my daughter? -- SAD MOTHER-IN-LAW IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD M-I-L: Be honest with him. Tell him that while you love him like a son, the present situation with your daughter is causing you so much emotional conflict that it's making you physically ill. Explain that you will always be his friend, but that you must distance yourself emotionally somewhat until the divorce is final and he and your daughter have moved further on in their lives. Yours is not a happy situation to be in and you have my sympathy, but your health must come first.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an educational setting where the emphasis is on accountability, responsibility and being a good role model. I made a terrible decision two years ago and received a DUI while out of town. I'm still ashamed of my choices that night.

I accepted all responsibility and completed the necessary requirements through the courts. However, since then I have dreaded someone at work finding out and losing the job I love. Do I talk to my HR department or confess to my supervisor? Or do I just keep it to myself and hope no one finds out? -- STILL PAYING THE PRICE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR STILL PAYING: If you're involved in education, then you may be a member of a union. Instead of discussing this with HR, have a chat about it with your union representative. Because you have accepted responsibility for the incident and have completed the requirements of the court, I doubt that your job is in jeopardy, and your union rep may be able to give you some peace of mind.

If you have no union representation, keep it to yourself. I see nothing to be gained by blabbing about this to your co-workers.

DEAR ABBY: While driving the streets and highways, we communicate in many ways with our fellow commuters. We can wave, give a "thumbs up," lay on the horn or, in slow traffic, shout out the window with curses or blessings. More often than not, a "single-finger salute" is flashed in anger, and that sometimes turns into road rage.

Instead, we should drive the same way our lives should be lived -- with compassion, consideration, attention and awareness of our fellow travelers. When we make mistakes, we should be repentant and signal an "I'm sorry."

Abby, I'm at a loss for a hand signal for "I'm sorry." Any suggestions? -- MILD-MANNERED MOTORIST IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MILD-MANNERED: Living in a city known for its heavy traffic, I can relate from personal observation that many drivers commit moving violations, and an equal number simply make mistakes while behind the wheel. Even I (the saintliest of advice columnists) have done this. While I'm sure my helpful readers will step forward to volunteer suggestions for an "I'm sorry" signal, what I have done when the person pulls up next to me and we're stopped, is raise both hands (palms up) and say, "I'm sorry!" The shame on my face conveys the message.

DEAR ABBY: After a long battle with cancer, my beloved mother died. After we got over the initial shock of Mom's passing, we were looking through her room. It had always been ingrained in us not to snoop through Mom's things, so there were some feelings of guilt when we did it.

On her dresser was an old jewelry box one of us had given her for Christmas years ago. It was a ratty old thing covered in white vinyl, its embossed gold paint long gone. The latch was rusty, but we finally managed to get it open. There was no jewelry inside. Instead, nestled in the threadbare red velveteen, were the treasures of a lifetime of loving.

There were the hospital bracelets each of us had worn as infants, a lock of my baby hair, the first Mother's Day card ever given to her, an old school photo of me framed in popsicle sticks, a gift card written to her by my father before we were born along with other items that probably wouldn't be worth 50 cents to anyone else. But they were priceless to our mother.

My sister and I were amazed. Our mom knew that love isn't something you wait for or something that comes to you from elsewhere, but rather that it's a behavior, a way of being in the world. Her personal treasures were evidence not of the love she'd received, but tokens of the love she had given.

We decided to assemble a scrapbook of these treasures, to be kept for a year by each of us then passed along to the others as a Christmas gift each holiday.

Please tell your readers that in the end, all that matters is the love you give. That is our mother's legacy to us, and it will ultimately be her legacy to her great-grandchildren.

This Christmas, while missing our mother, we will smile through our tears, remembering how her face would be alight with love on Christmas morning at the sight of us opening the gifts she'd left under the tree. And isn't that the greatest gift we could ask for? -- GRATEFUL SON IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS

DEAR GRATEFUL SON: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. She must have been a wonderful woman to have raised such a sensitive son. It's obvious that she knew -- and taught each of you -- that the most important gift we can give each other isn't one that's tangible. The most important gift is love.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a l3-year-old girl and my mom's having a baby. No, I'm not an only child -- I have two half-brothers and one soon-to-be stepbrother. My mom has been let down so many times in her life by so many men. She has told me to wait to have sex until I'm married, and now this happens -- and before they get married.

Abby, I feel so disappointed in her. I don't think my mom "gets" how let down by her I feel. How do I tell her? -- CONFUSED IN CHICAGO

DEAR CONFUSED: I suspect your mother already knows on some level what you're thinking and that she didn't set a good example. If you feel it's necessary to vent, then tell her just the way you told me.

You appear to be an intelligent young woman. So take this as an opportunity to learn from the pain you have seen her suffer from her poor choices. It will keep you from making the same mistakes you have seen her make, and it will serve you well -- now and in the future.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: I wish each and every one of you a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for more than 20 years. I joined an online social network to keep in touch with family, friends and my kids who are in college. I love the convenience, but I'm in a quandary.

A number of men from my past (some I dated and some not) have contacted me online with their phone numbers and asked me to call them. I was flattered at first, but now I think phone communication would be inviting trouble.

I politely inform friends who push the issue that I'm happy to catch up online, but out of respect for my husband and my marriage I don't call men who send me their numbers. Most of them then drop further attempts at communication; others do not.

My problem is it continues to happen. I don't remember being that popular when I was young, so it has caught me off guard. I suspended my account several times, but reactivated it because I miss the connection with extended family and friends.

I'm getting turned off to responding to any "friend" requests anymore because it seems that most men just want to recapture some youthful fantasy. How do I handle this? -- BLAST FROM THE PAST

DEAR BLAST: You are handling it very well just the way you are.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ian," and I are in our 30s. Although we have been together for seven months, his family is not yet over his ex-wife. They invite her for dinner, share weekend visitation with Ian's daughter with her, and remind him constantly that they are disappointed with his decision.

Ian has moved on. He would like to cut all ties with his ex, but his family won't allow it. He's afraid if he puts his foot down it will destroy the already strained relationship he has with them.

My family accepts Ian, but his refuses to admit I exist. How do we deal with this? It's Ian's life, and he has the right to choose who he spends it with. -- INVISIBLE WOMAN IN PHILLY

DEAR INVISIBLE WOMAN: Toughen up, grit your teeth and continue the relationship. Remember, because a child is involved, Ian cannot completely move on. As for his parents, accept that their grandchild's mother will always be a part of their lives so get used to it. If this romance leads to the altar, you will meet Ian's family at some point.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Cailin" is very sensitive and not very accepting. She's also unforgiving and tends to get into stupid arguments about nothing. Since the sixth grade it has gotten even worse.

There is a new girl in school who seems to be a really nice, friendly person. Cailin was the first one to meet her and she wouldn't let anyone else sit with them.

I told my mom about it and she said to just sit down with them both. Today I did what my mom said to do. When Cailin saw us together, she was steaming. She ignored me for the rest of the day.

I don't want to keep the new girl, just share her. Why can't Cailin and I both be friends with her? Is there any way I could talk to her? I'm considering talking to the dean of students. Would this be OK? -- SHARING FRIENDS IN COLORADO

DEAR SHARING FRIENDS: Cailin is immature, insecure and possessive. She's afraid that if the new girl talks to other people, the girl will no longer like and depend on her. That's why she was angry when you sat down with them.

By all means discuss this with the dean of students. The dean may have a solution that will allow the new girl a chance to make friends with more of her classmates -- including you.