DEAR ABBY: After a long battle with cancer, my beloved mother died. After we got over the initial shock of Mom's passing, we were looking through her room. It had always been ingrained in us not to snoop through Mom's things, so there were some feelings of guilt when we did it.

On her dresser was an old jewelry box one of us had given her for Christmas years ago. It was a ratty old thing covered in white vinyl, its embossed gold paint long gone. The latch was rusty, but we finally managed to get it open. There was no jewelry inside. Instead, nestled in the threadbare red velveteen, were the treasures of a lifetime of loving.

There were the hospital bracelets each of us had worn as infants, a lock of my baby hair, the first Mother's Day card ever given to her, an old school photo of me framed in popsicle sticks, a gift card written to her by my father before we were born along with other items that probably wouldn't be worth 50 cents to anyone else. But they were priceless to our mother.

My sister and I were amazed. Our mom knew that love isn't something you wait for or something that comes to you from elsewhere, but rather that it's a behavior, a way of being in the world. Her personal treasures were evidence not of the love she'd received, but tokens of the love she had given.

We decided to assemble a scrapbook of these treasures, to be kept for a year by each of us then passed along to the others as a Christmas gift each holiday.

Please tell your readers that in the end, all that matters is the love you give. That is our mother's legacy to us, and it will ultimately be her legacy to her great-grandchildren.

This Christmas, while missing our mother, we will smile through our tears, remembering how her face would be alight with love on Christmas morning at the sight of us opening the gifts she'd left under the tree. And isn't that the greatest gift we could ask for? -- GRATEFUL SON IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS

DEAR GRATEFUL SON: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. She must have been a wonderful woman to have raised such a sensitive son. It's obvious that she knew -- and taught each of you -- that the most important gift we can give each other isn't one that's tangible. The most important gift is love.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a l3-year-old girl and my mom's having a baby. No, I'm not an only child -- I have two half-brothers and one soon-to-be stepbrother. My mom has been let down so many times in her life by so many men. She has told me to wait to have sex until I'm married, and now this happens -- and before they get married.

Abby, I feel so disappointed in her. I don't think my mom "gets" how let down by her I feel. How do I tell her? -- CONFUSED IN CHICAGO

DEAR CONFUSED: I suspect your mother already knows on some level what you're thinking and that she didn't set a good example. If you feel it's necessary to vent, then tell her just the way you told me.

You appear to be an intelligent young woman. So take this as an opportunity to learn from the pain you have seen her suffer from her poor choices. It will keep you from making the same mistakes you have seen her make, and it will serve you well -- now and in the future.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: I wish each and every one of you a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for more than 20 years. I joined an online social network to keep in touch with family, friends and my kids who are in college. I love the convenience, but I'm in a quandary.

A number of men from my past (some I dated and some not) have contacted me online with their phone numbers and asked me to call them. I was flattered at first, but now I think phone communication would be inviting trouble.

I politely inform friends who push the issue that I'm happy to catch up online, but out of respect for my husband and my marriage I don't call men who send me their numbers. Most of them then drop further attempts at communication; others do not.

My problem is it continues to happen. I don't remember being that popular when I was young, so it has caught me off guard. I suspended my account several times, but reactivated it because I miss the connection with extended family and friends.

I'm getting turned off to responding to any "friend" requests anymore because it seems that most men just want to recapture some youthful fantasy. How do I handle this? -- BLAST FROM THE PAST

DEAR BLAST: You are handling it very well just the way you are.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ian," and I are in our 30s. Although we have been together for seven months, his family is not yet over his ex-wife. They invite her for dinner, share weekend visitation with Ian's daughter with her, and remind him constantly that they are disappointed with his decision.

Ian has moved on. He would like to cut all ties with his ex, but his family won't allow it. He's afraid if he puts his foot down it will destroy the already strained relationship he has with them.

