DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl in my first year of high school. I'm not sure what to do about boys or how to make friends. All I ever learned at home was what not to do.

I'm not allowed to date until I'm 16, but I really like this boy in my math class. What should I do? I'm so confused. My parents have protected me against things for so long, and I've had to learn from my friends' and my mistakes. I wonder sometimes if I have to be obedient to my parents or if I should make my own choices. Help! -- DATELESS AND CLUELESS IN NEVADA

DEAR DATELESS: At 14 it's normal to have a crush on a classmate. It's also normal for your parents to want to protect you. You say you have had to learn from your friends' and your own mistakes. That's normal, too. It's how we all learn about life.

Until you're old enough to date, become active in events at school. It's a healthy way to make friends and learn social skills. And continue being obedient to your parents. That's how teens build enough trust so that their parents gain the confidence to give them more freedom.

DEAR ABBY: "Carl" and I have been married 23 happy years. He's a great guy, an awesome dad to our teenage girls and an excellent provider. There's only one problem. Lately he's boring.

Carl doesn't have a physically demanding job, so he can't blame it on being tired. I always make the plans for entertainment because if I didn't, we'd never go anywhere or do anything. When we go out, I feel like he's just along for the ride and would rather be home in front of the TV.

I can see he tries to enjoy himself when we're with friends, but when I ask him afterward, he says, "It was OK," or, "They're not my favorite people." When I ask if he'd like to plan the next outing, he says he's happy just staying home.

I work, go to school and have a busy life, but I need more in it and I'd like to include my husband. My friends are all couples so, naturally, I'd like to have Carl at my side. Whatever I suggest for fun, he's never enthusiastic about any of it. If I have to stay home one more Friday night and watch a movie on pay-per-view, I'll scream! Please help. -- TIRED OF FRIDAY NIGHT BLUES

DEAR TIRED: You say "lately" your husband is boring. What was he like before that? A man who is listless, lethargic and disengaged should see his doctor to make sure there is nothing physically wrong and if he could be suffering from a mild depression. Suggest he have a physical and, if possible, go with him so you can voice your concerns.

If nothing is wrong with Carl, you two need to find some activity you can do together that you both will enjoy -- something that doesn't involve either television or people your husband doesn't particularly relate to.

DEAR ABBY: My son's fiancee doesn't care what I wear to their wedding, or what color it is. She says she "knows" I'll wear something great.

The wedding will be in September in the afternoon. It should be warm then. They have chosen bright green and bright baby blue as their colors. I don't want to wear either one.

Would an ivory or champagne dress be appropriate? I was raised "old school" and need to know. -- MOTHER OF THE GROOM

DEAR MOTHER OF THE GROOM: Wearing ivory might not be advisable because it is so close to white. However, a dress in a champagne color or pale blue or pale green would be acceptable.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: While I am not from the South, many of my relatives are. They all were raised in medium to large cities, not rural areas. I'm embarrassed when they use crude terms and call their parents "Ma" and "Pa" in public. These are well-educated people, but they come across sounding like hicks and buffoons.

They think it's funny, but no one outside our family does. If someone laughs with them, it's because of embarrassment or discomfort. No one else is willing to speak up and when I try to, they make me feel like I'm a spoiled brat.

If these people were from rural areas or uneducated/uncultured I'd understand, but they're not. The sound of their "fake hickness" is like fingernails on a chalkboard! Please help. -- KEEPING IT REAL IN LAGUNA BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: I'm sorry that visits from your relatives are so painful for you. However, I see nothing wrong with calling one's parents "Ma" and "Pa" if those are the names they have been called all their lives. Believe me, I have heard parents called much worse.

The best advice I can offer would be for you to grow a thicker skin and, if that doesn't work, spend less time with your relatives. With your attitude, you'll be doing them a favor.

DEAR ABBY: Should I be a bridesmaid in my best friend "Carla's" ex-husband's wedding? I'm still friends with him, which is fine with Carla. I have also become quite close to his fiancee, "Jenny." We have a lot in common and have been hanging out for some time. Jenny has asked me to be in her wedding.

