DEAR ABBY: While I am not from the South, many of my relatives are. They all were raised in medium to large cities, not rural areas. I'm embarrassed when they use crude terms and call their parents "Ma" and "Pa" in public. These are well-educated people, but they come across sounding like hicks and buffoons.

They think it's funny, but no one outside our family does. If someone laughs with them, it's because of embarrassment or discomfort. No one else is willing to speak up and when I try to, they make me feel like I'm a spoiled brat.

If these people were from rural areas or uneducated/uncultured I'd understand, but they're not. The sound of their "fake hickness" is like fingernails on a chalkboard! Please help. -- KEEPING IT REAL IN LAGUNA BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: I'm sorry that visits from your relatives are so painful for you. However, I see nothing wrong with calling one's parents "Ma" and "Pa" if those are the names they have been called all their lives. Believe me, I have heard parents called much worse.

The best advice I can offer would be for you to grow a thicker skin and, if that doesn't work, spend less time with your relatives. With your attitude, you'll be doing them a favor.

DEAR ABBY: Should I be a bridesmaid in my best friend "Carla's" ex-husband's wedding? I'm still friends with him, which is fine with Carla. I have also become quite close to his fiancee, "Jenny." We have a lot in common and have been hanging out for some time. Jenny has asked me to be in her wedding.

I haven't talked to Carla yet to see how she'd feel about it. I don't feel like she'll be completely honest with me. Would I be stabbing her in the back if I'm in the wedding? I need advice, and quick -- the wedding is soon! -- FRIENDS WITH EVERYBODY

DEAR F.W.E.: Because you're concerned about Carla's reaction to your being a part of her ex-husband's wedding, you should address your question to her. My gut reaction is that if it feels to you like it could be stabbing her in the back, it might be perceived that way.

DEAR ABBY: Should I be a bridesmaid in my best friend "Carla's" ex-husband's wedding? I'm still friends with him, which is fine with Carla. I have also become quite close to his fiancee, "Jenny." We have a lot in common and have been hanging out for some time. Jenny has asked me to be in her wedding.

I haven't talked to Carla yet to see how she'd feel about it. I don't feel like she'll be completely honest with me. Would I be stabbing her in the back if I'm in the wedding? I need advice, and quick -- the wedding is soon! -- FRIENDS WITH EVERYBODY

DEAR F.W.E.: Because you're concerned about Carla's reaction to your being a part of her ex-husband's wedding, you should address your question to her. My gut reaction is that if it feels to you like it could be stabbing her in the back, it might be perceived that way.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for office romances? I have seen so many flings and love affairs go on. Sometimes it's fine, but other times it has caused a big distraction.

A supervisor dating a subordinate is probably frowned upon, but what if they're in different departments? Should an office romance be kept secret, or out in the open so rumors won't spread? I have never been a part of this, but I have seen plenty. What's right and wrong? -- CURIOUS IN THE CUBICLE

DEAR CURIOUS: There is no "protocol." Most companies discourage office romances because they're a distraction and make workers less efficient. If they happen between a supervisor and a subordinate and it doesn't work out, it could lead to accusations of sexual harassment and an expensive lawsuit. So while the temptation may be there, what's "right" is to avoid them and what's "wrong" is to indulge in one because it's risky business.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died four years ago. He and Mom had many friends and did everything together, including raising nine children.

Mom was always in charge of things. Dad reinforced any decisions she made and vice versa. Since his death, Mom has become progressively more bitter. Eight children are alive today, and we all avoid her if we can. She cries because no one stops by to see her, but if we do, she has a long chore list waiting. I have my own home, work two jobs and don't want what little time I have with her spent working as her slave.

If by chance I feel brave enough to take her out in public, she embarrasses me with her verbal outbursts. She waits until I start to pay, then asks loudly, "Are you sure you have enough money in the bank to pay for that?" Another time, she stopped a complete stranger, told him I was single and asked if he wanted to know my bra size!

