DEAR ABBY: Before I met my boyfriend, "Cory," he had a married female friend he'd go out with -- dancing, dinner, movies, etc. He says there was no sex involved, and I believe him. He has asked me to be friends with her and her husband, and I have tried.

However, whenever she's around Cory, they ignore everyone else. She even tried to go on vacation with us! What really upset me was when Cory thought it was OK to ask if "we" could go out with her! It's like she has always been in our relationship.

I have told him they are (and have been) having a non-sexual affair. He's a wonderful man otherwise, and I know he loves me. How can I get her out of our lives? -- FEELING LIKE A THIRD WHEEL

DEAR FEELING: It would be interesting to know what this female friend's husband thinks about her relationship with your boyfriend. Dinner, dancing, movies -- possible shared vacations -- seems like an unusual amount of "togetherness." Talk to her husband, and you may gain some insight.

As to how you can get her out of your lives, the answer is you probably can't. Unless your boyfriend is willing to accept that their relationship is a threat to the one he has with you and is willing to let it go, she will be in his life -- and yours -- for a long, long time.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for four years. Like many couples, we are discussing having a family and we both agree the time is now.

My husband was adopted at birth by a loving couple whom he has always known as his parents. They are fantastic people, but I'd still like to know my husband's family medical history before putting myself or our child at risk for any hereditary complications.

My mother-in-law thinks this "inquisition into the family's personal business" is uncalled for. I think it's important to get a full family medical history before having children. Am I out of line, or should he try to locate his biological parents? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN IOWA

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: I don't think you're out of line. However, if your husband is reluctant to reach out -- even to request his birth parents' medical histories -- then you may be able to obtain the information you're concerned about by having genetic testing done on the two of you. If necessary, discuss it with your physician.

DEAR ABBY: I am a coach's wife and would love some advice on how to handle "fans" who make rude comments about the people who coach their high school-age kids.

I listen to parents constantly gripe and complain about their children's coaches. How can I gracefully manage this situation? I refuse to listen to degrading, negative comments about my husband and his co-workers. Please advise. -- MRS. COACH IN TEXAS

DEAR MRS. COACH: There is nothing you can do to stop comments like that during a game. Some parents act more like children than their children do. However, if it's happening in social situations, a way to deal with it would be to remind the offenders that you'd rather not hear about "work" when you're trying to have fun. Another would be to excuse yourself if the parent has been drinking.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-year-old female, married 26 years, with three grown children. When I was 16, I dated a guy, "Oliver," I cared for very much. We got along, never argued and were very close. The attachment we had I have never experienced since.

Months after we broke up, my mom told me that because we were of different races, she had called Oliver's parents and told them to keep him away from me because we were getting too close.

We both moved on, but through the years I have thought of him often. Sixteen months ago, I found him online. He lives a half-hour away, has two teenagers and is unhappy in his marriage. We spoke on the phone or online for a year. Over the last few months we have been meeting at a nearby park. Our connection is still there. We are soul mates and no longer want to be without each other. And no, we have NOT had sex.

My husband has been good to me. I love him, but I'm not "in love" with him. I am torn between staying with my husband to honor the commitment to my family, or following my heart with Oliver. I'm in love with him and don't want to lose him a second time. -- ANOTHER CHANCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CHANCE: You say you're torn between your commitment to your family or following your heart. But what about Oliver's commitment to his family? Although your children are grown, his aren't. They still need a father at home.

If the feelings you have carried in your heart all these years for Oliver are more than a fantasy, they won't wither if you postpone acting on your feelings. Are you strong enough to do that? Whether you're up to the challenge is something only the two of you can decide.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend, "Lindy," who is dying from liver cancer. She could no longer eat or drink even before the chemo was started, and she sleeps most of the time. The chemo has done nothing more for her than make her lose her hair.

Lindy is adamant that she'll beat the cancer. To that end, she wants nothing "negative" passed on to outsiders, including her relatives who live eight hours away. She has no family here except her boyfriend, whom she won't allow to talk to her doctor. He refuses to go against her wishes.

I am torn between being loyal to my friend's belief that she'll get better, or notifying her family about how sick she really is so they can visit her before she passes. If they come, Lindy will be furious (if she's still coherent). But if they don't have the opportunity, it will be unfair to them.

My heart tells me to call Lindy's family and tell them to consider a visit sooner rather than later. What do you think? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: I think that if Lindy were as close to her family as you imagine, they would have some inkling that she's ill. That you are aware of her illness shows how much she trusts you and cares for you. The people who are most important to her know about her condition, so please respect her wishes.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Will," and I have been married three years. It's a good marriage on most levels, but what causes most of our problems is the way he treats me. Will always assumes his way is correct. When I do something around the house, he comes up behind me and re-does it -- including refolding the clothes. He even corrects the way I speak and pronounce words.

It has gotten to the point that I have shut down. I don't do much of anything around the house anymore because I figure it's a waste of my time. Will gets angry and makes fun of my "laziness." How do I get through to him that some things aren't worth making me feel miserable? When I try to explain how he makes me feel, he gets mad and pouts. -- GETTING TIRED OF IT IN TEXAS

DEAR GETTING TIRED: From your description of your household, your relationship with your husband is not "good." In fact, the way Will is treating you could be considered a form of abuse. By constantly belittling and correcting you, he is trying to assert control and shake your confidence in yourself.

A husband who pouts and makes you feel bad when you tell him he's making you miserable is a poor life partner. He may be insecure, overbearing or have OCD. Or he could be a potential abuser. Insist on marriage counseling to find out which, or get out of there while you still can.

DEAR ABBY: My "Uncle Bernard" has a colorful personality. He has always been full of tall tales about his exploits and celebrity encounters.

About five years ago, my uncle announced that he had been awarded a Purple Heart. I know for a fact that Uncle Bernie was a member of the Merchant Marines on a ship that never left the Great Lakes. He also isn't listed on the official Purple Heart recipient registry, which makes me wonder where he got the medal.

Uncle Bernie hasn't been feeling well, so he has prepared his obituary, which notes that he was a recipient of the Purple Heart. He has also told us he wants the medal displayed at his funeral. I am aghast! I don't think I'll be able to grin and bear this one, Abby. He's a fake, and I don't want his children and church to be embarrassed. What he's doing is wrong. What would you do? -- BITING MY TONGUE FOR NOW

DEAR BITING: Uncle Bernie appears to be a fabulist, which is a polite term for liar. That he would masquerade as a war hero having never set foot in a war zone is disgusting. If I were in your situation I'd wait patiently until the time comes, then talk to his family about the potential embarrassment. When the obituary is published, reference to the medal should be omitted, and at the funeral the medal should not be displayed. Uncle Bernard won't know the difference, trust me.

DEAR ABBY: Today I asked my wife of many years, "Do you still love me?" Her answer was, "At our age, there is friendship at most."

I think that love has no age limit. Who is right? -- LEON IN MARCO ISLAND, FLA.

DEAR LEON: You are. There is no age limit on love. Love is love, whether you're a teenager or an octogenarian, and if you're lucky, even older than that.