DEAR ABBY: We have a problem -- our pastor. He uses the pulpit to criticize, put people down and offers no compassion. A person can only take so much.

The problem is, if you say anything to him, you can bet the next sermon will be about what you discussed. How can I talk to him without making him angry? -- ALL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE

DEAR A.F. AND B.: Your pastor's behavior gives new meaning to the term "bully pulpit." Rather than approach him yourself, you and others who feel as you do should take your complaint to the governing board of your church. And if that doesn't fix the problem, you should seriously consider finding another "flock" to join because it appears your shepherd has lost his way.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Claude" for eight months. We are planning a trip in the fall to visit his family's chateau in France. Claude has long legs and refuses to travel in coach because it's uncomfortable, so he will buy a business-class ticket for himself and a coach ticket for me.

While I'm grateful Claude is paying for my ticket, I feel that since we're a couple, we should travel together. I don't want to be upgraded to business class necessarily, but I'd like him to sit in coach with me. When I brought this up, he refused and is now calling me "ungrateful."

My feelings are hurt, and Claude can't understand why I am upset. My friends and family think he is acting rude and selfish. I can't help but agree. Do I have a right to be upset? I am so uncomfortable with this arrangement that I'm considering not even going. -- NOT UNGRATEFUL IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR NOT UNGRATEFUL: San Diego to France is a long flight. It's a long time to expect a tall person to fold up like a praying mantis just so you won't be sitting alone in a coach seat on your way to an all-expense-paid vacation. Claude has good reason for wanting to sit in business class. So be a sport and offer to pay for an upgrade to business class and sit with him. I agree that you shouldn't be seated "10 paces behind him," and this way you would both be comfortable.

DEAR ABBY: During this economic recession, may I offer a reminder to your readers who may have their homes on the market and available for showing? Someone entered my home during an open house and rummaged through my drawers. The thief made off with my cherished sapphire engagement ring, an emerald band and several other sentimental pieces.

I'm ashamed for having underestimated people's dishonesty. I never assumed anyone would coldheartedly dig through my clothes and belongings to find hidden valuables -- especially with a Realtor onsite. I'm an emotional wreck over the loss of these precious sentimental keepsakes that I will never see again.

Please remind your readers whose homes are on the market to be smart and remove all valuables from the site before showings. -- DISILLUSIONED IN SAN MARCOS, CALIF.

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way. It's unfortunate, but there are individuals who use open houses to case homes and loot items from trusting homeowners. That's why it's important to not only remove personal financial information, jewelry and other items of value to a secure location where they can't be pilfered, but also any prescription medications from bathrooms before a showing. Any stranger entering the house should sign a registration sheet and show identification before being shown around, and even then no one should be out of the real estate agent's line of sight at any time.

If your property has a "For Sale" sign in front and someone comes to the door, that person should be instructed to phone your agent for an appointment. And by the way, for their own safety, many agents now have a second person on hand so they're not alone in a house with strangers.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson, "Tom," who is in his mid-20s, has become caught up in a "love affair" with an unknown person on the Internet. He never dated during his teens, although his mother told me he once developed a crush on a girl who broke his heart when she rebuffed him.

Now Tom tells me he has found his "true love" online. He says she has told him she's unhappy in her marriage and would divorce her husband if she could afford to do so. I asked him how he could know it was really a woman and not some guy playing a joke on him. He answered, "Grandma, no one could say the things she says to me if she didn't really feel them in her heart."

How can I convince him that this may be nothing more than a cruel scam? -- WORRIED GRANDMA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WORRIED: Your grandson appears to be naive, inexperienced, and unaware of how many people don't tell the whole truth about themselves online. Warn him that if "she" asks him for money to pay for her divorce that it could indeed be a scam. Remind him that even if it's not one, she is cheating on her husband by carrying on an emotional affair with him. And he shouldn't jump in with his whole heart until he knows with whom he's having the pleasure. But you can't safeguard him from being hurt regardless of how much you might wish to do so.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I have suffered from allergy-induced asthma for 10 years. It becomes a problem only on the major holidays when we visit my mother-in-law. She has two cats and poor ventilation in her house. For years, I have followed my doctor's treatment of inhalers and allergy remedies with slight success.

This last year the prevention methods didn't work. My breathing was labored for several hours after leaving my mother-in-law's house. I am now considering not attending these holiday gatherings unless they are held elsewhere. Any suggestions? -- FEELING WELL (FOR NOW) IN BUFFALO

DEAR FEELING WELL (FOR NOW): I don't know how many family members attend these gatherings, but perhaps it's time to suggest to the rest of the family that everyone take turns hosting the holiday events. If they don't already know about your allergy-induced asthma, they should be told. To start the ball rolling, you could host the first event. If that's not acceptable, for the sake of your health, you and your spouse should start some holiday traditions of your own.

DEAR ABBY: I have wanted to write you for some time and never had the courage, but now I really need some advice, so here goes:

I married "Wyatt" five years ago. I have two children from a previous marriage, a 20-year-old (not living at home) and a 17-year-old son who has just left because of my husband. I love my children dearly, and I did love Wyatt. But every hurtful, spiteful, mean thing he has said to them has slowly chipped away at any feelings that I had for him.

Abby, I want to leave my husband and get an apartment for myself and my son. How do I do it? How do I tell him I want out without starting a war? -- NEEDS ANSWERS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEEDS: Because your husband is hurtful, spiteful and mean, you will need to protect yourself before telling him the marriage is over. Prepare an escape plan in advance. You will need money, any financial information you can gather and the help of an attorney. And contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline -- (800) 799-7233 -- for guidance on how to safely make your exit.

DEAR ABBY: My dilemma is how to deal with rude, obnoxious children whose parents allow them to get away with bad behavior. In my home, I have learned to tactfully tell the kids, "We don't jump on couches, bang on pianos or turn the TV on and off." However, what do I do when visiting a parent whose 8-year-old constantly butts into the conversation and tells the parent and me to be quiet? Of course, the parent stops the conversation and gives in to the child! Do I just suffer through this annoyance, or is there something I can say or do? -- TIRED OF BAD BEHAVIOR IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TIRED: You can suffer through the annoyance and grit your teeth, or socialize with the parent while the child is in school or involved in some other activity. Or, schedule your visit away from the parent's home and when the child is with a sitter. As a last resort, manage to see less of the parent until the child becomes a teenager and is no longer constantly underfoot and competing for attention. But do not criticize a child's behavior in the home of his or her parent.