DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 20s. I have an uncle in his late 30s who keeps asking me invasive questions about my relationship status. Every time I see "Uncle Roger" at family gatherings he asks if I have a boyfriend yet, why I'm not seeing anyone or what I'm doing single. He assumes it's because I don't want to put up with the boyfriend drama.

Uncle Roger makes me feel bad about not being interested in a relationship or dating at the moment. I have told him to back off, without success. He just laughs it off and then the questions continue. Yet, this man has never been in any stable relationship himself.

Is there something wrong with me because I haven't met the right person? Am I supposed to force relationships to happen? What can I say to Uncle Roger to make him stop? -- BEYOND ANNOYED IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR BEYOND ANNOYED: Uncle Roger may think he's being funny by relentlessly asking why you're not involved with anyone. Because you have asked him to stop and he presses on, you have two choices: Avoid and ignore him, or turn the tables.

When he asks you about your love life, instead of becoming defensive, answer his question with a question: "Why aren't you involved with anyone, Uncle Roger? Why are you still single at your age? Can't you find anyone who'll say yes?" And be sure to laugh right back at him. As long as you let him know he's getting to you, he will continue. Sometimes the best defense is a strong offense.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died recently. He and Mom were married 60 years. Apparently, Mom hid her anger at him well, because she now says she couldn't stand him.

None of us kids can bring up any stories or memories about Dad because Mom will say things like, "He was a narcissist," or "He was no fun," etc. We remember him as a great provider and a decent, beloved person.

Do you have any suggestions on how we can approach the subject with my mother? It's so hurtful that we can't talk about our father anymore now that she feels "free" and happy. -- MISSING OUR DAD

DEAR MISSING: Yes. Tell your mother that you and your siblings prefer to remember your father as the decent, beloved, great provider he was to all of you. Tell her that you're glad she's "free" and "happy," but the comments she's making are unwelcome. And if she continues to make them, walk away or share your loving memories of your father when she's not present.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old single woman. I have been hanging out with a guy ("Connor") for a few months. I enjoy his company, but I don't have more than platonic feelings for him.

I'm reading a book that says women my age are too picky and need to compromise. My question is, how long should I wait until I feel something more or that compromising just won't work with this one?

Am I too picky or do I need to realize I won't be feeling anything more? -- SINGLE AND CONFUSED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CONFUSED: If you have nothing more than platonic feelings for Connor after seeing him for a few months, those feelings are not likely to change because the chemistry just isn't there. What you need to do is be more selective about the authors whose books you choose, because someone who would advise women sight unseen that they're "too picky" is speaking in dangerous generalities. Caveat emptor.

DEAR ABBY: My preteen daughter, "Avery," has started developing a more mature figure. She recently told me privately that one night while I was in class, her father smacked her on the bottom and started playing with the back pockets on her jeans. It made her very uncomfortable. When Avery asked him to stop, he told her that she's his "baby girl" and he could smack her "cute little butt" if he wants to.

I think my husband truly believed it was OK and didn't mean (at least consciously) to touch her inappropriately. But if it bothered Avery, it can't continue.

I'm afraid I'll overreact if I try to discuss this with him. I was sexually abused by a relative when I was a young teenager. This relative also said that because he was related to me he could touch me in whatever way he wanted. To further complicate matters, my husband refuses me in bed.

If there's trouble brewing, I want to stop it now, but I don't want to come off as a freaked-out, paranoid former victim seeing abuse where it may be total innocence. Any suggestions? -- UNEASY IN INDIANA

DEAR UNEASY: Yes. Listen to your gut. Tell your daughter you're glad she told you what happened, and you want her to come to you anytime anyone makes her feel uncomfortable. No one has the right to touch her if she doesn't want to be. And because what her father did made her uncomfortable, her "cute little butt" is off limits.

If your husband gives you an argument, insist on professional counseling for the two of you. He may be slow to realize that his little girl is growing up and the rules have changed. A licensed counselor will not come off as a "freaked-out, paranoid former victim" and can help him to understand that his behavior should not be repeated. And while you're at it, raise the issue of your sex life so you will have a clearer understanding of why it is the way it is.

