DEAR ABBY: Our dearest friends' marriage fell apart four years ago. No one had a clue they were having problems, and we were devastated. We were like family and did everything together. Our oldest children grew up as "siblings" and still remain the closest of friends. "Dorothy" remains deeply in love with "Dan."
Dan has just announced he's being remarried. We have remained close to Dorothy (we're still neighbors), but we are also friendly with Dan. Dorothy doesn't know we're on good terms with her ex, nor is she aware that he has invited us to his wedding.
Dan was never mean to her; he gave her everything in the divorce and continues to be a devoted father to their children. An added note: His children appear to like the new woman in their father's life.
Dorothy just heard about the wedding and doesn't think any of her friends should go. We love them both and feel torn. Dorothy is in counseling and I'm hoping it will help her move on.
I don't want to hurt my friend, but I also want to be supportive of Dan. Do you think we should attend? -- CONFLICTED IN NEW YORK
DEAR CONFLICTED: When Dorothy's children attend their father's wedding, it will be only a short time before Dorothy finds out who was there. While your reason for wanting to attend is perfectly logical, Dorothy isn't thinking rationally and will probably feel abandoned all over again.
If you're willing to put up with the drama that's sure to follow, attend the wedding -- and here's how the rest of the scenario will play out: You will continue to be friendly with Dan and his new wife and socialize with them -- and Dorothy will cut herself off and feel even more isolated, alone and angry. You have described someone who needs the counseling she's receiving, and I sincerely hope it works for her.