DEAR ABBY: I married "Raymond" in 2004. I met his son, "Bill," a year before the wedding and have been in a relationship with him ever since. (He's married to one of my friends and has a child with her.)

Raymond supports me financially and provides all the necessities -- house, car, food, clothes, etc. -- without my having to work. But Bill supports me emotionally, and there's more of a "connection."

I have learned that marriages dissolve for one of two reasons: money or sex. The money is there, but Raymond and I haven't been romantic in more than a year.

Am I walking into a ring of fire by keeping the relationship with Bill? Ray says he loves me and cares about me, but only when I ask how he feels about me. With Bill, I don't have to ask -- he says it. -- IN A QUANDARY

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: May I mention a third reason that marriages break up? It's when one spouse discovers that the other has been cheating. If your marriage to Raymond, who has endowed you with all the worldly goods he can, is of any importance to you, tell him that although you're living in style, all of your needs are not being met. Give him a chance to fulfill the rest of them. It doesn't take a clairvoyant to predict that if you don't value what you've got, you will lose it.

DEAR ABBY: It has been a difficult year. The brother of one of my dear friends had a massive stroke and she is now his caretaker. Another friend's 15-year-old son recently committed suicide, and a third friend's 23-year-old daughter is in the late stages of MS. I also have several friends who are dealing with cancer.

I always feel lost about what to say or how to reach out and help. How do I respond in these situations? -- HURTING FOR MY FRIENDS

DEAR HURTING: You don't have to say anything profound in order to be supportive. The way to respond is to do for them what you would hope someone would do for you in similar circumstances. Call your friends regularly and keep them informed about what's going on. Ask how they are doing. If they need to vent, listen. If you have spare time, offer to cook them a meal, do some laundry, or give them a few hours to run errands by keeping their sick relative company. I'm sure it will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old mother of a 1-year-old boy who means the world to me. I was raped two months ago and recently learned that I am pregnant. I am scared to death of telling my mother.

When my son was born, his father left for his tour of duty in Iraq and I moved in with her. She is 57 and has helped me out in every way she can since he was killed on his mission. I love my mother dearly and don't know what I would do without her, but I am at a loss about how to tell her about this pregnancy. Your advice would be appreciated. -- SCARED TO DEATH

DEAR SCARED TO DEATH: Your mother should have been told about the rape when it happened. You should have also informed the police, and received counseling and emergency contraception and medication to prevent an STD. If you haven't seen an OB/GYN, schedule an appointment immediately to ensure that the baby you're carrying will be born healthy.

You also need to tell your mother before your pregnancy becomes obvious, so the two of you can decide whether you can afford to raise another child or if you should place the child for adoption. Please don't wait. The longer you do, the harder the discussion will be.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 25 years has an annoying habit that drives me crazy. When she starts a conversation with me, she'll speak in a very low voice and mumble without looking at me. I truly cannot hear or understand what she's saying and have to respond with, "Excuse me?" "Pardon me?" or "What?"

When I speak to her, I make sure I talk clearly and in a loud enough voice, but she always throws the same remarks back at me -- "Excuse me?" etc. She doesn't do this with anyone else. I have pointed out to her that what she is doing is annoying, disrespectful and rude, and asked her to please not do it, but she continues.

Why does she do this to me, and what can we do to change it? There's nothing wrong with her hearing. She's always telling me to turn down the TV. -- MARRIED TO A MUMBLER IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR MARRIED TO A MUMBLER: Allow me to offer a suggestion that may improve the situation: Have your hearing checked. If you can't hear your wife when she speaks softly and isn't looking directly at you, and she "always" tells you to turn down the TV, it could indicate that you are suffering from a hearing loss.

DEAR ABBY: My mother, whom I love very much, is a terrible gift-giver. At Christmas and on birthdays she gives me ridiculous gifts -- clothing that doesn't fit, jewelry I would never wear, electronics I haven't asked for and don't need. Last year, she removed the tags from everything and didn't include receipts so the items could be returned. (Some were very costly.)

