DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Turned Off in Texas" (May 18) caught my attention. While I agree that putting a toilet brush in the dishwasher with the dishes was unexpected and off-putting -- we don't ever want to link the toilet with our food -- I think your answer showed a little overreaction. Running the dishes in another cycle should take care of any concerns as long as the water is hot.

Studies have shown that the inside of the average public toilet bowl is not as bacteria-laden as a public drinking fountain. Our disgust is emotional, not likely fact-based. As I told a colleague during his wife's baby shower, you have to believe in the power of soap and water or you won't survive parenthood.

While it's worthwhile for "Turned Off" to tell his stepdaughter that this practice is unacceptable to him, it is no reason not to eat at her house -- unless she'd not cooking food properly. -- FACTS OVER EMOTION IN MIAMI

DEAR FACTS: Thank you for your letter. Frankly, I was as grossed out by what "Turned Off" saw his stepdaughter do as he was. So it surprised me to find that many of my readers weren't as affected by the "ew" factor. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It's possible that what "Turned Off" perceived to be a toilet brush was never used for cleaning a toilet. I bought a brand-new toilet scrubber to keep under the kitchen sink. I use it only for cleaning the garbage disposal. Afterward, I wash it in the sink, not the dishwasher. Let's give the stepdaughter the benefit of the doubt. Things are not always what they appear to be. -- NOT DISGUSTED IN ARCADIA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I can top the letter from the gentleman who said his stepdaughter, after cleaning his house when his wife fell ill, put the toilet brush in the dishwasher. My daughter has a close friend who told her she and her husband put the cat's litterbox in the dishwasher when they want to clean it. I was mortified, as was my daughter. You'd never guess it -- she's an otherwise clean-appearing person. Well, needless to say, we no longer eat at this woman's home. -- ANONYMOUS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: I clean houses for a living and I thought it was a smart way to wash that scrubber. The dishwasher uses scalding hot water that kills all germs. In addition, most toilet cleansers contain bleach, so there is little chance germs could survive on the brush. If you're still concerned, you could run it through the dishwasher separately. -- TERESA IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired doctor. I have been in the Army, slept in the woods and eaten three-day-old food -- so I know a little bit about germs. The hot water and soap will take care of any bacteria on the brush. (It's unaesthetic, but not unsanitary.) The brush will be as clean as your hands are when you wash them after using the toilet. I would be happy to eat off the plates that came out of that dishwasher. -- DR. M. IN NAPLES, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: We bought a new toilet seat a few years back, and on the instructions it stated that it was "dishwasher safe." That made me think at the time, "Who in their right mind would remove a toilet seat in order to run it through the dishwasher, and why would they want to?" -- L.O.L. IN ANDERSON, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee and happy with my life. I'm healthy, have a great job, wonderful grown children, many good friends and several hobbies I enjoy. I'm busy and every day is full.

My issue is the way some people treat the fact that I'm "solo." When they see me, they ask whether I have a man in my life yet, and when I say I don't, they look downcast and offer me their sympathy.

Please tell your readers that for a woman to be solo isn't a tragedy. Certainly, I hope one day to meet someone wonderful to share my life with, but until then I'm happy to be on my own. I'm doing great and I don't like people treating me as if my being single is some sort of failure. -- PARTY OF ONE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR PARTY OF ONE: If I had to wager, I would bet the people you've described are older. For people in their generation there was social and economic pressure to couple up and be married. With more women completing their education and earning enough to live well on their own, there is less of that pressure today.

I'm passing your message along, but try to remember that the folks you're encountering mean well -- even if their way of expressing it is outdated and clumsy.

DEAR ABBY: A new church member joined our group. She's the nicest, most generous, genuinely kind person, and she is loved and appreciated by all.

The problem is, she reeks with an awful body odor. She breeds dogs, and the smell is ingrained in her clothing, hair, car, etc. She always volunteers to work in the kitchen, and yesterday she did -- in spite of my having politely told her we had enough volunteers. Many of the people didn't want what she touched, including me. How should we approach telling her about her body odor without offending or hurting her? -- CONFUSED CHRISTIAN IN DETROIT

DEAR CONFUSED CHRISTIAN: The woman's strong body odor may be because of poor hygiene or her profession, but it could also be a symptom of illness. Someone should talk to her about it. To do so would be doing her a favor and not hurtful. The person I'm nominating for that job would be your minister.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man I'll call Eugene for many years. We have both been married before and we both have children. We're engaged, but if I marry him, I know I will never be No. 1 in his life. His children and family will always come first.

I don't know what his former wife did to him, but shouldn't your spouse rank somewhere at the top? I have a lot of time invested in this relationship. His children have no connection with me at all. This doesn't bother Eugene. It bothers me greatly. Can these types of issues be worked out? -- FRIEND WITHOUT BENEFITS

DEAR FRIEND: Yes, if you and Eugene are willing to admit there are issues that need to be worked out and are willing to get premarital counseling. While Eugene's children -- and yours -- might always come first, if you are going to have a successful marriage you should rank right up there with them. While you may never have an emotional tie with his children, you deserve to be treated with the same kindness and respect that you give them. And if that's not happening, Eugene should insist upon it.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Beth," has finally found her "Mr. Right" after almost 35 years of singlehood. She is being married soon and I am thrilled for her. Over the last 15 years, I have been her sounding board. I have been through every date, every kiss, every heartbreak and every broken engagement with a string of men.

Beth has invited me to the wedding, but she hasn't asked me to stand up for her. Because we live 2,000 miles apart, we talk frequently on the phone and I keep waiting for her to ask, but she never brings up the subject. It's like the elephant in the living room. Beth knows I can afford the trip, so money isn't a concern. Should I tell her my feelings are hurt or ask her who is going to stand up for her? Or should I follow my husband's advice and just "let it go"? -- BROKEN-HEARTED FRIEND IN OREGON

DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED FRIEND: You may be close friends with Beth, but it's presumptuous to expect you have the right to dictate who should be in her wedding party. Please don't lay a guilt trip on her by saying your feelings are hurt. A better way to have your question answered would be to ask who they plan to have in their wedding party. Then once you have your answer, take your husband's advice. Let it go and don't let it destroy a long-term relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Eric," has a fear of heights. He doesn't like glass elevators, never uses hotel balconies or drives on winding mountain roads. His parents were the same way.

The problem is he won't allow our young daughter to stand on the balcony, and he recently cut down our favorite mature tree because he was afraid our little girl would fall out of it. How can I stop my husband from passing on his phobia to our daughter? I have been patient with him, but cutting down the tree told me he has gone off the deep end. Please help. -- RATIONAL WIFE

DEAR RATIONAL WIFE: A phobia is defined as "an inexplicable or illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects or situation." There's nothing illogical about keeping a small child off a balcony or out of a tall tree. However, cutting down the tree was an overreaction.

As much as Eric loves the child, he can't protect her from everything he perceives as a possible danger. He could have accomplished his goal of keeping her safe by impressing upon her that tree-climbing is dangerous -- something that's off-limits -- and explaining exactly why.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a waitress for many years. Some of my past employers have had policies regarding discussing our tips. My current job has no such policy.

One of my co-workers likes to let everyone know how much he earns. I don't hear anyone else announcing their tips. Someone will always make less, and won't find it helpful having it confirmed out loud.

I don't know how to let my co-worker know this without seeming like I'm being critical. Your advice would be appreciated. -- WAITRESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WAITRESS: It's never a good idea to brag about money because it can create resentment among co-workers. Because your restaurant has no policy regarding this, speak to the manager about establishing one. Or, post this column on the employee bulletin board for all to see.