DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Randy" for more than a year. We get along great. He makes me laugh and I can envision us sharing the rest of our lives together.

I am an atheist and Randy is a Christian. I don't mind his family's views, and I have no problem with religion as long as it isn't being forced on me. However, thinking about a future with Randy, I wouldn't want his family's religious views forced on my children, either. I want them to make their own choices when they're old enough to understand.

Randy wants an "ideal Christian family," where he raises his children on his terms and with his religious views. I don't feel children should be forced into something from birth. Again, I have no problem with Randy's or his family's beliefs; I just don't want them impressed on my children's young minds. What can we do? -- A MIND OF MY OWN

DEAR MIND OF YOUR OWN: You can part friends and agree to disagree. If Randy wants an "ideal Christian family" in which he raises his children "on his terms and with his religious beliefs," there will be no compromise. And if you are adamant that your children choose their own beliefs when they're old enough to understand, you -- and they -- will be better off if the father you choose for them has similar beliefs.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and roommate "Kristina" is a great person with a big heart. However, one of her "quirks" is starting to bother me, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Kristina is an extremely picky eater who is repulsed by any ethnic food. I am Asian, and if we pass an Asian restaurant (or any other ethnic restaurant, for that matter) she makes comments like, "How can people eat that?" or, "That's disgusting!" When I have pointed out to her that her attitude can be insulting, she casually apologizes but her behavior continues.

I realize Kristina is set in her ways and that there's probably nothing I can do to change her attitude toward cultural cuisine. I feel like a nag every time I suggest she's being insensitive. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can respond to her disparaging comments? -- RAISED ON RICE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RAISED ON RICE: "Great" people with "big hearts" do not say the first thing that pops into their heads, particularly when they know it can be hurtful. Because you have already told Kristina her comments are insensitive and insulting, and she continues to make them, it's time you recognize that she doesn't care about your feelings.

The surest ways to insulate yourself are to avoid going near ethnic restaurants when you're with her, or spend less time in her company.

DEAR ABBY: I know a very nice family from another country whose little girl would be adorable except for one thing -- facial hair. The child has a dark "unibrow" and a thick moustache. She's hairier than most men I know.

I would like to recommend a cosmetologist to them, but I know other cultures have different views on facial hair. My husband says I should mind my own business. What do you say, Abby? -- ILLINOIS NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: While your impulse is laudable, listen to your husband. Unless the little girl or her mother mentions that she is being teased because of her facial hair, do not broach the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a good life and are financially secure. Our kids are grown and we now have grandchildren. The problem is my father.

Every time I'm around him, he always comments on my shortcomings and faults. I have never measured up to my father's standards, and I finally realize I never will. I have lost all respect for him and do not want to be around him at all.

My mother is nothing like him, and I still enjoy her company. I don't understand why he treats me this way. Most fathers would be proud to have a son like me. Any suggestions, Abby? -- LOSING SANITY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR LOSING SANITY: Your father may act the way he does out of a need to control you. By withholding approval, he makes you constantly try to win it. Or, he may be hypercritical out of some deep-seated insecurity of his own because it makes him feel superior.

Believe it or not, your father's behavior probably has less to do with you than with him. For further insight into your toxic parent, please talk to a psychologist. It will be money and time well-spent.

DEAR ABBY: A younger brother died of cancer four years ago. Recently his wife, "Kaye," has been coming to stay with my husband and me for a week or two at a time. The reason for the frequent visits is she has a boyfriend here in Arizona. (She lives in California.)

Kaye tells me she "misses me" and uses that as an excuse for her visits, but I know she's doing it for the free lodging. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she isn't getting the hint.

My husband is retired and doesn't want Kaye in our home this often. She has visited for three weeks over the past two months and wants to come back again. I think her boyfriend should pay for her lodging. Then she can come, see us, and spend as much time as she wants with him.

How can I help Kaye see the big picture? -- SORE SISTER-IN-LAW IN PHOENIX

DEAR "SIS": Your hints haven't been strong enough. Tell Kaye that the time she wants to come "isn't convenient" and suggest she make arrangements for other accommodations such as hotel or motel.

If she says she can't afford it, suggest that her boyfriend "chip in" -- or better yet, visit her in California.

DEAR ABBY: A friend, "Dave," is coming here for a visit. He wears false teeth. My husband refuses to have meals with him because Dave removes his teeth when he eats. My husband says it's repulsive and ruins his dinner. Now he wants me to tell Dave to keep his teeth in or he won't be joining us. I'm afraid it will make things awkward and cause hard feelings. What to do? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN THE COACHELLA VALLEY

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: One would think that denture wearers would need their dental appliances in in order to eat. The fact Dave removes his may indicate that his don't fit properly. Call your friend and suggest he see his dentist before he makes the trip. That way, Dave may be able to eat comfortably with his teeth in, and your husband won't be so grossed out he has to eat elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister I love dearly. "Thea" is married to a wonderful man, and they have a 3-year-old son I love as if he were my own. My problem is Thea has a nasty, violent temper, and she doesn't hesitate to use it toward the boy.

Recently when he was overtired and needed to go to bed, Thea said he "knows better than to push me by throwing a tantrum." She then threatened to "beat him bloody" if he didn't "shut up" and go to sleep. Abby, she had already swatted his behind to the point that he could no longer stand up.

This feels like abuse to me. When I suggested that perhaps Thea should try to calm down before she hits him (more than she already had), she threw me out of her house! I am terrified that this may be happening more often than I realize. But what if what I witnessed was just an isolated incident? If I act on it, I may never have a relationship with my sister again.

What (if anything) can I do? I'm worried for the safety of my nephew, but I don't want to cause a rift I can't mend. -- MIDWEST AUNTIE

DEAR AUNTIE: It appears your sister has serious anger issues and lacks parenting skills. A mother who "swats" her child to the point that he can no longer stand is an abuser, and she needs an intervention before her child is seriously hurt. Because Thea's reaction when you tried to intervene and calm her down was to throw you out of the house, the next step is to call Childhelp USA. The toll-free number is 800-422-4453. Your call will be kept confidential and a counselor can guide you further. Please don't procrastinate.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Roger," died recently. I am working through the devastating grief of his passing, but the core of my pain was listening to the eulogies at his funeral.

I expected Roger's friends and family to share happy memories and celebrate the best of his life. However, many of those who spoke -- including his granddaughter -- chose to remember him as a notorious womanizer both while his wife was alive and after her death. Stories were shared about how he constantly hit on much younger women, including his daughter's childhood friends. One "gentleman" even shared an "amusing" anecdote about how he and Roger found out they were sleeping with the same woman.

I knew about Roger's past before he met me and I managed to come to terms with it, but I did not expect it to be brought up as entertainment at his memorial. I also thought it to be inappropriate with his late wife's family in attendance.

Now my memories are tainted, and I feel dirty and used. I live 500 miles from Roger's home and will probably never see those people again. What can I do to get over this anger that continues to haunt me? -- STILL IN MOURNING

DEAR STILL MOURNING: A eulogy is usually a respectful recapitulation of the deceased's life story, which includes loving memories, lessons taught, examples set by the person. What happened at the funeral was an indication that Roger left behind bitter memories that were voiced by those who spoke. How sad for all concerned.

However, this has nothing to do with you and your relationship with Roger. And the quickest way to work through your feelings would be to practice forgiveness and go on with your life -- in which Roger was just a chapter.