DEAR ABBY: I loaned money to a couple of family members when I was overseas. They had fallen behind on their bills, so I sent them each $1,000 to get caught up.

It's two years later, and I have yet to see a dime from either one of them. I have sent them both letters asking to have "some" money paid back; both sent me excuses about why they can't pay anything. However, on Facebook they write about how they went shopping, joined a gym and so on. I feel I have been taken advantage of. What can I do to get this settled? -- TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF: Try this ... post on your Facebook page: "It's funny what short memories some people have. I loaned 'Tom' and 'Geri' $1,000 two years ago when they fell behind on some bills. Instead of repayment, I have received nothing but excuses -- and all the while I see their postings about shopping at the mall and going to the gym. What DEADBEATS!"

Maybe it will shame your relatives into paying up. (Or not, because some people have no shame.)

DEAR ABBY: Do I have to stop wearing my wedding ring? My husband died three years ago. We had been married 53 years and 12 days. Abby, I pledged "until death do us part." I just can't seem to make myself take off the ring he put on my finger so many years ago.

I'm tired of being told that I "have" to give up something so precious to me. Is there a time limit, or is it OK for me to go ahead with wearing the ring and ignore the people who pester me about taking it off? Maybe a time will come when I'll want to, but not now, not yet. Please give me some sound advice. -- ARIZONA WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. Widows and widowers usually remove their wedding ring at the point when they decide they would like to begin dating again. When they do, some of them choose to move the ring from their left to the right hand. Others put it away as a treasured keepsake.

There is no set time at which your wedding ring "must" come off. If and when you feel the time is right, it will happen -- or not. This is a personal decision that no one can or should make for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 years old, and I'm afraid to kiss! I won't date anyone because I'm afraid my kiss will suffer by comparison. I know no one becomes an expert without practice, but I don't want anyone to be my first kiss.

Several guys are into me, but I can't date them because eventually they'll want to kiss. It would be so embarrassing to be horrible at it. Any advice? -- TOO FREAKED OUT TO MAKE OUT

DEAR FREAKED OUT: Kissing isn't a competitive sport, so stop worrying that you won't measure up. A kiss doesn't have to be the way it's portrayed in the movies, with heavy breathing and mouths agape. Whether a guy wants to kiss you isn't as important as whether you want him to kiss you. If you do, all you have to do is close your eyes, tilt your head a bit to the side and lean in. He will take care of the rest.

I remember my first "real" kiss. I was 12, and my parents had decided to move from Wisconsin to California. I had a crush on a 16-year-old usher at the local movie theater. (He looked so handsome in his uniform!) Two weeks before we were scheduled to leave, I summoned the courage to approach him after a show, told him I was leaving, and asked if he'd give me my first real kiss. Once he got over his visible surprise, he did. It was sweet, gentle, chaste, and I've never forgotten it.

DEAR ABBY: I dislike the prevalence of plastic surgery and Botox in today's society. It sends young people a bad message on body image.

My friend "Liz's" stepmother loudly discussed her own daughter's nose job, chin implant and "boob job" with Liz's teenage daughter while at dinner in a public restaurant where everyone could hear.

My sister "Beth" told her son and daughter she'd gladly pay for new noses for them. They were offended because they are happy with their looks. (At least, they were until their mother denigrated them.)

Both of my sisters have had plastic surgery. They can afford it and that's their business. But they make it our business by publicly congratulating each other on how well they have "aged."

What do you think about this, Abby? Am I right? -- NATURAL WOMAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NATURAL WOMAN: Plastic surgery has been a blessing to many people because it has lifted not only drooping flesh but sagging self-esteem. I see nothing wrong with someone getting a nose job if it will help the person feel more confident. Your sister's offer to pay for her children's rhinoplasty may have had more to do with her own insecurity than either of her children's.

