DEAR ABBY: My in-laws have a small dog, "Fluffy," who has come to rule their lives. That's OK, because it doesn't really affect me. However, we frequently have them over for dinner, and they insist on taking home a large portion of whatever meat was served to give to their dog. I'm not talking about scraps from everyone's plates -- the amount they take would be a serving for another meal.

I have objected to this practice in the past, but each time they come for dinner they seem to have "forgotten" the lesson. I don't like it! How can I tactfully tell them not to take meat from my table for Fluffy? -- "STEAKING" MY CLAIM, ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR "STEAKING": You already have told your in-laws not to take the meat you are serving for their dog. Either their memories are failing, or your feelings aren't important to them.

Suggestion: When you have them to dinner, set up the plates in your kitchen rather than have dishes on the table, and immediately refrigerate any meat you haven't served. Or consider serving your in-laws a meatless dinner. (I can hear them now, asking, "Where's the beef?")

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bud," retired a year ago and now does almost nothing with his life. He calls himself a "house husband," but that's a lie. All he does is watch TV or play on his computer all day while I work full time outside the home.

Our house has become a pigsty. If I try to do some cleaning, Bud gets mad and says he'll do it "later." Later comes and goes.

Returning to a filthy house after work is driving me crazy. He doesn't even do the grocery shopping; I have to do it on my lunch hour.

Any advice on how I can get his rear end off the couch and get him to assume some responsibilities? I don't usually nag, but I'm so mad I'm taking out my frustrations on my exercise bike. It's making me very fit, but I'm still upset about his lack of ambition. -- WIFE OF A LAZY SLOB

DEAR WIFE: You and Bud have a communication problem. Rather than scold him about his inactivity, try to get him to tell you (calmly) what his "vision" of retirement is. You may find that it's very different from yours. He may also be depressed at the changes that have occurred in his life.

If Bud was always a "lazy slob," then face it -- that's the person you married. However, if this is a recent, radical change in his behavior, you should insist he be examined by his doctor. But taking out your frustrations on your exercise bike is not a solution, and you may have to decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office of eight people, and we have two restrooms -- one for the men, the other for the women. Recently the women's restroom was out of order and we had to use the men's room.

In a case like this, what is proper etiquette? Do we girls put the seat back up when we are finished, or leave it down? The guys in the office said it should be left up. -- HE SAID, SHE SAID

DEAR H.S.S.S.: I say that because both sexes are using the same restroom -- which makes it temporarily unisex -- the toilet seat should be left down.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old man with a baby face. It makes me appear much younger than I am -- so much so that I have been carded when buying alcohol or lottery tickets. People also seem to relate to me based on the age they perceive me to be.

Four months ago I grew a beard, which makes me look more my age. I'm an actor, and in the past audiences had difficulty accepting me in certain roles because of my youthful appearance. My beard solved that problem.

My sister-in-law is getting married this summer and insists I shave my beard for the ceremony and wedding photos. I keep it well-groomed, and it gives me more confidence when dealing with people. I don't want to shave it.

My sister-in-law is recovering from cancer, and my wife thinks I'll look like a jerk if I refuse to comply. I'm not part of the wedding party, but I am the head usher and will be in many of the family photos. Is her request appropriate? My father-in-law has a beard, but he hasn't been asked to shave it. -- CONFLICTED IN CANADA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Your letter reminds me of the ones I have printed about brides who don't want anyone associated with their wedding to be overweight, tattooed or have an unusual hairdo. They're so preoccupied with how things will look that they forget there are people, not mannequins or puppets, involved.

You should not have to shave your beard in order to be an usher. Offer your sister-in-law a choice: Either you can remain as you are, or she can find someone else to steer her guests to their seats. Do not be confrontational about it. The choice will be hers.

DEAR ABBY: You often advise readers who have the time to reach out and volunteer. There's a little-known program in every state that was mandated by a 1978 amendment to the "Older Americans Act." It's the Long Term Care Ombudsman Program. Its goal is to help assure that long-term care facility residents live harmoniously and with dignity, feeling free to voice complaints or concerns without reprisal.

There's a need nationwide for volunteers to make this program work. The ultimate goal is to have one volunteer in each nursing home. After training is completed, volunteers spend eight to 16 hours a month visiting their assigned nursing homes. They talk with the residents and observe conditions. If there's a complaint, they take it to their regional ombudsman for resolution.

Once residents get to know and trust you, they will share wonderful life stories. Some of them have no one to talk to, no visitors or family. A volunteer ombudsman is the voice for those who have none, and helps to make each community a better place to live for all its residents.

The nursing homes like to have volunteer ombudsmen visit their facilities because they want to provide the best care possible for their residents. -- JILL IN VAN BUREN, ARK.

DEAR JILL: Forgive me if this seems cynical, but some do and some don't -- which is exactly why it's so important that there are trained observers willing to regularly visit nursing home patients to ensure they are properly cared for. Readers, this is important work. If you are interested in volunteering, contact your local social services agency, Department of Aging or search online for the word "ombudsman" and the state in which you reside.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Vanessa," and I have been engaged almost a year. We're to be married in three months. When I popped the question, I took her to one of her favorite spots in the Smoky Mountains. When I proposed, she was overcome with emotion -- but not the kind I would have thought. She said yes, but she wasn't at all happy about being surprised. She doesn't like surprises.

At the time, I was sure she had an inkling about my intentions. We had discussed becoming engaged several times. Now, as the wedding draws near, she wants me to "re-propose." It makes me feel like my first wasn't good enough, and it is really upsetting me. I only intended to do it once in my life. What would you recommend? -- QUESTIONED-OUT IN OHIO

DEAR QUESTIONED-OUT: I recommend you clear the air with Vanessa ASAP. Tell her you intended to propose only once in your life, and that her request has hurt your feelings. If she still insists on a second proposal, ask for a script so you won't disappoint her again. Then be prepared to have her provide you with them regularly, because unless you're a mind reader, it's the only way you'll live up to her fantasies.

DEAR ABBY: We stand in line for movie tickets, sporting events, Black Friday shopping, etc. Am I being overly sensitive when I have stood in line and the person in front of me allows family or friends to cut in? It irks me no end when I have spent anywhere from 30 minutes to several hours waiting and someone butts in front of me.

How can I tactfully address this without being confrontational? Or should I just bite my tongue and move on? -- STANDING IN LINE

DEAR STANDING: It's one thing when a person lets a spouse or one other person in -- and quite another when it's half a dozen people. However, folks this rude can be hypersensitive when challenged and cause an altercation, so I don't recommend taking them on.

An exception to this would be Black Friday, or a store event in which only a certain number of shoppers will be allowed in. In a case like that, security should be notified if a large number of people are cutting in line.

DEAR ABBY: How can I get my stepsons to show some compassion and love for their father? They seem to forget that they have him, and that he labored to help them become successful citizens. He's a kind and sensitive man who should be cherished. He has Alzheimer's disease and needs their love now more than ever.

They live in other states, but could call more than once a year. My husband doesn't say much about them anymore. He did when we first married six years ago. We keep busy, but I cry for him. He has no family. His first wife lived for her sons only and probably forgot about her relationship with my husband. Perhaps this attitude was passed on to his sons. How do others in my situation cope? -- CRYING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CRYING: Dry your tears, pick up the phone and encourage the "boys" to call their father once a week to say they are thinking of him and love him -- and to share some memory their father will relate to. And should your husband's sons have a memory lapse and forget to call, remind them -- but do it without laying a guilt trip.