DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Carmen" for a few years, but in the last year she has started becoming violent when we are having an argument. I think this is domestic abuse, but she claims it isn't because I'm a man.

I'm not someone who can take abuse without repercussions. I'm like a mirror. If someone brings violence into my life, I reflect it back on them. So far, I have restrained my instincts -- but eventually I know Carmen will cross the line and I'm going to snap. I have the potential to hurt her badly.

I have tried everything to make Carmen understand how I feel, but she continues to insist it doesn't matter because I'm so much bigger and stronger than she is. When she hits me, it doesn't hurt physically, but the anger I feel is indescribable. I'm at the end of my rope and considering breaking up with her before I hurt her.

I don't want to end the relationship, but I think it's the only way to make her see things from my perspective. Or should I call the cops the next time she hits me? -- BRUISED AND ABUSED BOYFRIEND

DEAR BRUISED AND ABUSED: You may not want to, but it's time to end the relationship before something happens you both regret. Your relationship with Carmen isn't a healthy one. You will land in jail if you respond the way it appears she wants you to.

Please think ahead -- if Carmen resorts to violence when she becomes upset with you, then she very likely will with any children you would have together. She may think her abusive behavior is normal because this was the environment in which she was raised. But we both know it's not -- it's a huge red flag. Run!

DEAR ABBY: I have been a holistic health-care and healing practitioner for 10 years. I love my work and being in a helping profession. I'm the one who is always there for everyone who needs help. A good portion of my work is as a counselor, teacher and shoulder to cry on.

My problem? I'm lonely. I have multiple health issues and struggle with money. I need someone to talk with about me and how I'm feeling. Whenever I find a counselor, member of the clergy, teacher, etc., I end up being the counselor, teacher, listener, whatever.

Living in a small town, it's almost impossible to find anyone who doesn't know me or my family. I went to a minister and ended up taking him to an AA meeting. I went to a counselor at a nearby university; she began asking me for advice about her health. I'm hesitant to try to find someone online.

I'm not looking for a lover or an "adventure" -- just someone to talk with. My batteries are constantly being drained and opportunities to recharge are few and far between. I'm not asking for much, just someone to be there for me the way I am for many others.

I tried talking with my wife about this, but she's so emotionally insecure that even thinking I want someone else to talk with upsets her. Please help me. -- LONELY IN A CROWD

DEAR LONELY: It's not uncommon for therapists to suffer the kind of burnout you have described. They often deal with it by trading services with another therapist because talking about feelings -- as you well know -- can often relieve them. What you should do is contact the association of holistic and/or integrative medical professionals in your state and inquire about this kind of opportunity for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend, "Angie," who lost her father to suicide several years ago. Whenever life throws her a curveball, she talks about "ending it all." This bothers me tremendously because I went through the heartache and distress with her when her father took his life.

Angie has a loving family -- mother, sister, beautiful children and a boyfriend. I, on the other hand, am completely alone, yet I muddle along without threatening suicide at every bump in life.

How can I get my friend to stop and realize how lucky she is to have such a wonderful support system when there are those of us who have no one -- yet we find the strength to carry on? -- NOT GIVING UP IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR NOT GIVING UP: You can't, although I'm sure you have tried. You have inner resources that it appears Angie does not. However, if a friend of mine whose relative had committed suicide told me repeatedly that she was considering doing the same, I would report it to her family and urge them to see that she got professional help. That's what you should do, in case depression and suicidal impulses run in her family, as is sometimes the case.

DEAR ABBY: I appreciate frugality, especially now that we all have to watch our spending. However, my neighbor is incredibly frugal. She often asks if she can "borrow" something instead of buying whatever it is she needs.

Her latest request was for socks -- yes, socks! -- for her daughter's dance recital. I put socks in the same category as underwear, something a little too personal to be lending out. Before that, it was leggings, a CD -- the list goes on and on. She always returns the items, but enough is enough!

I work, she doesn't. I feel as though I'm expected to provide for them because I have a job. I don't know if I should say anything to her about her constant borrowing or simply say "no" to all future requests, which, of course, there will be. Please share your thoughts. -- WHAT NEXT?

