DEAR ABBY: A friend recently purchased a mother's ring from a pawn shop. When "Caron" told me about it, I told her she didn't have the right to wear one because she's not a mother. I discussed it with some other friends and they agreed with me, but Caron says I "overreacted" and that everyone is on HER side.

Caron says it's "just a ring" with different colored stones and she has every right to wear it if she wants to. The women who agree with me say a mother's ring is set with varied birthstones to commemorate the birth of a child born in a certain month, and that's why Caron has no right to wear it.

Caron says I'm crazy and need a therapist. She's ending our 10-year friendship because I will not agree with her. Am I right or wrong? -- RING OF TRUTH IN ARKANSAS

DEAR RING OF TRUTH: A ring with multicolored stones is not a military medal. There are no laws or official rules governing who may or may not wear one. Shame on you for trying to take the pleasure out of her purchase, and that you would drag others into your disagreement with Caron is disappointing and puzzling.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 11 years and have four children. During those years my husband and I struggled with our relationship. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't do the things I asked of him, and I became very resentful.

Last December we agreed to a divorce and, suddenly, it seemed like everything changed between us! We started getting along and treated each other with respect -- I guess because we had the answer to our problems and we were looking forward to change. I began reflecting on our relationship and put myself in his shoes. I realized that if he treated me the way I had treated him, there would be no way I'd want to do anything for him.

I'm still trying to understand the changes I have gone through, but I feel more love now for my husband than I have for a very long time, and I have started treating him that way.

He is struggling with this change and keeps waiting for me to revert to my old ways. We have put talk of divorce on the back burner and are just taking it day-by-day. I want other couples to know that if you want something to change, to look in the mirror. The only one who can change your circumstances is you. -- SECOND CHANCE IN TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR SECOND CHANCE: That's perceptive, and it applies to more situations than marriage. I wish you and your husband a successful reconciliation.

DEAR ABBY: "Maria" and I lived together for two years. She had wanted eyelid surgery but couldn't afford to pay $5,000. I offered to give her $2,000.

A few months ago, Maria told me she didn't love me anymore. (She now has a new boyfriend.) She called me yesterday evening asking for the money I said I'd give her for the surgery.

Do I owe her this money? She's the one who ended it. I told her to ask her new boyfriend to pay for it, but she claims I need to keep my word. -- SEEING THINGS DIFFERENTLY

DEAR SEEING THINGS: Excuse me? YOU need to keep your word? No, MARIA needs you to keep your word. When she replaced you, your generous offer to pay for her cosmetic surgery ended. So tell her she'll have to arrange for replacement financing or work out a time payment plan with her surgeon.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I love my grandmother, but she constantly puts my grandpa down, even in front of the family. I know some of the harsh words she uses could be resentment built up over the years from past hurts. Still, if she talks so rudely to him when we're around, I wonder what she says when they're alone.

Grandma loves her family very much, especially the two of us grandkids. It just hurts that she's so mean to Grandpa. Immediately after she insults him, I'll ask her why she did it, but she acts like she has done nothing wrong.

I know it must hurt my grandfather to be treated that way so often by the woman he's been married to for more than 50 years. Should I address her about it in private? -- WORRIED GRANDDAUGHTER

DEAR WORRIED: Your grandparents' marriage has lasted half a century, so it's safe to assume that they have a fairly strong bond. It's possible that what you interpret as insulting is her way of communicating with him -- both in public and in private -- and that he tuned her out decades ago. You have already said she appears to think she has done nothing wrong, so unless your grandfather has in some way indicated that it is hurtful to him, my advice is to leave it alone. It works for them in some way.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and my sister "Amber" is 13. For the past few months, she has been throwing tantrums whenever things don't go her way or she feels something wrong happens, like an offensive comment someone makes. So my parents and I just leave her alone.