My family accepts Ian, but his refuses to admit I exist. How do we deal with this? It's Ian's life, and he has the right to choose who he spends it with. -- INVISIBLE WOMAN IN PHILLY

DEAR INVISIBLE WOMAN: Toughen up, grit your teeth and continue the relationship. Remember, because a child is involved, Ian cannot completely move on. As for his parents, accept that their grandchild's mother will always be a part of their lives so get used to it. If this romance leads to the altar, you will meet Ian's family at some point.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Cailin" is very sensitive and not very accepting. She's also unforgiving and tends to get into stupid arguments about nothing. Since the sixth grade it has gotten even worse.

There is a new girl in school who seems to be a really nice, friendly person. Cailin was the first one to meet her and she wouldn't let anyone else sit with them.

I told my mom about it and she said to just sit down with them both. Today I did what my mom said to do. When Cailin saw us together, she was steaming. She ignored me for the rest of the day.

I don't want to keep the new girl, just share her. Why can't Cailin and I both be friends with her? Is there any way I could talk to her? I'm considering talking to the dean of students. Would this be OK? -- SHARING FRIENDS IN COLORADO

DEAR SHARING FRIENDS: Cailin is immature, insecure and possessive. She's afraid that if the new girl talks to other people, the girl will no longer like and depend on her. That's why she was angry when you sat down with them.

By all means discuss this with the dean of students. The dean may have a solution that will allow the new girl a chance to make friends with more of her classmates -- including you.

DEAR ABBY: After 19 years of marriage, my husband left me for a younger woman. I found out later that they had been dating for several years. They moved in together immediately after our separation, and she was pregnant at the divorce hearing. They had a baby boy eight months later.

At every event with my kids, they come together with their son and she steers the conversation to her life, what's going on, etc. I have tried to be silent and civil, but she ruined my daughter's high school graduation by gossiping and giggling behind me and the kids the entire event.

I am trying not to be a bitter ex, but I have had to bite back some nasty words to both of them. Any suggestions on how to deal with a miserably blended family? -- BLENDED FAMILY IN BATON ROUGE, LA.

DEAR "BLENDED" FAMILY: Yes, and please don't think I am without sympathy. The surest way to deal with your miserably blended family is to make a conscious decision to get on with your life. If you're not interested in what the woman has to say, get up and move away. No one says you must listen to her prattle. Develop your own interests and activities, and meet some new friends. The stronger and more independent you become, the better off you'll be. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Anita" for four years. She moved in with me two years ago and our home life has been wonderful. We are a unique couple. We have discussed marriage, but neither of us believes in the tradition.

I'd like to show Anita how much I love her, as well as show others we're in a serious relationship. An engagement ring would be a way to show it. However, the term "engagement" would not be accurate because we do not plan to marry.

Can you suggest another symbol or even another term for a ring to show unity without indicating the eventuality of marriage? -- ROMANTIC IN OHIO

DEAR ROMANTIC: How about calling Anita's ring a commitment ring? Or give her a pendant with a sweet message engraved on the back? Or a wristwatch engraved with, "Love ya 'til the end of time," or "... 'til time runs out." Another way to indicate to others that you're together but don't believe in "tradition" would be to hold a commitment ceremony and invite friends.

DEAR ABBY: There is an issue driving a wedge between my wife and me. I have always believed that my casual shirts (in fact, all my shirts) should be worn tucked into my slacks. My wife feels they should be left out. I think I look better with them tucked in. She feels differently.

Abby, you can save our marriage if you'll let us know who is right. To tuck, or not to tuck -- that is the question. And, by the way, she says I should mention that I have a bodacious waistline, which means I could lose 40 pounds. -- FRIAR "TUCKED" IN LONGMONT, COLO.

DEAR "TUCKED": Your wife is your best friend and she is right. (If you doubt it, consult a men's haberdasher.) By leaving your shirt out, you would appear to be a few pounds thinner. When you tuck it in, your "bodacious" waistline is accentuated by a horizontal line, which makes you appear to be heavier.