DEAR WHAT NEXT?: If your neighbor isn't working because she chooses not to, then say no. If she's not working because she hasn't been able to find a job -- a circumstance in which millions of people in this country find themselves -- then treat her as you would want to be treated if you were in her shoes.

DEAR ABBY: My father, who is happily married to his third wife, recently came across some photos of his first wedding to my mother in 1961. Apparently, the walk down memory lane didn't stop there for him. He asked his wife, who evidently agreed, if he could have a party to celebrate the 50th anniversary of this event.

I am appalled and kind of nauseated by the thought. Do you think I'm overreacting? I have considered refusing the invitation. Should I just suck it up, or tell my father I think the idea is narcissistic, insensitive and foolish? -- SICK TO MY STOMACH

DEAR SICK TO MY STOMACH: Your question is a first. Why your father would consider throwing a golden anniversary party to celebrate a marriage that turned to lead and "sank" is mystifying. Equally so is his current wife's willingness to go along with it.

While you and I might consider his idea to be ill-conceived, resist the urge to indulge in name-calling. Let him hear from others that the idea is narcissistic, insensitive and foolish. And, by the way, you are not obligated to accept every invitation you receive.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Beau," married "Patsy" four years ago. She left him after two years and moved out of state. There are no legal separation papers, no child support, and my grandson lives with his daddy.

Beau has a mistress now and tells people they're "engaged." "Luci's" family refers to my son as her fiance and she's considered Mommy to my grandson. When I corrected those titles at a recent family function, it caused friction.

In my opinion, they can't be engaged until Beau is first divorced. To me, marriage is important; it matters. I am disturbed by my son's refusal to end his marriage. I feel it is unfair to Luci, who just had his second child. Beau claims Patsy left him, so she should file for the divorce.

Please understand that Luci and I have become close. She's thoughtful, intelligent, well-spoken, and a wonderful mother to both my grandchildren. I just feel Beau should finish his first marriage. This is not the type of man I meant to raise, and that this is the person he has become shames me to my soul.

Am I out of step with society? Am I the only one who finds this setup unfair to Luci and insulting to me, the mother who tried to raise him to be a better man than this? I have talked to a counselor, Abby, and it's killing me. -- DISRESPECTED MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: You're not out of step, and you are correct that the current arrangement is unfair to Luci. If your son should die tomorrow (heaven forbid), Patsy would be a merry widow with all his assets, and Luci would be left with fond memories and a baby to raise by herself. Period.

Not knowing Beau, I can't know his reasons for not divorcing the woman who left him and ensuring that Luci and the children are taken care of. But I am sure of this: His reasons are not solely that he thinks his wife should be the one to file.

Raising a child well does not guarantee he (or she) will turn out to be a carbon copy of his or her parent. So for your own sake, please stop personalizing this.

DEAR ABBY: I was out to lunch with my son, his new wife, "Taylor," and her family. My son asked, "Mom, do you want something else to eat?" Naturally, I thought he was speaking to me, so I answered. I was crushed when he said, "No, I was talking to 'Sally'" (Taylor's mother)!

I feel it's wrong for my son to call someone else Mom, and furthermore, Sally should have said something, but she didn't. Taylor and I are close, but she would never call me Mom, especially in front of her own mother. Am I being silly? Or should I let this go? -- HIS ONLY MOM

DEAR ONLY MOM: Let it go. Your son was probably calling Taylor's mother "Mom" because he had been asked to do so. ("'Sonny,' we're family now. Please call me 'Mom.'") It would not, however, be confrontational to tell your son that hearing him do it was hard to swallow.

DEAR ABBY: I walk daily with a friend who constantly complains about her job -- "I have seven meetings, a person to train and emails to write, blah, blah, blah ..." I occasionally have an opening to mention my problems, but it's rare. I love this friend, but her constant complaining is wearing on me. How can I get her to just enjoy the break and not spend 20 minutes moaning and groaning? -- WEARING THIN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WEARING THIN: Try this. The next time she does it, say: "Let's not take the office with us. Let's enjoy our break and use the time to talk about other things." Say it with a smile, then change the subject.