I haven't talked to Carla yet to see how she'd feel about it. I don't feel like she'll be completely honest with me. Would I be stabbing her in the back if I'm in the wedding? I need advice, and quick -- the wedding is soon! -- FRIENDS WITH EVERYBODY

DEAR F.W.E.: Because you're concerned about Carla's reaction to your being a part of her ex-husband's wedding, you should address your question to her. My gut reaction is that if it feels to you like it could be stabbing her in the back, it might be perceived that way.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for office romances? I have seen so many flings and love affairs go on. Sometimes it's fine, but other times it has caused a big distraction.

A supervisor dating a subordinate is probably frowned upon, but what if they're in different departments? Should an office romance be kept secret, or out in the open so rumors won't spread? I have never been a part of this, but I have seen plenty. What's right and wrong? -- CURIOUS IN THE CUBICLE

DEAR CURIOUS: There is no "protocol." Most companies discourage office romances because they're a distraction and make workers less efficient. If they happen between a supervisor and a subordinate and it doesn't work out, it could lead to accusations of sexual harassment and an expensive lawsuit. So while the temptation may be there, what's "right" is to avoid them and what's "wrong" is to indulge in one because it's risky business.

DEAR ABBY: When closing window blinds for the night, is it normal or proper to close them with the blades or slats in the upward or downward position? My wife and I disagree on this. I maintain they should be closed in the upward position. What do you or the experts say? -- IN THE DARK IN TEXAS

DEAR IN THE DARK: I have never encountered this question, so my staff and I experimented with the mini-blinds in our office, which has many windows. Tilting the slats up blocked more light than when we tilted them down. However, this is not a question of what is "normal" or "proper." It's a matter of what works best for you.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died four years ago. He and Mom had many friends and did everything together, including raising nine children.

Mom was always in charge of things. Dad reinforced any decisions she made and vice versa. Since his death, Mom has become progressively more bitter. Eight children are alive today, and we all avoid her if we can. She cries because no one stops by to see her, but if we do, she has a long chore list waiting. I have my own home, work two jobs and don't want what little time I have with her spent working as her slave.

If by chance I feel brave enough to take her out in public, she embarrasses me with her verbal outbursts. She waits until I start to pay, then asks loudly, "Are you sure you have enough money in the bank to pay for that?" Another time, she stopped a complete stranger, told him I was single and asked if he wanted to know my bra size!

I have tried talking to her. She just gets mad and makes my life even more miserable. Mom will be 70 in a few months. I want to enjoy her and what time we have left together, but I find myself running away from her wrath! I don't want to live without her, but I don't want to live with her, either. Please tell me what to do. -- DRIVEN AWAY IN GEORGIA

DEAR DRIVEN AWAY: Was your mother always this way? If not, please understand that she may be seriously ill. You have described some symptoms of the onset of dementia. Instead of shunning her, you and your siblings need to encourage her to see her doctor because she needs a thorough physical and neurological examination. Offering you to a strange man was extremely inappropriate, and her chore list may indicate that she's no longer able to do what's on it for herself.

Your mother needs all of you right now. Go with her to the doctor, and be sure her physician knows what's been going on. It may take insistence from all of you to get her there. Please don't let her down. You have my sympathy and so does she.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single dad of three kids. For the past three years I have promised to take them to Disney World. The first year, my youngest got sick and had to have surgery. The following year, I had a stroke and was laid up for a while. This year, as I was on my way to get the tickets, my car broke down.

I work so hard to give my kids what they need, but I can't give them a vacation they can remember for the rest of their lives. I feel like I have let them down. How can I make this feeling go away? -- NO MAGIC FOR US IN OHIO

DEAR NO MAGIC: For one thing, stop beating yourself up over circumstances that are beyond your control. As a single parent, you are giving your children love, support and memories of a caring father that will last a lifetime. You'll take them to Disney World at a time when it is feasible. Until then, forgive yourself for not having been able to deliver on your promise immediately.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)