DEAR ABBY: I want you to know how much I agree with your answer to "Paying for My Popcorn in Oregon" (Sept. 15), who complained about her niece sneaking food into the theater.

I used to teach a parenting class to parents who had kids in trouble with the law. I started out by asking, "How many of you teach your children to lie, cheat or steal?" Of course nobody admitted they did. I then had about 20 items I'd list, the movie food issue being one, driving over the speed limit, and so on. At least one of the 20 applied to everybody.

Then I'd say: "You taught your kids that it was OK to lie, cheat and steal -- it's only getting caught that's bad. That's why you are in my class today." This is what that niece is teaching her children. -- PAUL IN DENVER

DEAR PAUL: Thank you for agreeing. However, I'm sorry to say that many readers thought the issue was more about the cost and selection of snacks than that of cheating the theater owners. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: For a family of four to see a movie and get a drink and popcorn or candy costs about $80. This is highway robbery. The cost of a drink is about 5 or 10 cents to the theater, and they charge a whopping $5. The same goes for popcorn. Let's be serious. How much does popcorn cost? A tub of popcorn at a theater is $7.50.

My children want the whole theater experience, which includes a snack. How can a family afford to go to the movies at these prices? Theater owners should be able to make a reasonable profit on the snacks, but this is ridiculous. Sorry, I will continue to bring my snacks in. -- KIM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: While I agree that it is the theater operators' prerogative to set policy and make money, I have done what the niece is doing, but for different reasons. My children and I are allergic to corn products as well as artificial colors and flavorings -- ingredients in every product commonly sold at movie concession stands.

Recently my family has made a different choice. We either eat before we go, or we wait for the DVD and stay home. I would like companies to know that when they exclude outside food, they also exclude my family. -- ALLERGIC IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: By teaching children that it's OK to cheat on this particular issue, they will generalize that it's OK to cheat anytime, if they don't agree with whoever sets the rules. Thus it may become OK to cheat in school because "he makes the tests too hard," or to engage in underage drinking because "the law is stupid, and besides, everyone does it."

Just wait until they decide it's OK to sneak out of the house when Mom says "no" because "her reasons are lame!" That mother had better be careful when she justifies, because what parents teach their kids will affect them sooner or later. -- SUSIE IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: "Paying" could search for activities to help them see another way of looking at the world.

Instead of going to a movie, I suggest that the aunt arrange to take the children (with or without her niece) to an outing such as craft time at a library, a visit to a museum, or gather in the kitchen to share a family recipe and donate the food to a local shelter. They could spend an afternoon helping at the local food pantry, which would provide an opportunity for her to discuss values and priorities.

In this way she could interact with her niece and the children and build lasting memories. They could even go to the grocery store and make a game out of seeing how much food they could buy for the amount they would have spent at the movie. -- AN AWESOME AUNT IN HEBRON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I married "Raymond" in 2004. I met his son, "Bill," a year before the wedding and have been in a relationship with him ever since. (He's married to one of my friends and has a child with her.)

Raymond supports me financially and provides all the necessities -- house, car, food, clothes, etc. -- without my having to work. But Bill supports me emotionally, and there's more of a "connection."

I have learned that marriages dissolve for one of two reasons: money or sex. The money is there, but Raymond and I haven't been romantic in more than a year.

Am I walking into a ring of fire by keeping the relationship with Bill? Ray says he loves me and cares about me, but only when I ask how he feels about me. With Bill, I don't have to ask -- he says it. -- IN A QUANDARY

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: May I mention a third reason that marriages break up? It's when one spouse discovers that the other has been cheating. If your marriage to Raymond, who has endowed you with all the worldly goods he can, is of any importance to you, tell him that although you're living in style, all of your needs are not being met. Give him a chance to fulfill the rest of them. It doesn't take a clairvoyant to predict that if you don't value what you've got, you will lose it.

DEAR ABBY: It has been a difficult year. The brother of one of my dear friends had a massive stroke and she is now his caretaker. Another friend's 15-year-old son recently committed suicide, and a third friend's 23-year-old daughter is in the late stages of MS. I also have several friends who are dealing with cancer.

