DEAR ABBY: Your mother's recipes occasionally have been printed in your column. However, there is one of the best that I have never seen yet. It's her "St. James' Baked Beans." If you have never tried it before, then the greatest taste sensation has been missed. I am always invited back to any party -- provided I bring the beans. I have always given your mom full credit for the recipe and have never changed a single ingredient. You can't improve upon perfection.

Do your readers a favor and print it. They won't be sorry. My mom started making them when she bought the first cookbooklet in 1987, and I have continued the tradition. Thanks! -- SANDRA S., PORT ST. LUCIE, FLA.

DEAR SANDRA: I'm pleased to print the recipe. With summer almost here, those baked beans will make a welcome addition to any barbecue or patio party -- and they're high in fiber, too. Other recipes in the cookbooklet set are also terrific for entertaining when the weather is sweltering. Among them are Summer Cucumber Salad, Cucumber Soup, Abby's Tomato Salad, Summer Surprise Dessert (made with fresh fruit) and Ritz Pecan Pie. All of them are simple and easy to make. The cookbooklet set can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Included with the recipes are tips for not only entertaining, but also how to graciously end a party without being rude -- a question I am frequently asked.

ST.JAMES' BAKED BEANS

(Serves 8)

6 slices bacon, diced

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 (16-ounce) can pork and beans, drained

1 (16-ounce) can lima beans, drained

1 (15-ounce) can kidney beans, rinsed and drained

1 (10-ounce) package sharp cheddar cheese, cubed

1 cup ketchup

3/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Heat oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 1 1/2-quart casserole. In a small skillet, saute the bacon and onions until the bacon is crisp and onions are lightly browned; drain well. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Add bacon-onion mixture; mix well. Pour bean mixture into prepared casserole. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees for 1 1/2 hours. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: Why is it when women get headaches or something goes wrong that depresses them, they take it out on us men? -- SOMETIMES NOT MY FAULT IN SIOUX CITY, IOWA

DEAR SOMETIMES NOT MY FAULT: For the same reason that men do it. It's because you are there.

DEAR ABBY: "Little Bit Lonely" (March 26) misses traveling since her husband's death. She wrote that she isn't "good at mingling with new people" and wondered if it would be appropriate to ask her son to include her on weekend trips with his family.

I want to urge "Lonely" to go to her local community college and take classes for seniors. Take any class she might have dreamed of as a young woman. Make friends. Expand her horizons!

I had breast cancer 18 months ago. The day after my surgery, I took stock of my life and decided if I was to follow my childhood dream, what better time than now? I am doing that, and have begun studying voice and theater arts. Do I aspire to be another Helen Reddy or Helen Mirren? No, but I intend to have fun while I take the journey of the rest of my life.

Let me say to her, "Don't be a 'little bit lonely.' Be a little bit too busy!" -- NOT AT ALL LONELY, SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR NOT LONELY: Thank you for an inspiring letter. Other readers shared creative ideas for "Lonely" that might help her set her sails in new directions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Lonely" should organize a trip (even just a weekend jaunt) and invite her son and family along. That would give the son the opportunity to reciprocate her invitation, which could lead to a new family tradition. -- GAYLE IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: My dad passed away eight years ago, and Mom has been on her own ever since. She has become a savvy traveler and has made numerous friends along the way. "Lonely" should look into churches, travel agencies and cruise companies for trips for senior singles. "Lonely" does not need to be alone. My mom goes places with family and is close friends with my mother-in-law, too. One or two trips, and "Lonely" should be able to find a few good friends. -- PROUD OF MY BROOKLYN MOM

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am a widow. I go on my own to football and soccer games as well as other activities that involve my grandchildren. It's my firm belief that it isn't up to my children to entertain me. They have their own busy lives and need their family time.

I have developed my own social life. I met one of my best friends in a choral group, and another when she sat next to me at church. The three of us go to movies, concerts, plays, etc., and they have introduced me to many new activities. Senior centers sponsor computer classes, bingo and day excursions, and community colleges offer classes in photography, writing, yoga for a nominal fee. Be willing to work through some discomfort and take some risks. -- NOT A BIT LONELY

DEAR ABBY: Here's what I'd tell "Lonely": Take a course in self-development. Programs are available for developing skills and learning to live life from the perspective of "possibilities."

Do something for someone in a nursing home or visit Alzheimer's patients. Read to them or just hold a hand. When you get a smile from these patients, you'll know your presence really makes a difference. Join the Red Hat Society. Most of the members are alone and have a great time together.

Volunteer at church, teach Sunday school, work with the homeless in a shelter. Do something for someone who has less. Our world needs people with warm hearts and the time to contribute. You will be amazed at how great you'll feel. -- LORRAINE IN ENCINITAS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Derek," confessed to me that while he was out with friends on a work-related trip, he drank too much and danced with and kissed another woman. He didn't tell me right away. He planned to tell me sometime in the future, but his conscience bothered him, so he told me five days later.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. We have a small child. Derek is a good man, but he has violated my trust. I can't forget and I don't know if I can forgive. We've had our ups and downs, and the past year has been particularly stressful.

When he returned from the trip, he was the perfect husband -- loving, attentive, devoted -- exactly what I had been missing. To find out that what was behind this change in his behavior was guilt is devastating. I'm not sure I want to be with him anymore. Am I overreacting? -- THROWN IN MARYLAND

DEAR THROWN: Yes -- but that doesn't mean you should ignore what happened. Before you throw away what could be a perfectly good marriage, it's important you and Derek work through what caused those "ups and downs" that led to what was missing in your relationship. A marriage counselor could be very helpful right now. If Derek didn't love you and want to make things right, he wouldn't have told you about what he did. For that, I respect him, and so should you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are recently retired. We've happily settled into a morning routine of breakfast, reading the paper and exercising. Some days we don't bother to shower and dress until late morning.

A friend, "Herb," who is also retired, frequently drops by unannounced between 8 a.m. and noon. You'd think that after catching me still in my robe and my husband in sweaty workout clothes, Herb would get the message that it's not convenient to visit, but he continues. I see no way of stopping this short of being blunt, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. We see him and his wife at many social events.

My question is, what's the etiquette regarding calling ahead to let someone know you would like to stop by? Maybe if you answer this in the newspaper, Herb will see it and recognize himself. We need help! -- FRUSTRATED IN BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: And what if Herb doesn't see the column today? It has been known to happen with even the most devoted Dear Abby readers. There is nothing hurtful or rude about telling someone who drops by when you're not presentable that you're embarrassed to be "caught" that way, and to please call before coming over to ask if it's convenient. If necessary, say you read it in my column.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Celia" is 32 and single. She's beautiful, intelligent, hardworking and a great cook -- but she can't keep a boyfriend! Celia has dated a lot of men and has no problem attracting them, but she does have a problem keeping them. After a few dates, they don't want to go out with her anymore. I don't know why. Have you any ideas? -- CONCERNED ABOUT MY GIRL IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONCERNED: Is Celia as anxious about her single status as you are? If so, few things chase a man off faster than a woman who's looking for a commitment too quickly. However, having never met or spoken with your daughter, I can't say what may be causing the men in her life to head for the door. Perhaps she should ask some of her friends for some honest feedback.