DEAR ABBY: My mother and stepfather, "Rick," are being divorced after 12 years of marriage. Mom had an affair, and I understand that Rick is angry, but he is being vindictive. My sisters and I have tried hard to maintain a relationship with him, but he doesn't understand this is his divorce. It shouldn't involve us or the rest of the family, but Rick has involved everyone.

He says we have to choose sides, and if we're on his side, we must cut off contact with our mother. When we said we weren't about to take sides, he got angry. He has told his side of the family that we're horrible people, and they're not allowed to have contact with us any longer.

Abby, these are people we have known for 12 years. They want a relationship with us and we with them, but after the terrible things Rick has said about us, we don't know if we can face them. Please tell us what to do. Any advice would be helpful. -- NEEDS AN OPINION IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS AN OPINION: Your almost-former stepfather is upset. He wants to punish your mother. For him to demand you "divorce" her in order to maintain a relationship with him is childish and unrealistic. The only person he's really isolating is himself, which is sad.

Rick's family has had 12 years to get to know you and your sisters. I'm sure they recognize that he is being irrational. Please don't allow yourselves to be intimidated by whatever he might have said about you. Talk to them. Burn no bridges. The divorce will end and life will go on. If the relationship you have had with these people was built on a solid foundation, it will endure.

DEAR ABBY: I am an average-looking, middle-aged woman. I have many friends and a career I love. What I do not have is a partner. It breaks my heart. I feel excluded from an important part of life -- romantic love.

I have had relationships with men. All of them were disasters. At the age I am now, there seems to be little or no hope of finding anyone.

Most of my friends are married or in committed relationships, and I feel like an outsider. I am involved in my church and my career, and to all outward appearances, I look happy and successful.

But, Abby, inside I am terrified that I'll be alone forever. Sometimes I wonder how I will survive this life. How do I cope with my sadness and my fear of being alone forever? I hope for some good advice. -- SINGLE IN DIXIE

DEAR SINGLE: There are worse things than being alone. Chief among them is being stuck in a relationship (formal or otherwise) with someone who isn't right for you. If you are spending most of your time with couples, perhaps you should arrange to spend more time with other singles. Expand your circle. Travel, if you can afford it. It will make you a less depressed, more interesting person to be around.

If you need help for your depression, talk to a therapist. But never tell yourself you will never meet someone. It's self-defeating. People of every age meet and fall in love every day, and they are being married at later ages, too.

DEAR ABBY: I am a nice, charming, likable young man in my mid-20s. I have almost no friends. I rarely see the ones I do have because they don't live in my province. I can count the number of people I consider friends on one hand. I am close with my family, though none of them live close enough to see regularly. I work from home, so there's no one I come in contact with daily except my husband, whom I love dearly.

I know there are things I could do to meet more people and make friends, but I don't really want to. Maintaining friendships feels like more work than it's worth to me. I don't dislike people and I'm certainly not a snob. But when I have a conversation, it feels like I'm trying to be interesting for their sake and I don't really care about them, and I wonder why they seem to care about me.

I'm not bitter or lonely, but I don't think this is normal. Should I accept that this is who I am, or should I worry? -- LONER IN TORONTO

DEAR LONER: Excuse me, but there are contradictions in your letter. If you weren't concerned that there was something to worry about, you wouldn't have written to me. Now it's time for you to talk to a counselor and take a deeper look at what's really going on. My intuition tells me there may be issues you need to address.

DEAR ABBY: I was in a long-term relationship with a man who died recently. After his death I found out he had other girlfriends while he was with me. It turns out he was a con man who used women. I am stunned, sad, hurt, angry and feel like a fool.

When people who knew us as a couple see me, they ask about him. When I say he died, they respond by offering condolences over "my loss." Should I thank them for their kindness and leave it at that, or should I tell them the truth about him so they won't waste time feeling bad about his demise? -- TRICKED IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR TRICKED: If it will make you feel better to vent, do it. However, if rehashing the unhappy details would make you feel worse, keep them to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dealing with an anxiety disorder I thought I had beaten. I hadn't had an attack in years, until I found myself having one recently at the gym. I ran to the dressing room in tears to battle it out, and was practicing breathing deeply when I spotted something shiny in the far corner of the room. I immediately flashed on the "pennies from heaven" letters I have read in your column and, still crying, went to see what it was. As soon as I saw it was a penny, I felt calmer.

