life

Lengthy Medical Test Poses a Challenge for Solo Patient

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2011 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Like other people my age, I'm supposed to get a colonoscopy. The difficulty is that someone has to go to the two-hour appointment with me, as well as supervise me for 3 to 4 hours afterward until the anesthesia wears off.

I don't have family here, and my friends all work full time, so I hesitate to ask them. Can I hire a home health aide to go along with me? Is there a volunteer organization that provides companions? Could I stay in the recovery room for several hours and then take a taxi or drive myself home? The lack of a person to accompany me is the major reason I haven't gotten the procedure yet. I know I must not be the only person in this boat. What do you suggest? -- ON MY OWN IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR ON YOUR OWN: You're definitely not the only person who has faced this problem, which is why I'm printing your letter.

Do you belong to a church? If so, contact your clergyperson and ask if he or she knows someone in your congregation who would be willing to accompany you for the procedure, drive you home and stay for a few hours. If not, because you live in a university town, contact the school and ask if one of the students would like to earn some extra money by providing you with transportation and supervision.

Or, ask your doctor for a referral to a healthcare aide who might be available to help you. Now stop procrastinating and schedule this very important appointment.

life

Dear Abby for August 05, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2011 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old married woman. I work full time, own a house with my husband and have a great family life. As an only child, I have always been close with my parents. I talk to Mom sometimes twice a day and stay at their house when my husband has to work the night shift.

I mentioned to my parents that I want to get a small tattoo on my foot. They went nuts. Mom screamed at me to get out of her house. She said if I get a tattoo I am no longer welcome in her house. I tried explaining that I am an adult and although she may not agree with my choice, the decision is not hers. Dad said tattoos are trashy. Mom wouldn't speak to me for two weeks. I had to send her flowers to smooth things over.

I don't know what to do. I still want the tattoo. My husband isn't wild about the idea, but respects my decision. How do I get my parents to come around on this matter, and on my judgment in general? -- TIME TO CUT THE CORD

DEAR TIME TO CUT THE CORD: You might start by being less dependent on their approval. Tattoos have become so common they are now mainstream -- worn by doctors, lawyers and people in just about every profession. A tattoo on your foot would not be a sign you are a fallen woman.

However, think carefully about this decision because once it's on, it's there to stay. And be sure that getting it isn't a delayed form of teenage rebellion on your part and that you can live with the flak that's sure to come with it.

Your letter reminds me of the time I told my mother I wanted to get my ears pierced. Her response was: "I gave you a perfect body. If you want two more holes in your head, it's up to you." I did and never regretted it, but it made me think twice. And that's what you should do.

life

Dear Abby for August 05, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2011 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Many of us have old electric typewriters that go unused. Why not donate them to a nursing home or to an elderly person who can no longer write? Even people with severe Parkinson's disease can still hit a key with one finger and write letters they were once unable to do. -- SUSAN IN ARKANSAS

DEAR SUSAN: That's a great idea, and one worth pursuing for anyone interested in recycling.

life

Neighbor's Crude Advances Demand a Swift Response

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 4th, 2011 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: This is embarrassing to say, but yesterday my sister wanted to go tanning, so our neighbor's father took us. After she got out of the car, he started to touch me inappropriately and say nasty things.

I told him to stop and that I didn't like it, but he kept on. Should I tell the police? Or my old social worker? I don't know what to do. My sister and I stay home a lot because our parents work, and I'm afraid he'll do something worse.

Please don't print my name or location. I don't want my parents to know just yet. I'm 20 and don't know how the law works for this type of assault. This is considered an assault, right? Please answer soon. -- SCARED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR SCARED: No one has the right to put his hands on you without your permission! While what your neighbor's father did may not have been an assault, it could be considered sexual battery. You should definitely inform your social worker right away. A man who would do this to you is completely capable of doing it to a minor. Your social worker will know how to handle the details.

life

Dear Abby for August 04, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 4th, 2011 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend was laid off 11 months ago and hasn't been able to find another job since. My problem is, he isn't seriously looking for one. Every time I suggest he get one he becomes angry, or if I suggest a specific job he gives me some reason why he won't take it -- such as the pay is too low. He has no college education and no other formal schooling. What does he expect?

