DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old guy with a unique problem. My father has been dating a woman since I was 16 who has a daughter my age named "Emma." Over the years Emma and I became good friends -- then more than that. We hooked up a few times. About a year ago, I told her I had developed feelings for her, which drove her off pretty fast. We haven't talked since. She now lives in another state with her boyfriend, and I'm happy for her.

With the holidays here, Dad expects me to go to all of the events and get-togethers. I made up excuses last year to avoid them, but don't think I can do that again. I want to escape the awkward interaction with Emma and her boyfriend because I still have feelings for her. I don't want to disappoint Dad, but I don't know how to handle this. Help, please. -- RUNNING FROM THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR RUNNING: You don't have to attend "all" the events and get-togethers, but you should attend a few. When you do, consider bringing a friend with you and minimizing the contact you have with Emma and her boyfriend. Observe the social amenities, keep the conversation brief and casual, and concentrate on the rest of the family.

While the initial contact may be painful, this is no different than any other romance that didn't work out. The awkwardness will pass if you concentrate on something else.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my daughter and her family for two years because I lost my job. I don't pay rent, but help out with the utilities and buy my own groceries. I also baby-sit for them several days a week. The only money I have is an inheritance my father left me to live on, and it is dissipating quickly.

I have met a man and have fallen in love with him. I plan to move in with him soon. The problem is my daughter and son-in-law owe me money. They promised it would be repaid, but when I ask when, they give me the run-around. (They always have money for tattoos, movies and concerts, though.) They also expect me to baby-sit for them on weekends, but that's the only time I can see my boyfriend.

How do I tell them I want to live my own life? I want to be free and not have to worry about them needing me to baby-sit and making me feel guilty about it. I'm afraid they'll say that because I lived with them, they no longer owe me the money. I don't know how to tell them without it turning ugly. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- FRUSTRATED IN K.C., MO.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I presume your daughter and son-in-law have met your boyfriend? Announce the good news that you will be living with him; it shouldn't be shocking. Ask again for the money that they owe you. Be pleasant, but firm, and don't let it escalate into an argument. If they say they don't have it, ask them to sign (and date) a note promising to repay it at a later date. That will be your proof that a loan was extended. If they refuse, with no proof that you loaned them money, you won't have leverage to force them to pay up.

As for the baby-sitting, do it when it's convenient for you. If they want their "freedom" on some weekends, let them pay you instead of a sitter and work off part of their obligation that way. But insist on cash.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 13 years to a good guy who is a great dad. We have two boys, ages 9 and 11. The problem is, we don't communicate. We hardly have sex and we don't get along at all.

I feel like I have sacrificed physical and emotional intimacy so my kids can have both parents in their lives full-time. When I think of writing down my husband's attributes, all I can think of is that he's a good dad, good worker and helps out around the house. But I have no problem coming up with a list of bad things.

Am I selfish? Should I just smother my emotions and go on like I have been all these years? -- UNFULFILLED IN GEORGIA

DEAR UNFULFILLED: It's not selfish to want emotional and physical intimacy with another person. It's normal, and your husband may miss it, too.

There's an alternative to ending your marriage, and that is fighting to save it. It would require effort from both of you and the services of a licensed marriage counselor. However, if it works, I know you'll thank me. And if it doesn't, at least you will know you tried. Why not suggest to your husband that you make it your first New Year's resolution?

DEAR ABBY: Right now I'm so tired I can hardly write this letter asking for the advice I need. I work the 11 p.m.-7 a.m. shift at a prison. Because I'm home during the day, everyone assumes I am available to socialize. How do I get through to them that I sleep during the day and work at night? A lot of people -- including my husband -- will say to me, "What? You're not up yet?" when I have been asleep for only three hours.

I have thought about calling these people from work at 2 a.m. asking, "Aren't you up yet?" Then they might get the picture. What do you think? -- WORKING A 40-HOUR WEEK AT AGE 73

DEAR WORKING: The insensitivity of the folks in your circle is surprising. And as for your husband, did you marry someone who is sadistic or selfish? Tell him that if he wants to enjoy the benefits of your paycheck, he will have to make sure you get enough sleep to earn one.

When people call or come by and disturb your rest, tell them plainly you do not want to be disturbed before a certain time. Then turn off your phone, let callers leave messages on your voicemail and return them when you're fully awake. As to those who still drop by -- by all means call them at 2 a.m.

DEAR ABBY: Christmas is fast approaching. Our family get-together consists of a crazy celebration where we draw numbers and choose a gift in numerical order. If we want, we can choose a gift that someone already has.

I'd like your opinion on re-gifting. Each year some family members just bring the gift they received last year, rewrapped. I think if someone doesn't care enough to shop for a $20 gift for a family exchange, it takes away from the idea of gift-giving. What do you think? -- JIM IN AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR JIM: I think you should find your sense of humor where you misplaced it, and stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. The kind of party you describe is done for laughs, and none of the gifts is selected with one specific person in mind if it can be claimed by another.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Tonight at sundown the eight days of Hanukkah begin. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! May all of you enjoy a joyous festival of lights.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been living together for nine months. We have decided to host Christmas dinner at our house and invited 20 people -- 10 from each of our families. His mother, unfortunately, is having a hard time accepting that her 27-year-old son is growing up.

She says she feels "awkward" and that their family has had its traditions for many years. (My boyfriend has spent every Christmas Eve and Christmas night at his parents' house since birth.)

I come from a family that is adaptable to change. Any suggestions for dealing with this potential future mother-in-law? -- FREE SPIRIT IN PHOENIX

DEAR FREE SPIRIT: First of all, don't plan on your boyfriend's parents attending your Christmas dinner, and don't take it personally if they don't. She may be unwilling to change their Christmas tradition.

If and when a wedding date is set, or your boyfriend makes clear to her that your arrangement will be permanent, the three of you can then come to an agreement to alternate these holidays so you and your parents are able to also host these gatherings. This is how new families establish their own traditions and in-laws aren't made to feel that one side is favored.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance for two years. Lately he's been having trouble controlling his anger. His outbursts are becoming more frequent, and he feels like they're justified. He says if I didn't "nag" him so much there wouldn't be any arguments.

I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm becoming frightened by the level he allows his anger to reach. Can you help a man like this deal with his anger? -- NEEDS HELP IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: No, and neither can you, as much as you might wish to. Only he can do that, and it would take willingness on his part and counseling. Blaming you for his outbursts indicates he's not ready to do that. The smartest thing you can do is leave before he escalates to hurting you physically. Without professional help, the behavior you have described will only get worse.

DEAR ABBY: I have an elderly neighbor I have been friends with for many years. Over the past several years she has had numerous medical problems. I have done everything I can to be her friend. I do things around the house, bring her meals, whatever I can. She has no family and only one other friend besides me.

She is depressed and stays in bed most of the day, which contributes to her aches and pains. I keep telling her she needs to get up and walk or her pain will get worse. It has reached the point where she's so nasty about everything that I don't even want to talk to her.

I understand that she's scared and feels beaten up. I try to talk about things that are noncontroversial -- happy things. It doesn't work. She turns everything into an argument. I don't know what to do. I hate to ignore her, but it's really taking a toll on me. Am I a fair-weather friend? -- TRYING TO BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR GOOD NEIGHBOR: No, you are a caring friend. Your elderly neighbor is ill, and she may be becoming demented. Because she is no longer able to care for herself or her home, contact the nearest hospital or senior center and ask to speak with a social worker on staff. The woman you describe may need more help than you can give her, from people with the training to do it.