Abby, I haven't lost anyone close who might have sent me a penny, but when I picked it up it had the year of my birth on it. I understood then it was intended for me, and my anxiety dissipated.

I'm confused, though. Is this something our guardian angels share amongst themselves, or did an unknown angel take pity on me? -- JENNIFER IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR JENNIFER: The subject of guardian angels is a spiritual one -- and very personal. I believe that some of us have guardian angels right here on Earth watching over us as well as those from above. And if one of them had a spare moment, it wouldn't be atypical to help out someone in a (penny) pinch.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dealing with an anxiety disorder I thought I had beaten. I hadn't had an attack in years, until I found myself having one recently at the gym. I ran to the dressing room in tears to battle it out, and was practicing breathing deeply when I spotted something shiny in the far corner of the room. I immediately flashed on the "pennies from heaven" letters I have read in your column and, still crying, went to see what it was. As soon as I saw it was a penny, I felt calmer.

Abby, I haven't lost anyone close who might have sent me a penny, but when I picked it up it had the year of my birth on it. I understood then it was intended for me, and my anxiety dissipated.

I'm confused, though. Is this something our guardian angels share amongst themselves, or did an unknown angel take pity on me? -- JENNIFER IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR JENNIFER: The subject of guardian angels is a spiritual one -- and very personal. I believe that some of us have guardian angels right here on Earth watching over us as well as those from above. And if one of them had a spare moment, it wouldn't be atypical to help out someone in a (penny) pinch.

DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. I am 13, and my mom makes me buy clothes a size larger than what I need or want. I wear a size 0 pant and my closet is filled with 2's. Mom likes her clothing loose, but I don't like mine to fit that way. She claims she buys my clothes big so I can "grow into them." But how much am I going to grow at this age?

I don't like the way these clothes fit, and it seems like a waste of money because I like expensive things. Mom bought me tops a year ago that are just beginning to fit me now. She doesn't like shopping very much, and this disagreement makes it harder for both of us. I've tried talking to her. Please help, Abby. -- LOOSE AND BAGGY IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR LOOSE AND BAGGY: At age 13 it's entirely within the realm of possibility that you haven't yet achieved full growth. If the tops your mother bought a year ago are just beginning to fit you now, it's because although you may not have grown taller, you are beginning to fill out. That may very well continue to happen with the rest of your figure over the next couple of years -- or sooner.

While you and your mother may never have the same fashion taste, please trust her judgment for now. She has your best interests at heart.

DEAR ABBY: I don't like my 25-year-old daughter's fiance. He never went to college, works a low-paying job and doesn't know how to manage money. He floats through life and doesn't appear to have any goals. I have raised these issues with my daughter in the past, but she didn't want to hear it.

I know I can't choose her husband, and she's free to make her own choices. My problem is, I don't want to plan the wedding. Every time I think about planning it, my heart aches and my stomach sinks. There is no excitement for my daughter. What should I do? Fake it, or level with her about not wanting to be a part of this? -- ANXIOUS AND WORRIED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your daughter already knows how you feel about her fiance. When parents plan and/or pay for a wedding it is a gift, not a requirement. At 25, your daughter is old enough -- and should be independent enough -- to plan (and pay) for it with her fiance. It will be good practice for what lies ahead after her trip to the altar.

DEAR ABBY: I volunteer with a support group and have fallen for one of the members. I'm certain she doesn't know my feelings. I have respected her right to pursue the support she sought without the complication of romance.

I have been resigned to the fact that an extraordinary woman has simply crossed my path under the wrong circumstances. However, a trusted friend has suggested that special people come only rarely into our lives and that I should consider leaving my role as facilitator to pursue her. I'm now struggling over what to do. I find great satisfaction in my volunteer work, but am drawn to this woman. -- TORN BETWEEN TWO DESIRES

DEAR TORN: If you approach the woman while she's a member of your group, it could be considered a breach of ethics. Therefore it might be better if you wait until she is strong enough to leave the group before you approach her for a personal relationship.