DEAR ABBY: When I go out to eat with my girlfriends, I usually enjoy myself until it comes time for dessert. Then I get grief if I don't order any and they do. They'll say, "Oh, you're so tiny. You can eat it." Conversely, if I do order something, they tell me, "Well, I'd love some but my metabolism isn't as high as yours."

I have never made comments to them about calorie counting, needing to work out or concern about my weight. I feel fitness is a private matter, and I'm not comfortable with mine being the topic of discussion. Is there any way to respectfully and tactfully respond to their comments or redirect the conversation? -- TAKES THE CAKE IN FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.

DEAR TAKES THE CAKE: The way you said it in your letter is perfect: "I feel fitness is a private matter and I'm not comfortable with mine being the topic of discussion." Either state it when they comment on what you have ordered, or say it privately to each of your friends when you're away from a restaurant. If they are friends, they'll respect your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: Is it weird to not want to sleep in the same bed with my husband? We have an amazing, caring, fun relationship -- but when it comes to sleep, I need my space while he prefers to cuddle all night. I always end up trying to push him over to his side, or telling him to please move. I know he gets offended because he's just trying to be close.

Abby, when I'm in bed with him I hardly get any sleep! He's always on my side and I can't move. It bothers me so much I end up sleeping on the couch.

Is this a bad sign for our marriage? Should I just stick it out for his sake? Our marriage is pretty close to perfect except for this one thing. -- NEEDS MY SPACE IN WEST VALLEY, UTAH

DEAR NEEDS YOUR SPACE: If you haven't already done it, you and your husband should have a calm discussion about this when you're both wide awake and rested. Sleep deprivation can cause any number of problems -- slow reaction time behind the wheel of a car, inefficiency at work, and serious health problems. If your marriage is amazing, caring, fun and sexually satisfying for both of you, then sleeping separately isn't a "bad sign." It's the solution.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old woman who, after a long marriage and unavoidable divorce, is ready to date. I work out daily, am active in my church, take classes, and socialize with women and married couples. I'm in excellent shape and am told I'm attractive and fun. There are few available men my age (or a little younger or older) and almost all of them seem to be looking for women in their 40s, 30s or even 20s.

Why are men my age so unwilling to date women their age? We're past the drama years, are secure in who we are, and have a lot to offer. Am I destined to spend my life without romance? I'm an upbeat person but have lately started feeling angry at how I'm being marginalized. -- MISSING OUT IN WYOMING

DEAR MISSING OUT: I can't speak for "all" older men, but many of them in our youth-obsessed culture look for women considerably younger because it helps them fool themselves into thinking they are younger than their years. You are physically, socially and intellectually active, so stop allowing yourself to be marginalized and consider dating men who are younger. It worked for Demi Moore.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Brianna," often invites me to big parties at her older friends' homes. At first I was thrilled because I'm only 15. At the parties I saw some people doing bad things -- but I didn't, at first.

Soon, Brianna pressured me into doing some things that I didn't feel comfortable doing. My parents are very strict about these things, and I knew it was wrong. I have tried to get out of going to the parties, but Brianna says bad things to me. I have even had to lie to my parents about where I'm going.

Every girl my age wants to go to these parties, but I don't. Am I weird for not wanting to get involved in inappropriate things? I'm afraid if I stand up to Brianna, she'll make everyone hate me. Please help. What should I do? -- FEELING PRESSURED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING PRESSURED: You're not weird, and "every" girl your age does not want to attend the parties you have mentioned. You appear to be a lot more intelligent than your "friend" Brianna, who sounds more like a bully than a friend.

Because Brianna does things that could land her in serious trouble doesn't mean that you should do them.

As I say in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know": "... when it comes to being enticed into acts that are senseless, dangerous, illegal or immoral, it's the 'squares,' the kids who care about their reputations (and their school and/or police records), who really show courage by saying, 'No thanks, I'll pass.'"

Today, it's not unusual to hear about teens engaging in adult activities at much younger ages than the teenagers of previous generations. That is why it is so important for parents (and guardians) to take the time to discuss alcohol, drugs, sex and family values with their children well before they start experimenting.

