DEAR ABBY: After years of abuse at the hands of my mother's boyfriend, I finally sought therapy to deal with the emotional issues. I spent weeks interviewing licensed therapists and finally picked one I felt comfortable with.

After several sessions, I finally revealed the true nature of my issues. Her response? "At least you weren't raped!" I was so horrified by her reaction that I got up and walked out.

It had taken me 20 years to finally work up the courage to speak to someone about my problems. Now I feel completely defeated -- even exploited -- all over again. I know not all therapists are as inept as this woman was, but I'm really afraid of the whole process. What do you do when therapy is the one thing you need, but also the one thing you are petrified of? -- NEEDS THERAPY FOR THERAPY

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: Because someone has a license to practice does not guarantee that the person is actually good at it. I'm sorry you learned that the hard way. But please do not let one bad experience keep you from getting the help you know you need.

When therapy is the one thing you need, but also the one thing you are most afraid of, you should do what smart people who have felt as you have done. Go anyway. This woman wasn't equipped to help you. Be glad that you realized it quickly. You did the right thing by leaving.

DEAR ABBY: I am the proud father of a wonderful 7-year-old boy, "Aiden." His mother, "Emily," and I share custody and have an amicable relationship. I also happen to be gay.

Most of our friends and family are aware of our situation and are kind to all of us. However, Emily's cousin "Lyn" has children Aiden's age who are starting to make anti-gay comments to him -- including teasing and name-calling.

I have spoken to Lyn about this in a gentle and patient manner, but she told me the comments are reflections of her religious beliefs. Have you any advice as to what I can do to stop Aiden from being subjected to this kind of behavior, short of refusing to let him visit them anymore? -- BOTHERED IN BUFFALO

DEAR BOTHERED: I don't know what religion Emily's cousin practices, but I can't think of any that encourages teasing and name-calling among children. Although Aiden is young, he is old enough to understand that some people can be hostile and intolerant of those who are different than they are. Explain that Lyn and her children are "those" kind of people, and it has nothing to do with him personally.

By the way, although you're reluctant to refuse to let your son visit that branch of the family, expose him to them as little as possible, if at all. His mother can visit Cousin Lyn when Aiden is with his daddy.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper protocol regarding jewelry that was given by a former boyfriend? I have a few lovely items, but I no longer feel comfortable wearing them. I'm at a loss and hate to leave them sitting in my jewelry box forever. -- DE-JEWELED IN OHIO

DEAR DE-JEWELED: There is no "protocol" regarding gifts from former boyfriends. If you are uncomfortable wearing the items because they bring back sad memories, consider selling them or, if they contain valuable gems, having the stones reset. However, if you can adjust your attitude and consider them "souvenirs," then wear and enjoy them.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Randy" for more than a year. We get along great. He makes me laugh and I can envision us sharing the rest of our lives together.

I am an atheist and Randy is a Christian. I don't mind his family's views, and I have no problem with religion as long as it isn't being forced on me. However, thinking about a future with Randy, I wouldn't want his family's religious views forced on my children, either. I want them to make their own choices when they're old enough to understand.

Randy wants an "ideal Christian family," where he raises his children on his terms and with his religious views. I don't feel children should be forced into something from birth. Again, I have no problem with Randy's or his family's beliefs; I just don't want them impressed on my children's young minds. What can we do? -- A MIND OF MY OWN

DEAR MIND OF YOUR OWN: You can part friends and agree to disagree. If Randy wants an "ideal Christian family" in which he raises his children "on his terms and with his religious beliefs," there will be no compromise. And if you are adamant that your children choose their own beliefs when they're old enough to understand, you -- and they -- will be better off if the father you choose for them has similar beliefs.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and roommate "Kristina" is a great person with a big heart. However, one of her "quirks" is starting to bother me, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Kristina is an extremely picky eater who is repulsed by any ethnic food. I am Asian, and if we pass an Asian restaurant (or any other ethnic restaurant, for that matter) she makes comments like, "How can people eat that?" or, "That's disgusting!" When I have pointed out to her that her attitude can be insulting, she casually apologizes but her behavior continues.

I realize Kristina is set in her ways and that there's probably nothing I can do to change her attitude toward cultural cuisine. I feel like a nag every time I suggest she's being insensitive. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can respond to her disparaging comments? -- RAISED ON RICE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RAISED ON RICE: "Great" people with "big hearts" do not say the first thing that pops into their heads, particularly when they know it can be hurtful. Because you have already told Kristina her comments are insensitive and insulting, and she continues to make them, it's time you recognize that she doesn't care about your feelings.

The surest ways to insulate yourself are to avoid going near ethnic restaurants when you're with her, or spend less time in her company.

DEAR ABBY: I know a very nice family from another country whose little girl would be adorable except for one thing -- facial hair. The child has a dark "unibrow" and a thick moustache. She's hairier than most men I know.

I would like to recommend a cosmetologist to them, but I know other cultures have different views on facial hair. My husband says I should mind my own business. What do you say, Abby? -- ILLINOIS NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: While your impulse is laudable, listen to your husband. Unless the little girl or her mother mentions that she is being teased because of her facial hair, do not broach the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a good life and are financially secure. Our kids are grown and we now have grandchildren. The problem is my father.

Every time I'm around him, he always comments on my shortcomings and faults. I have never measured up to my father's standards, and I finally realize I never will. I have lost all respect for him and do not want to be around him at all.

My mother is nothing like him, and I still enjoy her company. I don't understand why he treats me this way. Most fathers would be proud to have a son like me. Any suggestions, Abby? -- LOSING SANITY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR LOSING SANITY: Your father may act the way he does out of a need to control you. By withholding approval, he makes you constantly try to win it. Or, he may be hypercritical out of some deep-seated insecurity of his own because it makes him feel superior.

Believe it or not, your father's behavior probably has less to do with you than with him. For further insight into your toxic parent, please talk to a psychologist. It will be money and time well-spent.

DEAR ABBY: A younger brother died of cancer four years ago. Recently his wife, "Kaye," has been coming to stay with my husband and me for a week or two at a time. The reason for the frequent visits is she has a boyfriend here in Arizona. (She lives in California.)

Kaye tells me she "misses me" and uses that as an excuse for her visits, but I know she's doing it for the free lodging. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she isn't getting the hint.

My husband is retired and doesn't want Kaye in our home this often. She has visited for three weeks over the past two months and wants to come back again. I think her boyfriend should pay for her lodging. Then she can come, see us, and spend as much time as she wants with him.

How can I help Kaye see the big picture? -- SORE SISTER-IN-LAW IN PHOENIX

DEAR "SIS": Your hints haven't been strong enough. Tell Kaye that the time she wants to come "isn't convenient" and suggest she make arrangements for other accommodations such as hotel or motel.

If she says she can't afford it, suggest that her boyfriend "chip in" -- or better yet, visit her in California.

DEAR ABBY: A friend, "Dave," is coming here for a visit. He wears false teeth. My husband refuses to have meals with him because Dave removes his teeth when he eats. My husband says it's repulsive and ruins his dinner. Now he wants me to tell Dave to keep his teeth in or he won't be joining us. I'm afraid it will make things awkward and cause hard feelings. What to do? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN THE COACHELLA VALLEY

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: One would think that denture wearers would need their dental appliances in in order to eat. The fact Dave removes his may indicate that his don't fit properly. Call your friend and suggest he see his dentist before he makes the trip. That way, Dave may be able to eat comfortably with his teeth in, and your husband won't be so grossed out he has to eat elsewhere.