DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and I'm terrified that I won't know what to do once I'm in college and have to decide on a long-term job. I have a lot of interests, but none that would lead me toward a career. My teachers and the books I read say I should find my passion and follow it for the rest of my life. My problem is, I don't have a stand-out passion I love intensely.

I have an amazing family who would support me in any direction I choose, but I don't know what that would be. I get good grades and work hard, and I believe I could achieve anything I choose. The problem is, I don't know what I want to do.

I know I'm young, but I worry all the time about my future and being stuck in a job I hate. I'm involved in lots of activities -- student government, piano lessons, sports, service clubs and more -- and I enjoy all of them. But none of them inspire a burning passion. Do you have any suggestions on how to find my passion? -- NEEDS A DIRECTION, ATLANTA

DEAR NEEDS A DIRECTION: Yes. And the first one is to relax and quit worrying about not having found your "passion" at 14. This isn't the Middle Ages, when young people would apprentice themselves to a guild in which they would spend the rest of their lives. You are intelligent and only beginning to explore your various talents.

You may excel in several different areas, which is good, because workers no longer necessarily stay in one kind of job for a lifetime. People are usually good at the things they enjoy, so slow down. Give yourself time to see where you excel. I am positive that if you do, you'll find your passion(s) in a field you enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for more than 10 years. It has been rocky over the past few years, and I recently had an affair with a married man. I have fallen madly in love with him, and every night I dream about being with him instead of with my husband. We're both in unhappy marriages and both have children.

He's worried that if he gets divorced he won't be able to see his kids as often as he wants. Should I forget him and try to fall back in love with my husband?

Everyone I talk to about this says my lover has been what I needed to recognize that I wasn't happy in my marriage and that I deserve better. I know I deserve better because I worshipped the ground my husband walked on for many years and got treated like crud. What do I do? -- DOWNTRODDEN WIFE IN OKLAHOMA.

DEAR DOWNTRODDEN: Since you're collecting advice, I don't mind throwing in my two-cents' worth.

Your lover doesn't appear eager to leave his family, so do the best thing for both of you and end the affair. As to whether you should try to fall back in love with a man who "treated you like crud," sometimes divorce can be therapeutic. And from the description you gave me of your marriage, you could benefit from seeking one and swearing off men for a while.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago my best friend's mother lost her husband after a battle with cancer. She joined a grief support group and met a man who had lost his wife to cancer, too. Love blossomed and they will be married soon. Everyone is thrilled they have found each other.

Along with a wedding gift, would it be appropriate to make a donation to a cancer charity in memory of their deceased spouses? I would like to honor the struggle that led the couple to each other, but don't want to offend. What do you think? -- DEVOTED FRIEND IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DEVOTED FRIEND: I think you have come up with a beautiful idea that will be deeply appreciated, and you should do it.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently found out that I'm pregnant. My problem is my husband doesn't believe the baby is his. He says he and his ex tried for 13 years to have a baby and couldn't.

I don't know what to say to him. I can't explain his past with that other woman. My doctor has ordered rest and no stress, but this is taking a toll on me. When the subject comes up, I just walk away and my husband explodes. What do I do? -- EXPECTING IN GUAM

DEAR EXPECTING: Your husband is "exploding" because you are walking away and won't discuss this with him. Tell him that you are scheduling an appointment for both of you with your OB/GYN. Let the doctor offer to refer him to a urologist who can test his sperm count, which may be low. It would explain why he and his ex were unable to conceive. The problem could also have been hers.

DEAR ABBY: My 78-year-old mother opens her mouth for only three reasons -- to tell me what to do, complain about other people and to remind me that when my older sister died, it left a void in her life no one can fill, including me and my other sister.

Several months ago, I visited Mom and she wasn't feeling well. She has a heart condition and osteoporosis, which makes her unsteady on her feet. A few weeks later, I called to check on her but couldn't reach her by phone. Because I live 150 miles away, I asked my uncle to check on her. He went to her house several times and rang her bell, but got no answer at the door. I called other family members and friends, fearful that she had fallen -- or worse.