I have created online wish lists, offered Mom "suggestions" and even told her not to worry about gifts. She'll take none of my suggestions. I try to be polite. But Mom's feelings are always hurt when I'm not "thrilled" with the unwanted gifts, and it puts a damper on events that should be happy ones. I hate her wasting money on things that will not be appreciated or used. How do I handle this? -- UNFORTUNATELY UNGRATEFUL

DEAR UNGRATEFUL: Because you have tried being logical, helpful and frank, and nothing has worked, thank your mother for her gifts and then put them on eBay or donate them. That way someone can appreciate them, or you may get enough money back to buy yourself something you will enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: We have close friends and alternate having dinner at each other's homes. The wife has a couple of habits I find annoying.

She'll run her fingers around the outside of a serving dish and then lick her finger. After dinner, I always have a dish of candy on the table for everyone's enjoyment. But before this woman leaves, she'll say she's taking some of it home to eat later.

Am I being petty to be annoyed by her behavior? -- WILLING TO SHARE, BUT ...

DEAR WILLING: I can see how a dinner guest running her finger around a serving dish, then licking her finger could gross you out, and we both know that rather than telling you she's taking some of your candy home with her, she should wait until you offer it.

However, you say you are close friends. Therefore I assume that on some level her positives outweigh her negatives, or you would have expressed how her behavior makes you feel -- which would have solved your problem because you'd be seeing a lot less of her.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I plan to be married in the coming year. It will be the second marriage for both of us. My intended has an "adult" son I'll call "Jeff," who graduated from college last year and makes good money. His father has helped him out by paying his tuition, car loan, rent, a generous allowance and various other loans that have never been repaid.

Jeff comes up short almost every month because he blows his money on vacations, clothing, electronic gadgets, etc., so he needs $500 to $1,000 to "get on his feet." If his father refuses, Jeff resorts to name-calling and emotional blackmail.

I earn a good living and have a tidy nest egg, and I'm concerned that Jeff's irresponsibility and his father's enabling will put a comfortable retirement for us in jeopardy. I feel like this is my business, too -- but I don't want to come between father and son. What's your advice? -- THRIFTY IN WYOMING

DEAR THRIFTY: Your concerns are legitimate. Your fiance is doing his son no favors by footing the bills for his irresponsible behavior. But on some level he already knows that and may be doing it because he feels guilty about the divorce from Jeff's mother.

Before marrying your fiance, discuss this with an attorney to be sure your interests will be protected. The assets you accumulated before the marriage should be kept separate, and there should be a clear understanding that any monies you earn will not benefit his son, who appears to be a bottomless pit.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I divorced several years ago because of his cocaine habit. He had been taking money from our accounts, etc.

After our divorce I met someone. It was several months before I agreed to a date. He's honest, fun, good-looking, hardworking and helps my family when he can. My problem is on our first date he told me he'd been a drug user and had spent time in prison. He said that was in the past. He got counseling, loves his new life and would not break the law again.

My children know about his past and say, "It's no big deal; it's the 21st century." We date, nothing more, but he alludes to wanting to propose. I'm afraid that when my parents and people in my small town find out about his past, they'll be shocked and I'll be shunned. I can't believe this is an issue in my life again.

Is it OK to date an ex-drug addict? Do some people beat the odds and stay clean? I'm scared that maybe I should have run away after that first date. Please advise. -- WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP

DEAR WAITING: What did this man go to prison for? Was he selling drugs to support his habit? Stealing? Did he commit a violent crime?

While your children may think his past is "no big deal," it is a big deal. However, whether it's a deal-breaker is up to you. If you had thought so, it would have been over after he mentioned he'd had the same problem as your ex-husband.

Some former addicts stay clean. Others have been known to backslide. If you love this man and he maintains his sobriety, consider his proposal sometime in the future. But I see no reason for you to rush into anything -- do you?