DEAR ABBY: I am a flight attendant for a major carrier. I encounter rude passengers every single day, as well as people (including children) with no manners. I accept that not everyone will be friendly to me. Some people are not capable of being friendly, and others may be going through personal issues and not realize they're being rude.

I have a colleague, "Joel," who can't get past this. If a passenger doesn't say "please" or "thank you," Joel will respond with, "What do you say?" or, "What's the magic word?" or a sarcastic, "You're welcome!" if a thank-you hasn't been given. I am appalled by this. While I agree that manners are important, I don't feel it's my place to educate our passengers. Joel gets his point across with a rude, condescending tone.

What's your take on this? Is Joel out of line or offering a valuable lesson? How can I voice my objection and tell him he's embarrassing his co-workers, the passengers and himself? -- ATTITUDES IN ALTITUDES, IN FLORIDA

DEAR A IN A: From my window seat it appears there may be stormy weather ahead for your co-worker. However, this is a lesson he will have to learn for himself, so stay out of it. One of these days when he asks a passenger what the "magic word" is, someone is going to give him one that can't be printed in a family newspaper. Yes, Joel is out of line, and when enough passengers complain about him to the airline, he will suffer the consequences.

DEAR ABBY: I am an accepting person who can make friends with just about anyone. Among my friends there are some who identify as homosexual. I value their friendship because they are caring, honest and funny -- traits I look for in any friend.

My grandparents -- whom I am close to -- are not so accepting. They have strict beliefs regarding homosexuality. So whenever I want to talk to them about something interesting that happened when I was with my friend and his or her partner, I'll catch myself hesitating. I want to be able to talk to them, but I feel like every time I mention a gay friend it causes tension. Is there a way I can be graceful about this without stirring up bad feelings? -- RAINBOW GIRL IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR RAINBOW GIRL: Yes. Ask your grandparents if they'd prefer you tell them all about your activities and whom you spend time with, or if they'd rather you remain silent about your gay friends. Explain that you sense tension when you're open with them, and ask if they'd feel better if you were selective in discussing your life, your friends and your interests. That way the choice will be theirs.

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged man with an older sister who criticizes the way I sneeze. She thinks my sneezing isn't "restrained" enough. It's not a question of direction or whether I put my hand in front of my mouth or not. She believes if I don't try to stifle my sneeze I'm uncouth. In my opinion, sneezing is a natural automatic response and serves to relieve whatever causes it. What do you think? -- SOMETHING TO SNEEZE AT

DEAR SOMETHING: I agree with you. And I am not convinced that trying to stifle a sneeze is healthy because it's nature's way of expelling something from the nose that is irritating. Sneeze away, and -- God bless you!

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter you printed from "Respectful in Ohio" (July 25). I am so glad you addressed the subject of proper etiquette in cemeteries. The cemetery where my family members are buried has become a playground for the neighbors in the area. When I visit, I see people walking their dogs on and off leashes even though they are aware of the "No Dogs Allowed" signs. Children are bicycling, rollerblading and skateboarding, along with joggers and walkers.

I come to the cemetery to visit with my lost loved ones and tend to their graves. I find it disgusting and disturbing that these folks are using our sacred place for their personal pleasures. Abby, thank you so much for your wisdom on this matter. -- JEAN C. IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR JEAN: Thank you for agreeing with me. However, some readers felt differently, believing that cemeteries are for the living as well as the dead. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: You should know that there is a trend where groups of dog walkers are taking over the care of deteriorating cemeteries. In return for cleaning up, restoring and maintaining graveyards, dog walkers are given permission to walk and run their dogs there.

Some readers may find this practice disrespectful, but it has resulted in many cemeteries being restored to the beauty and dignity its occupants deserve. -- CARLA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Respectful," it took me back a few years. As I was mowing in the town cemetery, I went around a gravestone into some tall grass and my mower stalled. When I turned it over to see what I had hit, I found a pair of pantyhose wrapped around the blade of the mower. Apparently, cemeteries are sometimes used as a lover's lane. I agree with you about practicing good behavior in places like these. But I'll always laugh recalling what happened to me. I wonder if the lady who forgot her hose that night caught a cold. -- GROUNDSKEEPER

DEAR ABBY: I have to disagree with you and "Respectful." One needs to have a historical perspective about cemeteries and their place in our culture. Prior to the advent of public parks in the late 19th century, the only open, park-like setting in most communities was the local cemetery. People would stroll the lawns, picnic and socialize there.

Today, some cemeteries even conduct historical and nature tours. While I don't condone rowdy behavior, it's wrong to think they are simply for the dead and mourning. Many families of our fallen soldiers go to Arlington Cemetery to picnic and visit their loved ones.

Cemeteries fall into disrepair when they are not active and filled with living hikers, bikers, bird watchers, etc. Let's encourage people to visit their local cemetery. The alternative is to allow them to go to seed and disappear from our landscape. -- PATRICK H., OHIO

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago in a nearby church cemetery, a young couple and their 4-year-old were putting flowers on a relative's grave. The child got a bit antsy and climbed on a headstone. The stone was loose and tipped over onto the child and killed him. No one should let children play in a cemetery. -- JAN IN SARTELL, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: I want children to play on my grave. What could be better than spending eternity listening to the laughter of children? As for dogs, unless you are going to diaper all the pigeons, dogs are the least of my worries! -- ALANSON IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: When I was in middle school, I was pretty much an outcast. In the summer between eighth grade and high school, I read a Dear Abby column where you offered advice to someone who was shy like me. You recommended that the writer smile and greet people every day. You also published a booklet to help us to be more outgoing.

When I got to high school, I took your advice. Your column changed my life. During my senior year I became involved in drama, choir and sports, and I was elected student body president.

I am now a mom with two children. I hold a master's degree and have a wide array of friends all over the world. I am a public speaker, poet and actor -- all bacause you wrote to someone like me and told that person how to make friends.

Recently a friend and I were discussing that column, and he said, "I wish I had seen it!" Abby, please repeat those words and let people know if the booklet is still available. Folks of all ages need that message of friendship and guidance. Thank you for the impact it has had on my life. -- RENEE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR RENEE: I'm pleased that my column was so helpful for you at a time when you needed it. I think I know the column you mentioned. The reply echoed advice that's in my booklet "How to Be Popular." It said: "No matter what you wear, the expression on your face is your greatest asset -- or liability. Would you want to strike up a conversation with someone who looks like he (or she) is mad at the world? Well, neither would anyone else. So, if you're wearing a perpetual frown, get rid of it. Trade it for a smile.

"You can walk down the street in any foreign country in the world, and even though you may not be able to understand a word they're saying, when you see a smile, you get a message. It's the universal way of saying, 'I'm friendly.'

"I'm not suggesting you go around with a perpetual phony grin pasted on your face, but try to develop the habit of looking cheerful, pleasant and happy. It attracts."

"How to Be Popular" was written in response to many thousands of letters from readers over the years who are not naturally socially assertive, and others who have asked for guidance on where and how to meet nice people like themselves, what to say or not to say, and how to be the kind of person others will find interesting, attractive and worth knowing better, and can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Another important observation from the booklet that wasn't in the column you saw is, "There are two kinds of people -- those who come into a room and their attitude says, 'Here I am!' and those who come into a room and their attitude is, 'There you are!

"The 'there-you-are' type is the winner. If you want to receive a warm welcome, remember the happier you are to see others, the happier they'll be to see you."