Amber cries, stomps and hits, and because I share a room with her I am very stressed out. I haven't been able to sleep until she wears herself out. Lately, she has been saying she hates life and I am scared she might do something stupid. What should I do? -- OLDER SIS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR OLDER SIS: The behavior you have described is not normal for someone Amber's age. And if it's new behavior, it's a reason your parents should not ignore it. If your parents are unable to get Amber to talk to them, they may need the help of a physician or adolescent psychologist to get to the root of what is triggering these episodes. Please don't wait. Clip this item, give it to your parents and tell them you wrote it. I, too, am concerned for your sister.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are open with each other and can reach a satisfactory compromise on a lot of things. However, one we can't seem to reach an agreement on is the temperature of our house. When evening rolls around, my husband turns on the air conditioning and the fans, leaving me to run to the closet for multiple sweatshirts. When we sleep, I end up using four blankets while he uses just a sheet.

When I ask him to turn up the temperature, he responds with, "It's easier for you to put more clothes on if you're cold." It results in an argument every night. Please help, Abby. -- FROZEN IN OREGON

DEAR FROZEN: Stop arguing and buy a heating pad and a long extension cord. It will solve your problem and you'll both be comfortable. And for your bed, consider an electric mattress pad. If you share the same bed with your husband, get one with dual controls.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are living in a studio apartment owned by her mother. We're currently looking for another place to live, and can't decide whether or not to get a two-bedroom and a roommate.

We both know the pros and cons of living with other people, and I have a potential roommate I trust completely. But I'm apprehensive because I had a roommate once before and it wasn't a great experience. We're still friends, but I would never live with him again.

We're trying to get out soon. I don't want to make the wrong decision and lose either a friend or a future wife because of money, hurt feelings or anything else. Please advise. -- MIKE IN FLORIDA

DEAR MIKE: Living together, as you have probably already learned, requires adjustment on the part of all of the parties concerned. While you trust this friend to be a responsible roommate, what if something unforeseeable were to happen and the person should have to unexpectedly move out? Would he or she be on the lease with you? Could you pay the rent without the help of another roommate? How would you manage if the roommate were to have a live-in, too?

Because of these questions, it might be better to take a place with one bedroom to avoid possible complications.

DEAR ABBY: Is it appropriate to send anniversary flowers to a widow? My husband's grandfather just passed away, and this will be his grandmother's first wedding anniversary as a widow.

Etiquette guides conflict in their advice regarding sending anniversary cards and flowers to widows. Would flowers be inappropriate? If not, what should the delivery card say? -- SENTIMENTAL IN KELLER, TEXAS

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Sending flowers would be a kind and thoughtful gesture. The card could read, "You're in our thoughts and in our hearts. With love ..." because this will be anything but a happy anniversary. If you live near your husband's grandmother, offer to invite her over or take her out to dinner so she won't be alone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old guy who needs to know how to properly introduce myself to a lady. My first instinct is to shake her hand -- that's how I introduce myself to guys. I'm always uneasy shaking a girl's hand because I am not sure if it is appropriate. If I am seated, I will stand to introduce myself, but then there's an awkward pause afterward. Please advise. -- A PROPER GENTLEMAN

DEAR GENTLEMAN: According to the rules of etiquette, it's the woman who dictates whether or not to shake hands. If she extends her hand, you should shake it. If not, keep your hands at your sides -- smile, tell her your name and say, "It's nice to meet you." That's all you have to do.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a nice, quiet neighborhood. A few months ago, however, a young woman who lived across the street from me was brutally stabbed to death by her jealous boyfriend. After a few months of getting the rental home cleaned up, there are new people moving in. Should I make sure they're aware of what happened or should I keep quiet? -- CONCERNED IN MISSOURI

DEAR CONCERNED: Exactly what are you concerned about -- that the boyfriend will come back and stab the new renters? They should have already been informed about the history of the place by the person renting the property. But if they weren't, I see little to be gained by your being the bearer of those bad tidings.