My teen booklet provides the answers to frequently asked questions such as: How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant? Can she get pregnant the first time she has sex? What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe? How old must a boy be before he can father a child? Another important topic that's included is how to avoid date rape and what to do if it happens. To order "What Every Teen Should Know," send your name and address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. My booklet also contains information on contraception and sexually transmitted diseases and how to recognize them. It has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussion by educators and religious leaders, and is often used by parents who find it difficult to discuss sex with their children.

DEAR ABBY: There's a question I have been pondering for years and I have never seen it addressed in your column. Which came first, the chicken sandwich or the egg salad? I need to make a decision soon. -- CHICKEN LOVER IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR CHICKEN LOVER: Your question is out of my area of expertise because I'm a peanut butter-and-jelly girl. But I know baloney when I'm handed a portion, so chew on that until you figure out the answer.

DEAR ABBY: "Keeping It Real in Laguna Beach, Calif." (May 27), who is embarrassed by the dialects of his Southern relatives, should learn some Southern hospitality! Yes, we may say "Ma and Pa," "y'all," "yonder" and "I reckon," but we would not laugh or be embarrassed if a California relative came to visit. We'd be overjoyed and welcoming.

"K.I.R.," get off your high horse and get over yourself! If you visited, we'd show you around town, take you to see friends and relatives, and smother you with affection. We'd have big family gatherings, sit on the front porch and drink lemonade. We would never ridicule your different accent.

Come spend some time with us "hicks." We welcome everyone and are glad to have you. We'll serve you white gravy and homemade buttermilk biscuits, pecan pie and sweet tea. And when you leave, we'll give you a big, air-constricting hug and some "sugar" (Southern slang for kisses) and say, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" -- GEORGIA GIRL

DEAR GEORGIA GIRL: To heck with "K.I.R." -- invite me! You'll be pleased to know your fellow Southerners came out in force against "K.I.R.'s" uppity attitude. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Keeping It Real" is living in a fantasy world -- a sad one at that. Our country is made up of all kinds of people. How can he not see the charm in a simple, down-home accent? Using different regional phrases or expressions doesn't make a person stupid or uneducated -- a fact "K.I.R." might understand if he were more educated himself.

I adore my Southern heritage. I love being able to tell the difference between the drawl of someone from the Carolinas versus the Cajun tones of folks from Louisiana. There's richness to those voices. You can almost hear the history by listening to someone speak. I'd much rather hear about "Ma and Pa" than be repeatedly subjected to words like "dude" or "gnarly." All I can say to "K.I.R." is -- bless your heart! -- PROUD BELLE IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ABBY: Why would "K.I.R." assume that because his Southern family doesn't live in an "uneducated" area, their accents are "fake"? His generalizations show how little he knows about the rich and varied Southern culture. He should read Tennessee Williams, Eudora Welty or Truman Capote, or watch a documentary about the South. In other words, educate himself to keep from coming off as embarrassingly shallow in front of his relatives. -- SOUTHERN YANKEE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: The late Lewis Grizzard, an accomplished writer and comedian from Georgia, talked about the differences between Northerners and Southerners in his comedy show. My favorite line about our twang was, "God talks like we do." -- KARLYLE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I had lunch with the CEO of a major corporation. He is Harvard-educated with a doctorate from Berkeley. When he ordered "smashed taters with gravy" no one thought he was a hick. -- SMILING IN SEATTLE

DEAR ABBY: I'm appalled by "K.I.R.'s" pretentious attitude. Anyone spending this much time worrying about the use of "Ma and Pa" clearly has too much time on his hands. He should spend it more constructively, examining why he's so concerned with appearances. -- DAWN IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: I'm guessing the country folk are having fun with him. I have a master's degree in English and can quote Milton and Yeats. But around snobs like this, I'd go all "Jed Clampett" so fast he'd think he's been slogwalloped by a she-critter without no young-uns. -- BRIAN IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: That fool can kiss my grits! -- KAYE IN VIRGINIA