I love him, and other than this our relationship is pretty great. But lately this is causing a major strain because I want more for him. I hold two jobs and will be continuing my B.S. in psychology next year. I have tried being nice, being rude, and discussing it with him. He just doesn't "get" that I'm losing respect for the man I once admired. How can I make him see he needs to do more with his life than collect unemployment? -- STRIVING HIGHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRIVING HIGHER: With today's job market what it is, it's possible that without further training your boyfriend may not be able to find another job that offers the same wages and/or benefits as the one he lost. Remind him that his unemployment benefits are finite -- they're not going to last forever.

He needs to understand that when that happens, you are not going to support him. He may be depressed, but the longer he sits around, the longer it'll take him to become motivated. Even if he can't find work right now, he can seek further job training. He can also do volunteer work, which would get him out and circulating and help him to make more contacts that could lead to permanent employment.

life

Dear Abby for August 04, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 4th, 2011 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Let's say you made arrangements with a friend and then forgot about them, so you made other arrangements with someone else. When you discover your mistake, should you honor the first commitment? -- NEEDS AN ANSWER SOON

DEAR NEEDS AN ANSWER: Yes, you should. To cancel the original plans would be rude. And when you make other arrangements with the "someone else," you should apologize and explain that you had previous plans.

life

Dear Abby for August 04, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 4th, 2011 | Letter 4 of 4

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

life

Stylist's Hair Raising Tales May Scare His Clients Away

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 3rd, 2011 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a weekly client at an upscale hair salon. I and most of the other customers are over 65. The owner, "Valentino," is a 50ish widower who likes to brag about his romantic conquests. My friends and I agree that his revelations are inappropriate and unprofessional.

Val is an excellent hairdresser. Should we ignore his behavior, or quit cold turkey and live with bad hair days? -- EMBARRASSED IN THE BIG EASY

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I have a better idea. Take Valentino aside and tell him privately, as a friend, that hearing the details of his sex life is embarrassing, and that some of his clients have mentioned they're considering changing hairdressers because of it. That should "snip" it.

life

Dear Abby for August 03, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 3rd, 2011 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Marianne," and I have known each other for 27 years. She recently got divorced, started playing online games and met a man at one of the sites. Within a couple of months, he had moved across the country with his son and into Marianne's house.

This guy has nothing going for him. He has no job background, no skills, and as near as I can tell, he is a mooch. Marianne says he feels material things aren't important and he is just not "into" money.

Marianne and I get out for a couple of hours a week for "girl time," and when we do, he calls and texts her constantly like a jealous teenager. Abby, we're 40 years old! I haven't told her how I feel about her new live-in, but I have always had good instincts and my alarm bells are ringing. Should I tell her how I feel, or try to be happy she has found someone to give her the attention she didn't have in her marriage? -- SEES THE WRITING ON THE WALL

DEAR SEES THE WRITING: Of course the man doesn't think material things are important and isn't into money. He is enjoying Marianne's material things and her money.

Yes, you should tell your friend you are concerned. Begin by saying your concern stems from a fear that she has gotten seriously involved so quickly after her divorce, and that the man appears to be so insecure and controlling that he can't give her a couple of hours of "girl time" without interruption. That really is a red flag. And the fact that your friend is supporting him and his son is another.

life

Dear Abby for August 03, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 3rd, 2011 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A close, longtime family friend recently passed. In order to relieve some of the pressure on the deceased's family, I volunteered my time and money to organize the reception following the funeral.

There was a lot of food left over, much of it food that I had provided. We offered the leftovers to the family and they took some, but not all of it. I assumed that what was left of my food would go to me and my family, but others (some of whom provided nothing) decided to pack it up for themselves. Am I wrong to feel cheated out of food that I purchased? -- TICKED OFF IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR TICKED OFF: I understand your frustration, but please don't waste your time fuming. The people who took the leftovers without first checking to see who had brought or donated the food probably needed it more than you. These are difficult times, so let it go.

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