I always feel lost about what to say or how to reach out and help. How do I respond in these situations? -- HURTING FOR MY FRIENDS

DEAR HURTING: You don't have to say anything profound in order to be supportive. The way to respond is to do for them what you would hope someone would do for you in similar circumstances. Call your friends regularly and keep them informed about what's going on. Ask how they are doing. If they need to vent, listen. If you have spare time, offer to cook them a meal, do some laundry, or give them a few hours to run errands by keeping their sick relative company. I'm sure it will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old mother of a 1-year-old boy who means the world to me. I was raped two months ago and recently learned that I am pregnant. I am scared to death of telling my mother.

When my son was born, his father left for his tour of duty in Iraq and I moved in with her. She is 57 and has helped me out in every way she can since he was killed on his mission. I love my mother dearly and don't know what I would do without her, but I am at a loss about how to tell her about this pregnancy. Your advice would be appreciated. -- SCARED TO DEATH

DEAR SCARED TO DEATH: Your mother should have been told about the rape when it happened. You should have also informed the police, and received counseling and emergency contraception and medication to prevent an STD. If you haven't seen an OB/GYN, schedule an appointment immediately to ensure that the baby you're carrying will be born healthy.

You also need to tell your mother before your pregnancy becomes obvious, so the two of you can decide whether you can afford to raise another child or if you should place the child for adoption. Please don't wait. The longer you do, the harder the discussion will be.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 25 years has an annoying habit that drives me crazy. When she starts a conversation with me, she'll speak in a very low voice and mumble without looking at me. I truly cannot hear or understand what she's saying and have to respond with, "Excuse me?" "Pardon me?" or "What?"

When I speak to her, I make sure I talk clearly and in a loud enough voice, but she always throws the same remarks back at me -- "Excuse me?" etc. She doesn't do this with anyone else. I have pointed out to her that what she is doing is annoying, disrespectful and rude, and asked her to please not do it, but she continues.

Why does she do this to me, and what can we do to change it? There's nothing wrong with her hearing. She's always telling me to turn down the TV. -- MARRIED TO A MUMBLER IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR MARRIED TO A MUMBLER: Allow me to offer a suggestion that may improve the situation: Have your hearing checked. If you can't hear your wife when she speaks softly and isn't looking directly at you, and she "always" tells you to turn down the TV, it could indicate that you are suffering from a hearing loss.

DEAR ABBY: My mother, whom I love very much, is a terrible gift-giver. At Christmas and on birthdays she gives me ridiculous gifts -- clothing that doesn't fit, jewelry I would never wear, electronics I haven't asked for and don't need. Last year, she removed the tags from everything and didn't include receipts so the items could be returned. (Some were very costly.)

I have created online wish lists, offered Mom "suggestions" and even told her not to worry about gifts. She'll take none of my suggestions. I try to be polite. But Mom's feelings are always hurt when I'm not "thrilled" with the unwanted gifts, and it puts a damper on events that should be happy ones. I hate her wasting money on things that will not be appreciated or used. How do I handle this? -- UNFORTUNATELY UNGRATEFUL

DEAR UNGRATEFUL: Because you have tried being logical, helpful and frank, and nothing has worked, thank your mother for her gifts and then put them on eBay or donate them. That way someone can appreciate them, or you may get enough money back to buy yourself something you will enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: We have close friends and alternate having dinner at each other's homes. The wife has a couple of habits I find annoying.

She'll run her fingers around the outside of a serving dish and then lick her finger. After dinner, I always have a dish of candy on the table for everyone's enjoyment. But before this woman leaves, she'll say she's taking some of it home to eat later.

Am I being petty to be annoyed by her behavior? -- WILLING TO SHARE, BUT ...

DEAR WILLING: I can see how a dinner guest running her finger around a serving dish, then licking her finger could gross you out, and we both know that rather than telling you she's taking some of your candy home with her, she should wait until you offer it.

However, you say you are close friends. Therefore I assume that on some level her positives outweigh her negatives, or you would have expressed how her behavior makes you feel -- which would have solved your problem because you'd be seeing a lot less of her.