DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my husband of 35 years is gay. I never suspected and I am stunned. I have loved him since we met. I still do. I have never been interested in anyone else. We have three children and eight grandchildren who all adore him.

I learned his secret from an email he left on the computer screen. It took a few days, but I confronted him and he told me everything. He has been with men since before our marriage. He assured me he has never done anything that could have caused me to get a disease. I went for an examination and I'm fine.

I'm lost about what my next step should be. I'm in my late 50s. Starting over isn't something I ever considered. I'm seeing a therapist who suggested it might be simpler to consider myself a widow. I have no interest in having sex with my husband again, but being apart from him terrifies me. I feel like I'm in prison. Have you any suggestions? -- HELPLESS IN MIAMI

DEAR HELPLESS: You are not "in prison" and you're not "helpless." You're probably in shock, knowing your husband deceived you from the time you met him. That's understandable. My advice is to do nothing until you regain some sense of balance.

Finding that email was no accident. Consciously or unconsciously, your husband wanted you to see it. That you no longer want to have sex with him isn't surprising. Some things to consider: Does he still want to have sex with you? How do you feel about having sex with anyone? Is your husband involved with more than one person or just one? And does he want to stay married?

Some women (and men) remain married to their bisexual spouse. Others marry people they know are gay. I do not agree with your therapist that you should "consider yourself a widow," unless you want to be married to the living dead.

Before making any decision about your future, you should contact the Straight Spouse Network. It's a confidential support network of current or former heterosexual spouses or partners of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates. It helps straight spouses or partners cope constructively with the coming-out crisis and assists mixed-orientation couples and their children to build bridges of understanding. The phone number is (201) 825-7763 and the website is www.StraightSpouse.org. I wish you luck on your journey.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old woman. When I was 4, my mom went to prison for eight years. It turned her life around. At 38, she now has a college degree, a loving husband, a good job and a new home.

My two younger sisters say they don't want to be part of Mom's life, but they never fail to call her at holiday and birthday time to pick up the gifts they know she has bought them. Afterward, they don't contact her or answer her calls and texts until the next holiday. It leaves Mom depressed and feeling used. I have tried telling them they're wrong, but they don't listen. They say I'm wrong for getting in their business. Is it wrong to want my mother to be happy? -- DAUGHTER ON THE OUTSIDE

DEAR DAUGHTER: I don't blame your mother for feeling depressed and used. Your two younger sisters are manipulative, selfish and self-centered. However, your mother is enabling them to behave that way. Talk to her and suggest family counseling. She may be giving and giving out of guilt, they may be taking and taking in order to punish her, and that's not healthy for any of them.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Julie," came home for the weekend so we could meet her new boyfriend, "Scott." He's a delightful young man, and my daughter is clearly smitten.

When I suggested Scott sleep in the guest room, Julie and my wife gave me this perplexed look as though I'm from a different planet. In the end, I was deeply disappointed that they shared a bedroom. After 30 years of marriage, this created the first disagreement between my wife and me in a long time.

I'm no prude. My wife and I had our share of premarital mambo, but we always slept in separate rooms while visiting our families before we were married. It was about respect for our parents' feelings.

Julie spends a lot of time with Scott's family where they share a room. My wife is afraid if we don't provide common accommodations in our home, our daughter will be less inclined to visit.

I welcome your thoughts, Abby. Is expecting some sense of propriety being a curmudgeonly father? -- STUMPED AND TRUMPED IN OHIO

DEAR STUMPED AND TRUMPED: You didn't mention how long Julie and Scott have been involved, or whether they're living together -- which might have had some bearing on this. However, I keep coming back to the fact that under your roof, guests should abide by your rules. If you prefer that unmarried couples sleep apart in your home, then your feelings should have been respected. And for your wife to wimp out for the reason you stated is just sad.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a company that processes orders from a store at a local mall. I handle these orders and have run into an embarrassing problem. Our customers come from every imaginable ethnic background. When I take a look at some of the names on the work orders, I can't even begin to pronounce them.

It's my job to call these customers back to verify details and schedule installations, so what should I do? Is it more polite to try to sound out the name and wait to be corrected, or to apologize right off the bat and ask the proper pronunciation? -- TONGUE-TIED IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR TONGUE-TIED: To lead off the conversation by stating that you don't know how to pronounce someone's name could be extremely off-putting. It would be better to sound it out, syllable by syllable, and try to pronounce it -- adding, "If I have mispronounced your name, please correct me." (It probably won't be the first time the person has heard it.)

DEAR ABBY: I have several old Bibles that are literally falling apart. What's the proper way of disposing of Bibles? It seems wrong to just throw them in the trash or burn them. -- ROBERT IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR ROBERT: The answer to your question depends upon the religion to which you belong. According to my experts, Protestants can dispose of an old Bible by giving it to someone or by throwing it away if they're comfortable doing that -- the paper and ink are not "holy." Old Bibles can also be given to a Bible bookstore or Bible book society for refurbishing or disposal.

Catholics can either burn or bury old Bibles.

Jewish people should call a temple or Jewish cemetery and ask if it has a "genizah" -- a special place to bury books with the name of God in them. (When the genizah is filled, it will be closed and buried.)

Persons of other religions should consult their religious authority governing the accepted manner of disposing of holy books.

DEAR ABBY: Your mother's recipes occasionally have been printed in your column. However, there is one of the best that I have never seen yet. It's her "St. James' Baked Beans." If you have never tried it before, then the greatest taste sensation has been missed. I am always invited back to any party -- provided I bring the beans. I have always given your mom full credit for the recipe and have never changed a single ingredient. You can't improve upon perfection.

Do your readers a favor and print it. They won't be sorry. My mom started making them when she bought the first cookbooklet in 1987, and I have continued the tradition. Thanks! -- SANDRA S., PORT ST. LUCIE, FLA.

DEAR SANDRA: I'm pleased to print the recipe. With summer almost here, those baked beans will make a welcome addition to any barbecue or patio party -- and they're high in fiber, too. Other recipes in the cookbooklet set are also terrific for entertaining when the weather is sweltering. Among them are Summer Cucumber Salad, Cucumber Soup, Abby's Tomato Salad, Summer Surprise Dessert (made with fresh fruit) and Ritz Pecan Pie. All of them are simple and easy to make. The cookbooklet set can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Included with the recipes are tips for not only entertaining, but also how to graciously end a party without being rude -- a question I am frequently asked.

ST.JAMES' BAKED BEANS

(Serves 8)

6 slices bacon, diced

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 (16-ounce) can pork and beans, drained

1 (16-ounce) can lima beans, drained

1 (15-ounce) can kidney beans, rinsed and drained

1 (10-ounce) package sharp cheddar cheese, cubed

1 cup ketchup

3/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Heat oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 1 1/2-quart casserole. In a small skillet, saute the bacon and onions until the bacon is crisp and onions are lightly browned; drain well. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Add bacon-onion mixture; mix well. Pour bean mixture into prepared casserole. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees for 1 1/2 hours. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: Why is it when women get headaches or something goes wrong that depresses them, they take it out on us men? -- SOMETIMES NOT MY FAULT IN SIOUX CITY, IOWA

DEAR SOMETIMES NOT MY FAULT: For the same reason that men do it. It's because you are there.