DEAR ABBY: I'm running out of energy to compassionately relate with all the addicts and mentally ill people in my family. My mother is an alcoholic. My aunt is bipolar and schizophrenic. She is addicted to and abusing prescription painkillers and anti-anxiety medicines.

My husband is an alcoholic in denial who lies about his alcohol consumption, and my stepmother is mentally abusive and, I strongly suspect, also bipolar. These people are all retired, while I work a physically and mentally demanding full-time job.

I'm usually the one who is blamed when things don't go right. Mother asked me to remove all alcohol from her home so she could stop drinking. When I didn't find it all, it was my fault she drank. I escorted my aunt on a cruise during which she abused drugs to the point she could barely walk, and I had to find her wheelchairs at every stop. Now I hear she is blaming me for her illness.

When my husband drinks, he runs up our credit card to the tune of $20,000. My job with medical benefits allowed him to retire from his job. My stepmother no longer communicates with my brother and me and seems to be alienating my father from his family.

I'm exhausted! I don't think I can take much more. I know you'll tell me to see a counselor, but I'm the one who has the full-time job and little vacation/sick time I can use. Short of "divorcing" all of them and starting a new life in an undisclosed location, what advice can you offer? -- NEARLY SUCKED DRY

DEAR NEARLY: Since you can't get away to see a counselor because of the demands of your job, pick up a couple of books on co-dependency and read them cover-to-cover. Then practice protecting yourself by learning to say "No!" when an alcoholic makes you responsible for clearing the booze out of her house, or a drug-addicted relative invites you to take a "vacation" that guarantees you'll become her nurse. Discuss with a lawyer how to separate your finances from your deadbeat husband so he can't dig you deeper into debt the next time he chooses to go on a bender. You don't have to "divorce" anyone as long as you learn how to draw the line.

P.S. Al-Anon can be reached toll-free at (888) 4AL-ANON ((888) 425-2666). There are meetings at various times in many locations. Check it out.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is always late sending birthday presents to my kids -- sometimes up to a month or two after their birthdays. I find it disrespectful and a bad example, so I asked that she either send them on time or not at all. It did no good. She complained that I am being "unfair to hold her to a deadline."

My sister has all year to plan around these events, and I feel she needs to be more responsible. It's affecting our relationship. Please advise. -- CALENDAR GAL, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR CALENDAR GIRL: If you could see all of the letters I receive from readers complaining that they receive no gifts, you would realize that your children are lucky to be remembered. While I agree that sending birthday presents as long as a month or two after the fact sends a message that their special day is not of primary importance to your sister, please do not let this create a rift. Explain to your children that Auntie loves them, but she is extremely disorganized. (A "ditz"!)

DEAR ABBY: I'm in middle school. I have had a few boyfriends since I started here. I try my best to look OK each day, but I always find a flaw in the way I look or act. Sometimes I find it hard to trust guys when they tell me I'm pretty. I have low self-esteem, so it's hard for me to believe them. Can you please help me learn to trust people and be comfortable with my body? -- AWKWARD IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR AWKWARD: If it's any comfort, 99 percent of girls your age feel the same way you do. Your body is still a work in progress because you're not finished developing yet. Believe it or not, no one is as preoccupied with your looks and perceived "flaws" as you are, so please try to be a little kinder to yourself and less critical.

There is truth to the old saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." By that I mean -- if people tell you you're attractive, that is the way you appear to them. So just smile and say, "Thank you for saying that." Accept the compliment, but don't rely on it to gauge your self-worth. Concentrate on developing your personality and your mind, and you'll be on a path to success in everything you do.

DEAR ABBY: My son is in the process of being divorced from his wife after only four short years. Before they married, I gave him an engagement ring and wedding band that had been in our family for years. Now that they are divorcing, I'd like to have him get the rings back.

Is this an acceptable request? -- HURTING MOTHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR HURTING MOTHER: Engagement rings and wedding rings are gifts that are given with the promise of marriage. The heirloom rings are now the property of your soon-to-be-ex-daughter-in-law. Depending upon your relationship with her, you could ask for them back or offer to buy them from her. She may be more receptive to the offer if she hears it from you rather than your son. However, they are hers to keep or dispose of as she wishes.

DEAR ABBY: My husband lost his job in November. Since the holidays, none of our friends has asked us to go out again. I don't know if they feel bad about talking about their work or if they think we can't afford it, but I'm really lonely.

We've invited friends a few times, but I get weary of making all the effort. A night out laughing with friends would be nice; so would being remembered. What should we do? -- LONELY HEART CLUB

DEAR LONELY: Your friends may be uncomfortable for the reasons you mentioned, or feel guilty because they are not experiencing the struggle that you are. Of course, the answer is to keep reaching out. But I will add this: The time for people to step forward and be supportive is when someone they care about needs it. That's what true friendship is all about. And with the rate of unemployment in this country what it is today -- "do unto others ..."

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol when someone is asking to see his mother's will while she is still in good health? -- PONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PONDERING: The two most difficult subjects to discuss are death and money, both of which come into play when the topic of wills comes up. A wise and compassionate parent will discuss this with her (or his) children so there won't be any surprises when the eventual happens.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher with a dilemma. I have taught for 10 years and connected with thousands of former students. With the Internet and social networking, I am able to keep in touch with many of them. I enjoy knowing what they're doing in their college careers and beyond.

One student I've kept in touch with recently admitted his romantic love for me. "Kyle" is now in his 20s and on his own. As his teacher 10 years ago, I'd never have dreamed of this happening. What's difficult is I think I reciprocate those feelings. I never expected the man I connect with most to be a former student, but Kyle is an adult and I know him as such.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm aware of my professional boundaries as a teacher and would never cross those lines with a student or minor. What do you do when your former student is an adult, you live in a small town and you're drawn to each other? This could be the love I've been waiting for my entire life. Would it be totally inappropriate if I followed my heart? -- WONDERING IN WYOMING

DEAR WONDERING: No. Because Kyle is an adult, and when he was your student there was no flirting (I presume), I see nothing unethical about pursuing the relationship. However, if your romance becomes fodder for gossip -- and it very well might -- you should be prepared to relocate.

DEAR ABBY: I went to the zoo with my daughter's class as a chaperone. While we were there, I saw several children begin climbing the walls of some of the exhibits. They were not part of the group from our school. I promptly asked the children "nicely" not to climb on the exhibits for fear they would hurt themselves or fall in.

A parent who heard me ask her son to get down began yelling and cursing at me in front of my daughter and the other children. I said, "I'm sorry," and walked on.

I don't feel I did anything wrong. I was trying to warn the boy that what he was doing was dangerous. Did I do the wrong thing? Or should I have talked to a member of the zoo staff about what happened? Please advise what you would do if someone's child did what I witnessed. -- VIGILANT PARENT IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR VIGILANT PARENT: Candidly, I probably would have reflexively done exactly what you did -- get the child out of harm's way. However, the prudent way to handle a situation like the one you encountered would have been to alert the zoo staff or security personnel so they could handle it.

DEAR ABBY: In our golfing circle there's a single, 47-year-old professional woman with two children. We thought we knew her. Come to find out, she has been involved for the last five years with a married man who has a child.

We're uncomfortable having her around us now. None of us is perfect, but a woman who would take another's man and wreck a home is one thing most women can't stand. What, if anything, should we do? -- TEE'D OFF IN ALABAMA

DEAR TEE'D OFF: Before deciding what to do, talk privately with the woman, tell her what you have learned and hear what she has to say about it. After that, you'll know what (or what not) to do.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)