I have tried talking to her. She just gets mad and makes my life even more miserable. Mom will be 70 in a few months. I want to enjoy her and what time we have left together, but I find myself running away from her wrath! I don't want to live without her, but I don't want to live with her, either. Please tell me what to do. -- DRIVEN AWAY IN GEORGIA

DEAR DRIVEN AWAY: Was your mother always this way? If not, please understand that she may be seriously ill. You have described some symptoms of the onset of dementia. Instead of shunning her, you and your siblings need to encourage her to see her doctor because she needs a thorough physical and neurological examination. Offering you to a strange man was extremely inappropriate, and her chore list may indicate that she's no longer able to do what's on it for herself.

Your mother needs all of you right now. Go with her to the doctor, and be sure her physician knows what's been going on. It may take insistence from all of you to get her there. Please don't let her down. You have my sympathy and so does she.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single dad of three kids. For the past three years I have promised to take them to Disney World. The first year, my youngest got sick and had to have surgery. The following year, I had a stroke and was laid up for a while. This year, as I was on my way to get the tickets, my car broke down.

I work so hard to give my kids what they need, but I can't give them a vacation they can remember for the rest of their lives. I feel like I have let them down. How can I make this feeling go away? -- NO MAGIC FOR US IN OHIO

DEAR NO MAGIC: For one thing, stop beating yourself up over circumstances that are beyond your control. As a single parent, you are giving your children love, support and memories of a caring father that will last a lifetime. You'll take them to Disney World at a time when it is feasible. Until then, forgive yourself for not having been able to deliver on your promise immediately.

DEAR ABBY: I started a relationship with a co-worker. We went out for several months, and I found myself really enjoying his company. The feeling was mutual. After several months I told him I was developing feelings for him, more than just friends. He told me he was gay. I was shocked, saddened and angry all at the same time, but we went on to develop an even stronger friendship.

I have fallen in love with him, but I have had counseling and I believe those feelings are in check. We have a special bond that's hard to explain. For lack of a better term, we have used the words "soul mate" to describe this feeling. He has even said he would like a lifelong commitment with me and has thought about marrying me. He said holding hands, walks on the beach and romantic things aren't a problem for him to share with me, but he cannot offer me anything sexual.

He wants to share his life with me. We aren't kids -- we're in our 40s and 50s. He's a wonderful man, and I do want him in my life. Is it wrong to think about a future with him? -- CONFUSED ON WHAT TO DO

DEAR CONFUSED: It's not wrong to think about it. But while you're thinking, consider carefully how important sex is to you. Some, not all, women would be content with what he's offering. But what if you should meet someone? You also need to know whether this man is ready, willing and capable of forgoing a sexual relationship with a man. How would you feel about it if he met someone?

My advice is not to make a decision this important alone. Check in with your therapist and examine all of your feelings there. Also, contact the Straight Spouse Network, which was mentioned in a recent column, and talk frankly with others who are involved in mixed relationships. You'll find it online at � HYPERLINK "http://www.StraightSpouse.org" ��www.StraightSpouse.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up thinking my mother was a good cook. Now that I'm married and have lived away from home for 10 years, I realize that Mom, with all her good intentions, was an awful cook. She was never adventurous, prefers canned and frozen foods, no vegetables and highly processed grains. I have chosen a completely opposite path and buy lots of natural, unprocessed fresh foods.

As a result, I now cook all the holiday meals -- with Mom helping with the prep and small tasks. I have tried to encourage her to eat better and expand her horizons, but it isn't sinking in. Every time we have dinner at her house, I feel like I have just eaten at a fast-food establishment.

I don't want to be a control freak and say, "My way with dinners at my house only," but I'm struggling to find a compromise when she wants to "treat" us to dinner at her place. Suggestions? -- FOODIE IN COLORADO

DEAR FOODIE: It's one thing to be a "foodie" and another to be a food snob. A "fast-food" meal once every few weeks won't kill you, so be a sport and let your mom reciprocate. And the next day, return to your normal routine to make up for it.

DEAR ABBY: How do you politely refuse letting someone borrow something when he or she asks? Even if it's your best friend or a relative?

In the past, I have loaned items that were not returned in their original condition, or it was a pain in the neck to get them back in a timely manner when I needed them for myself. Help, please! -- TOO UNSELFISH IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR TOO UNSELFISH: Here's how. Smile and tell the person you no longer lend items to anyone, because they have been returned damaged or late, so that is now your "policy." Period.