Finally, that night at 10 p.m. I called the local police department. When the officers knocked on the door, Mom finally answered and told them that where she was or what she was doing was no one else's business! She later told my uncle the same thing.

This is a cautionary tale to the elderly or infirm who tell us to leave them alone. We will do so. But do not complain when you don't hear from us, because you can't have it both ways. -- FED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: OK, you have now vented. Your mother is a difficult woman and you have my sympathy. And now that the dear lady has made clear how she feels, follow your mother's wishes with a clear conscience.

P.S. If you know any of her neighbors, consider asking them to let you know if her newspapers start piling up.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Katie" doesn't share the same religious or political beliefs I do. She enjoys discussing these topics and assumes that everyone agrees with her. If someone tries to disagree, she becomes highly offended and angry.

Whenever she brings these issues up, I just stop talking. I have found that no matter how much one argues with someone over controversial issues, no one changes their opinions and only hurt feelings remain. How would you go about tactfully changing the subject? -- DIFFERING FRIEND IN LARAMIE, WYO.

DEAR DIFFERING FRIEND: I wouldn't do it once someone has started proselytizing. I'd do it before. At a time when you and your friend are involved in some mutually enjoyable activity, mention that certain topics, such as politics and religion, make you uncomfortable and that you'd appreciate it if they weren't brought up with you. And if she "forgets," smile sweetly and say, "Who do you think will be playing in the Super Bowl?"

DEAR ABBY: A while back you asked your readers to name their heroes. May I contribute?

My heroes are nameless, often faceless and in most cases unsung. They will never have 15 minutes of fame. Their deeds won't be recorded in history books, but their kindness inspires and their good deeds will forever affect the lives of others -- though some may not realize it.

My heroes are parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, foster parents, teachers, playground monitors and crossing guards who teach others to have values and common sense, and to be ethical in their treatment of others.

My heroes are young girls who spend a year grooming and conditioning their hair, then cut it off so it may be given to a child who has none; those who pick up trash along the highways and byways to keep America clean; police officers who stop you because you've done something stupid, then let you go because they know you made an honest mistake and you'll be sure not to do it again.

My heroes are the guys on the garbage truck who take a few extra seconds to pick up the items that didn't make it into the truck and make sure your receptacle is upright and undamaged before moving on to the next house; grownups who hold children's hands in parking lots to keep them safe; teachers who stay after school to help a student struggling with homework, a troubled home life or homelessness.

My heroes are strangers on streets and in buildings who take a moment to ask if they can help you because of the uncertain expression on your face; every shelter worker who has ever cried when a homeless or abused creature was euthanized; my dear father, whose strong hands, often bruised and bloodied, made a living for his family, who gently held his frightened little girl and who often shared more than he could afford with others less fortunate than he. These are my heroes. -- JULIE IN SCOTT CITY, MO.

DEAR JULIE: Thank you for taking the time to describe your many heroes. On this day of all days, let us all give thanks for those individuals who have made -- and continue to make -- a positive difference in our lives.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Louis," is retired. I'm in school studying law, which means heavy reading assignments, tons of projects and a tremendous amount of homework. It's like a full-time job.

At night when I should be studying, Louis gets upset if I don't knock off by 9 or 9:30. He also gets upset if I start before 9 in the morning. He has never asked me what I need from him to help me accomplish what I have to do. He also never asks what I'm doing in my classes without turning around and accusing me of doing the professor's job. This pattern is repeated several times a week, his blowing up because I don't spend more time with him and less on my studies.

Abby, this man insists he has never been so much in love, and that's why he wants to spend so much time with me. I think he should show his love by supporting me in challenging times. Your opinion? -- ROSE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ROSE: Your boyfriend is self-centered. He's clearly less interested in your interests than in his own. Law school is challenging, even when a student doesn't have someone trying to sabotage her efforts -- which Louis appears to be doing morning and night. You have an important decision to make about your future, because your law degree is likely to last longer than your relationship with Louis, and that's what I think you should put first even if it means ending the "romance."