DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in college and have the sweetest boyfriend in the world. We've always been close and trusted each other, never pushing the other too far. I always thought it was innocent and safe.

Last weekend, though, things got a little heavy between us. We stopped before anything happened, but I felt dirty afterward. As I thought about it, I realized that, to me, it had seemed OK that our relationship was starting to take a more intimate turn.

Is it wrong for me to think this way? I don't know how to bring up the "sex talk" with him without seeming desperate or like I'm rushing things. What should I do? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: You and your boyfriend are normal, healthy young adults. If this is the first time you and a young man have gotten "a little heavy," then it's not surprising that you felt conflicted, depending upon how you were raised to think about premarital relations.

However, because you have now progressed to the point of physical intimacy, it is important that you and your boyfriend talk about last weekend and what may happen in the future. Share your feelings and ask how he feels about what happened and what he would like to happen going forward. That's not desperate or rushing things -- that is communication. True intimacy involves the mutual sharing of thoughts and feelings in a relationship.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my wife returned from a business meeting out of town. After unpacking, she took a bath. I happened into the bathroom just as she finished drying off. When she saw me, she grabbed a towel and held it over her shoulder and breast, but not before I spotted a hickey and bruise on her chest.

When I asked her about the hickey, she said she had no idea what had caused it. After that, she refused to discuss the matter. The hickey faded and disappeared after two or three weeks.

Yesterday she agreed to take a polygraph test, but how do we go about arranging one? Your thoughts? -- TROUBLED HUSBAND IN TEXAS

DEAR TROUBLED HUSBAND: If your marriage is on such thin ice that you need a lie detector test to determine if your wife is telling the truth, you may need the services of a family law specialist.

You asked my opinion, and here it is: From my perspective, you and your wife could benefit more from some truth sessions with a marriage counselor than with a polygraph examiner. However, one way to find a polygraph examiner would be to Google "polygraph examiners in Texas." Another would be to consult an attorney about a referral.

And now, Dear Readers, allow me to again share the traditional Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. No Thanksgiving would be complete for me without it:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: A number of things in the letter from "Uneasy in Indiana" (Oct. 21) can be red flags for sex abuse. I have worked in child welfare for 35 years. Abusers often start with "playful touching," comment about "cute" body parts, continue after being asked to stop, and make power statements that they can touch the child if they want.

If the incident was innocent, why didn't he recognize that it made his daughter uneasy and immediately stop when asked? "Uneasy" already fears he may accuse her of being a paranoid former victim. Abusers, when confronted, often accuse the other parent of "misunderstanding" or "being crazy." They may also accuse the child of misunderstanding the touches or being provocative.

That "Uneasy" and her husband don't have sex is also of concern -- it can mean her husband finds children, not adult women, sexually desirable.

Even if "Uneasy" isn't sure, she should stop leaving the child alone with him. Take her with her to class, leave her with a friend's parents or a safe relative. Let the husband know the touching and comments stop now -- no excuses -- and if there's anything else of this nature she will report it to the authorities.

The time to protect a child is before something happens. Afterward is too late. Children often tell only one time. If no action is taken, the child won't tell again! -- SEEN IT ALL IN TEXAS

DEAR SEEN IT ALL: My thanks to you and the others who wrote to support my advice to "Uneasy in Indiana." My readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a clinical social worker who works with sex offenders in a prison. I'm distressed that the husband "truly believed it was OK and didn't mean ..." Yes, he did mean to touch his daughter inappropriately. He has begun to groom her for his own sick pleasure.

The key statement in that letter is the girl asked him to stop and he negated her feelings by telling her she "belonged" to him. Huge red flag! So many offenders I see are infatuated with preteens. "Uneasy" needs to get him to counseling ASAP and never leave her daughter alone with Dad. -- UNEASY THERAPIST IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: That husband is playing with fire. I know. After my wife died I playfully spanked and patted my daughter's cute little butt. Her school counselor found out, called child protective services, who called the police, and I was arrested. I wound up serving 2 1/2 years in prison. I'm now on parole and will be on the federal Sex Offender Registry for the next 20 years. That man needs to rethink his actions and get professional help before it's too late for him or his daughter. -- C.R.H. IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: "Uneasy's" letter made me sick to my stomach, having endured the same treatment from my father. If it's not stopped immediately, it will most likely escalate into incest. The issue is boundaries. Every girl needs them in order to maintain her self-worth, control over her own body and her ability to say "no" without being afraid of offending some guy who wants to treat her like a sex object.

It took years of therapy and work to repair the damage my father caused. This father's problem should be addressed immediately by a professional therapist. "Uneasy" needs to put her foot down and let him know his behavior will not be tolerated. The daughter needs her mother's full support. She has a right to feel safe in her own home. -- DISTURBED IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: What is a wife to do? My husband occasionally pitches in to help me prepare holiday meals. He prides himself on his dishwashing skills, but when he's done I have to rewash most of the pots and pans because he doesn't check his work. If I ask him to redo them, he reacts as though it's a criticism and has an over-the-top fit.

At times like Thanksgiving I'm stressed out cooking for the family and would love his help, but it's more trouble than it's worth. Discussing it with him hasn't been successful, and friends have told me they have the same problem. Can you provide a strategy that can keep us humming along happily with our husbands in the kitchen? -- DREADING THANKSGIVING IN L.A.

DEAR DREADING: Perhaps you should soak the pots and pans immediately after you're done cooking, so when the meal is done your husband will have an easier job of washing them. If any food is still hard to remove, offer to help him by filling the utensils with water and placing them on the stove; let them boil a while, and then wash them again with detergent and a brush. That should solve your problem.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years has been forthcoming about the four serious relationships (two marriages included), she had before we were married. Recently, however, she mentioned she still has a "place in her heart" -- and always will -- for her first boyfriend. They had a three-year high school romance.

I find this really disturbing. It's like I will never get 100 percent of her heart, no matter what. It also bothers me that he was just a boyfriend. I could almost accept feelings for an ex-husband because of the nature of the relationship -- but a boyfriend? Come on! Please advise. -- SHE HAS ALL OF ME

DEAR ALL OF ME: Your wife's first love will always have a place in her heart (and many women would concur) because the relationship has been idealized. They didn't experience the ups and downs of daily living, budget problems, child problems, illnesses and other realities that living with someone on a daily basis can present.

You have all of her, including the fact that she tends to romanticize the past. However, your marriage will be better served if, when the subject of the past is raised, you turn it to the present or the future.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years has been forthcoming about the four serious relationships (two marriages included), she had before we were married. Recently, however, she mentioned she still has a "place in her heart" -- and always will -- for her first boyfriend. They had a three-year high school romance.

I find this really disturbing. It's like I will never get 100 percent of her heart, no matter what. It also bothers me that he was just a boyfriend. I could almost accept feelings for an ex-husband because of the nature of the relationship -- but a boyfriend? Come on! Please advise. -- SHE HAS ALL OF ME

DEAR ALL OF ME: Your wife's first love will always have a place in her heart (and many women would concur) because the relationship has been idealized. They didn't experience the ups and downs of daily living, budget problems, child problems, illnesses and other realities that living with someone on a daily basis can present.

You have all of her, including the fact that she tends to romanticize the past. However, your marriage will be better served if, when the subject of the past is raised, you turn it to the present or the future.