DEAR ABBY: I recently had a conversation with my married sister that left me speechless. While making plans to visit me for a few days, she asked if I could "hook her up" with any guys. I was shocked. Not only was it awkward, it left me feeling disgusted.

If a person is unhappy in his or her marriage, shouldn't the marriage be ended before looking for someone else? (By the way, my brother-in-law thinks they have a great marriage.)

A few days later, my sister informed me that her "boyfriend" had broken things off with her. I am dumbfounded! My sister will be coming to spend some time with me soon, and I'm sure this subject is bound to come up again. How do I handle a situation I find so offensive? -- DUMBSTRUCK DOWN SOUTH

DEAR DUMBSTRUCK: Handle it by telling your sister exactly what you have written to me. That should get the message across succinctly.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl with five younger siblings. It's tough to get along with everyone, but my 8-year-old sister, "Annie," is especially difficult. She doesn't get along with anyone.

Annie steals constantly. This has been going on since she could walk. She steals jewelry, makeup, toys, books and money. The only way to get these things back is by searching her room. Our relatives say she'll grow out of this, but it happens every day. She destroys and breaks the things she steals -- including projects and homework.

My parents have tried everything -- taking her things, grounding her, taking away privileges -- yet Annie doesn't stop. She lies and becomes frantic, and I'm worried something is wrong. None of us have ever behaved like her. What should we do? -- WORRIED SISTER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WORRIED SISTER: The behavior you have described could be symptoms of a serious emotional disturbance. It won't be corrected until your parents understand what's driving your sister to steal and lie. If Annie hasn't already been evaluated by her pediatrician and a mental health professional, it should be done as soon as possible. Please show this to your parents.

DEAR ABBY: I recently agreed to support my neighbor as she participated in a charity walk for breast cancer. Through a mutual friend I found out that my neighbor rode a free bus for a portion of the 13.1-mile walk. She has since tried to collect the "donation." I have politely declined to pay, due to the circumstances. I feel I am justified since the donation was predicated on her completion of the walk. What do you think? -- STICKLER IN COLORADO

DEAR STICKLER: Is it possible that your neighbor rode the bus a portion of the way because she was unable to make it through the 13.1-mile walk? For heaven's sake, it's not as if she would be pocketing the money. Give her the donation in the form of a check made out to the charity. It's for a worthy cause -- and tax-deductible.

DEAR READERS: Today is Administrative Professionals Day, the day we pause to acknowledge and thank the diligent, caring, hardworking men and women whose efforts make the workplace function smoothly and efficiently for their employers. Orchids to all of you. Speaking as one lucky employer, I know I am truly blessed. -- XXX ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Feeling Guilty in North Carolina" (March 18), who feels guilty using address labels, calendars and notepads from organizations soliciting donations. Last year, for about six months, I collected all the requests for donations I received. Abby, the total was 532 requests from 119 organizations! Yes, I'm overwhelmed, and I no longer feel guilty about tossing them. I sent all of them letters requesting they delete my name from their lists. One hundred eighteen ignored my request. One asked how often I want information from them.

I give the notepads and other enclosures to Goodwill and shred the labels. Ironically, I receive more labels now than ever before, even though I pay most bills online and email rather than write. I donate less than I ever have in the past because I feel so hounded, so in my case, it has worked against them. -- KAREN H. IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR KAREN: Thanks for the input. Letters from readers complaining about charitable donation requests with labels arrive in my office on a daily basis, so you can imagine the mail I have received in response to the one I printed from "Feeling Guilty." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, receive many "gifts" from organizations soliciting for donations. My view is, if they're using my donation to send gifts, then they really don't need my money. They should be using donations to help whomever or whatever it is they're soliciting for. I don't feel guilty in the least for using the labels, gifts, etc. I give to organizations that do not send out freebies; that's how I direct my charitable donations. -- SABRINA W., SOUTHGATE, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a professional fundraiser and I, too, receive the pads and address labels. I do not give to every organization that sends them, but I do use what they send. No one should feel guilty for doing so. Nonprofits buy and rent lists from companies, and they don't expect everyone to respond. Nonprofits aren't trying to make anyone feel guilty or trick them; they just want to do the work of the causes you love to support. -- SUZANNE L., STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: Many solicitation letters have a small box at the bottom asking you to indicate if you would like to be taken off their mailing list. It's worth the 44 cents to return it.

Some areas recycle junk mail. After removing the address labels, the rest can be put in the recycling bin with newspapers. Note pads, greeting cards and calendar gifts could be donated to a military personnel drive, thrift store, nursing home or community center. -- MARY F., STUART, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: We contacted the post office and were instructed not to open the envelope, to write "Refused -- Return to Sender" on the front and put it back in the mailbox. The post office can then decide what to do with it. -- SANDRA M., MUKWONAGO, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: There's nothing "free" when organizations try to guilt us into sending money. My solution for all this junk is, use the labels and anything personalized if I like them; if not, destroy them. Anything else I give to a nursing home, local children's museum to use for crafts or to the Goodwill. When coins are attached, I put them in a jar and give them to my church. -- CLAIRE P., PORTLAND, MAINE

DEAR ABBY: My mother and stepfather, "Rick," are being divorced after 12 years of marriage. Mom had an affair, and I understand that Rick is angry, but he is being vindictive. My sisters and I have tried hard to maintain a relationship with him, but he doesn't understand this is his divorce. It shouldn't involve us or the rest of the family, but Rick has involved everyone.

He says we have to choose sides, and if we're on his side, we must cut off contact with our mother. When we said we weren't about to take sides, he got angry. He has told his side of the family that we're horrible people, and they're not allowed to have contact with us any longer.

Abby, these are people we have known for 12 years. They want a relationship with us and we with them, but after the terrible things Rick has said about us, we don't know if we can face them. Please tell us what to do. Any advice would be helpful. -- NEEDS AN OPINION IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS AN OPINION: Your almost-former stepfather is upset. He wants to punish your mother. For him to demand you "divorce" her in order to maintain a relationship with him is childish and unrealistic. The only person he's really isolating is himself, which is sad.

Rick's family has had 12 years to get to know you and your sisters. I'm sure they recognize that he is being irrational. Please don't allow yourselves to be intimidated by whatever he might have said about you. Talk to them. Burn no bridges. The divorce will end and life will go on. If the relationship you have had with these people was built on a solid foundation, it will endure.

DEAR ABBY: I am an average-looking, middle-aged woman. I have many friends and a career I love. What I do not have is a partner. It breaks my heart. I feel excluded from an important part of life -- romantic love.

I have had relationships with men. All of them were disasters. At the age I am now, there seems to be little or no hope of finding anyone.

Most of my friends are married or in committed relationships, and I feel like an outsider. I am involved in my church and my career, and to all outward appearances, I look happy and successful.

But, Abby, inside I am terrified that I'll be alone forever. Sometimes I wonder how I will survive this life. How do I cope with my sadness and my fear of being alone forever? I hope for some good advice. -- SINGLE IN DIXIE

DEAR SINGLE: There are worse things than being alone. Chief among them is being stuck in a relationship (formal or otherwise) with someone who isn't right for you. If you are spending most of your time with couples, perhaps you should arrange to spend more time with other singles. Expand your circle. Travel, if you can afford it. It will make you a less depressed, more interesting person to be around.

If you need help for your depression, talk to a therapist. But never tell yourself you will never meet someone. It's self-defeating. People of every age meet and fall in love every day, and they are being married at later ages, too.