DEAR ABBY: Because ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) affects so many people, my letter may interest many of your readers. An estimated 4.4 million children between the ages of 4 and 17 have this diagnosis. Half of them receive some form of medication for it.

This disorder is also present in adults. According to an April 2006 study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, an estimated 4.4 percent of adults 18 to 44 experience some symptoms from it.

Thanks to ongoing research and improved treatment, adults with ADHD can live more successful lives. The largest study on childhood ADHD also shows effective treatments are available.

CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), the largest family-based organization advocating for people with the disorder, provides information, advocacy and support. Our website (CHADD.org) and publications contain science-based information. It includes available parent and teacher training programs as well as support groups in 200 locations.

Thank you for printing this and the advice and wisdom you have shared so consistently over the years. -- MARIE S. PAXSON, PAST PRESIDENT, CHADD ORGANIZATION

DEAR MARIE: I'm pleased to spread the word that effective treatment for ADHD -- which can be inherited -- is becoming more accessible to families affected by it. Treatment for this disorder includes parent training, behavioral intervention, educational adaptations, parent-child education on ADHD and medication. If a child you know has been diagnosed with this disorder, CHADD can be a helpful resource.

DEAR ABBY: "Unsure Out West" (July 26) felt inadequate because she had no upbeat messages to send to her friends on Facebook. Please tell her she's not alone.

I attended a prestigious college, but 35 years later I also find myself with no job, in debt, battling depression and dealing with a host of phobias. I read the school's quarterly magazine and see my peers have great jobs, travel extensively and are happily married. I once sent in "news" that not everyone is so lucky and that I am neither successful nor wealthy. Needless to say, it wasn't published.

When my FB friends ask how I am, I reply that it's a difficult question to answer. I then ask about them and let them know I'm glad they're doing well. And when times get bad, I know I can deactivate my Facebook account until I feel better. -- UNDERSTANDING "FRIEND" IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR "FRIEND": Thank you for writing to support "Unsure." Many people identified with her feelings. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: As a recovering survivor of severe childhood trauma, I can relate to "Unsure's" situation. I have college degrees, am married to a wonderful man and have two grown children. All my energy went into recovering from what happened to me.

For years I felt ashamed that I hadn't lived up to my potential, but it takes courage to recover from abuse or addiction. People who understand this view individuals like "Unsure" and me as successes in the things that really matter.

She should be honest, and as discreet as she wishes. When I have opened up, others have learned the realities of recovery and seen me as proof that it's possible. Too many suffer in silence. They need to know others have sought help and are healing.

I reconnected with a popular, successful high school friend over the Internet and discovered that her adult path was similar to mine. We have been a source of support and encouragement to each other ever since. -- WENDY IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: While everyone brags about their kids, careers and wonderful lives, don't forget that they too have put a "spin" on things. Nobody's life is perfect. We've all had our share of hardships.

I have been in "Unsure's" shoes for several years (minus the great hubby), but Facebook has given me confidence and enabled me to meet people who share my interests. Accept yourself for who you are. You don't have to hide the truth. Problems with alcohol or depression do not define you. -- AMANDA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: "Unsure" should get rid of her Facebook page. If she doesn't, she'll continue reading about the lives of her old acquaintances and feel bad about hers.

I'm 19 -- never had a FB page and never will. Friends have fought over rumors spread there, and I've seen their self-esteem suffer because of the entries and comments of others. Since she has a history of depression, it would be healthier to focus on the positives in her life and eliminate something that makes her feel negatively. -- K.V. IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was well-liked, active and graduated with honors. After college I became sick with a debilitating chronic illness that leaves me mostly homebound. When an old friend reaches out on Facebook, I ask how she's doing, we discuss common interests and I reveal my health struggles. If she wants to know more, she'll ask.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend I hadn't been in touch with for 17 years until Facebook reunited us. She accepted my limitations and showed incredible compassion and empathy. We caught up on mutual friends, hobbies and my health. While not everyone will respond that way, it's worth finding those who will. -- EMILY IN PENNSYLVANIA