Cosmetic surgery and Botox are facts of life in our society for those who can afford it. Botox is common for both men and women who want to lessen or avoid signs of aging. I think what's upsetting you is your sisters' dishonesty. When they publicly congratulate each other on how well they have aged, they're not only lying to whoever overhears them -- they're also lying to themselves.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and granddaughter are going to be in a wedding scheduled for the summer of 2012. The bride seems to have watched too many wedding shows on TV, because she keeps scheduling bridesmaids luncheons and has required her attendants to go to many bridal expos with her -- even though the vendors have all been booked. The shop where the bridesmaids are buying their dresses is very expensive.

I understand the bride wants it to be a special day, but it's more than a year away and my daughter is a stay-at-home mother of two. She doesn't have the time or money to continue participating in these events. She asked me if she should back out now or level with the bride that some of her requests are a little over the top.

My daughter wants to support her friend, and doesn't want her to think she's trying to run the show by suggesting alternate places to look for less expensive dresses, since she'll have to purchase two. What do I tell her? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDESMAID

DEAR MOTHER: Friends should be able to level with each other -- otherwise they aren't friends, they are acquaintances. If the bride's schedule of events is more than your daughter can handle, she needs to speak up. If the dresses will cause financial hardship, the bride needs to know so she can either scale back the cost or find replacements for whomever is supposed to wear them. If this is not agreeable for the bride, your daughter can "support" her friend with the rest of the wedding guests. She does not have to be a member of the wedding party to do that.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old niece "Tammy" is very shy. When I recently visited my brother's home, she hid in her parents' bedroom behind a closed door. She wouldn't come out to say hi or even speak to me through the door.

Today I was on the phone with my sister-in-law and I asked if I could say hello to Tammy. I was told Tammy had left the room because she didn't want to talk. My sister-in-law then remarked that she has the shiest kids on Earth.

I think Tammy's parents should MAKE her speak to me (or anyone else) in person or on the phone. Am I wrong? -- OUTGOING AUNT IN TEXAS

DEAR OUTGOING AUNT: Tammy's behavior is rude, and her mother is covering for her. If Tammy has such overwhelming social anxiety that she cannot exchange even the briefest social amenities, she needs the help of a therapist to help her overcome it.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in a medical office for a number of years. We all get along like a family and there are rarely any problems. However, something has been bothering me since one of my co-workers' (unmarried) daughter had a baby.

We all bought gifts for the baby and tolerate the many pictures and recitation of day-to-day events of the baby, but now the first birthday is here. I received an invitation and was told what they would like to receive, plus a wallet photo of the child and a larger photo with a magnet on it.

Many of us have grandchildren, but we have never gone overboard this way. I would never impose an invitation on my co-workers to attend any of my grandchildren's birthday parties. My feeling is that grandchildren parties are for families! What to do? -- FRETTING IN OHIO

DEAR FRETTING: Fret no more. Politely decline the invitation and say you have other plans. (You do -- you plan not to attend or be milked for a gift.) Stand firm now, because if you don't, you will be invited to every birthday party the kid has until he or she is an adult.

DEAR ABBY: We are progressive parents, but conservative about social issues. We have a problem on which we disagree and we have agreed to abide by your answer.

Our three children are all in high school. Our older daughter has a good friend -- a boy who is gay. We like him very much and he has visited our home many times. However, our daughter would like to invite him to a sleepover, as she does with her girlfriends.

Is it appropriate for a teenage girl to have a gay boyfriend on a sleepover? -- PUZZLED PARENTS IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR PUZZLED PARENTS: I see no reason why an "out" gay teenage boy shouldn't attend your daughter's sleepover. Their relationship is the same as the ones she has with her girlfriends.

DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks it's OK to read over someone's shoulder. I have tried explaining that I think it's rude, but he says I'm rude for asking him not to do it. He thinks I have something to hide if I tell him to stop. What say you? -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN OHIO

DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: I say you married a man who is insecure and suspicious, and you have my sympathy.