DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited to a relative's home because my nephew was introducing his fiancee, "Macy," to the family. I asked my nephew what gift Macy might like, and he suggested a sweater and told me her size. I bought her a lovely one -- at least, I thought it was lovely.

After Macy tried it on, I was shocked when she handed it back to me and said she didn't like it. I couldn't exchange or return it because it had been purchased from a store where I live, and this store doesn't have a branch in their state. I took the gift home with me and got a refund. Now I don't know what to do.

Because Macy gave it back to me, does she forfeit the gift? Should I send her the amount of the store refund? Do I owe her anything as a substitute for the gift she refused? She will be a part of our family, and I need to know what to do if this happens again. I'd appreciate your thoughts. --GIFT-CHALLENGED IN IOWA

DEAR GIFT-CHALLENGED: If ever I heard about someone who needs an etiquette book, it's your nephew's fiancee. Make it a thick one, because she appears to be clueless in that department. As to what to do if this happens again -- you can prevent it from happening by not selecting any more gifts for her. A donation in her name to a favorite charity might work if you feel obligated to give her something.

DEAR ABBY: The love of my life, "Adam," is leaving for school in August. He's going to Portland, Ore., to pursue his studies in renewable energy engineering. My passion is nursing. I'm currently finishing up my college requirements and waiting to get into the program. My college credits won't transfer, so if I went with Adam, I'd either have to start over or wait until I got back home to resume.

I'm wary of long-distance relationships, but I don't want to be separated from Adam for two years. We have discussed taking turns flying out to see each other and staying in touch via phone and the Internet. But I still get sad thinking about the time we'll be apart. We are both determined individuals, and in the chaos of life we have managed to find a fairy tale. Everyone has given us their advice about our situation and it hasn't helped. Do you have any words of reassurance for us? -- LOVELORN IN PHOENIX

DEAR LOVELORN: You and Adam appear to be intelligent, focused and mature young people. Although you have built a "fairy tale" together, building a solid future will take some sacrifice on both your parts. Being apart will allow each of you to concentrate fully on your studies. If you love each other, and it appears you do, you will get through the challenge and emerge stronger than ever.

DEAR ABBY: I found out my high school sweetheart has cancer and only a short time to live. I would like to send her flowers and a message -- but without the knowledge of my wife of 43 years. Is this a bad idea? -- OLD FLAME IN ILLINOIS

DEAR OLD FLAME: Frankly, I see no reason why you should sneak around to do it without your wife's knowledge. Tell her word has reached you that the woman is dying, that at the time you knew her she meant a lot to you, and you plan to send her flowers and a message. If your wife is so insecure that she would tell you not to, don't do it. But, please, don't beat around the bush or sneak around. You're all adults, and being secretive is childish.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: It's time to hide the matzo again -- Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: A member of my gym brings her newborn in with her every morning. She sets the carrier down next to her treadmill, puts in her earplugs and runs. The baby usually cries on and off, but today he cried nonstop during my entire 20-minute workout. It drove me crazy.

I'm a mom, too. A crying baby, especially a newborn, is heartbreaking. This woman never stops to see why her little one is crying or to console him. This situation doesn't seem to bother the other gym members. Should I talk to her and risk a hostile response, or speak to the gym manager? -- HEAVY-HEARTED GYM BUNNY IN RIVERVIEW, FLA.

DEAR GYM BUNNY: Talk to the manager. The crying infant may not bother the other gym members, but it bothers you. The woman isn't stopping her workout to see what may be wrong because with her earbuds in she can't hear the child, which doesn't make her a candidate for mother of the year. She's causing a distraction and an inconvenience to you, so speak up.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my high school sweetheart, "Don," for 10 years. I love him dearly. We were very young when we married, and at the time he said he didn't want kids. I didn't give it much thought because back then we weren't ready to start a family. Now, Don still doesn't want kids -- but I do.

He says if children are that important to me, I should leave him and find someone who does want to be a parent. Of course, I don't want just any man's baby. I want his baby.

Don has warned me that if I become pregnant, he'll probably leave. He's planning to have a vasectomy even though I'm against it. I don't know what to do. This is the only problem we have. He won't agree to counseling -- I've already suggested it. I can't picture myself starting over with another man or going my whole life without being a mother. Please help. -- UNFULFILLED IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR UNFULFILLED: Your husband has given you fair warning. Your now have an important choice to make. Because having a child is so important to you, my advice is to start "picturing" yourself with another husband, and do it in enough time that you won't be racing against your biological clock.

DEAR ABBY: My partner has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. As time goes on, I know I will lose him more and more. How do I do this and allow him to keep his dignity? Life comes full circle, and I understand that. I keep trying to dwell in the present and not think too far ahead. I don't know where to turn. How do you start the long goodbye? -- LOST IN PHOENIX

DEAR LOST: The first thing you need to do is contact the Alzheimer's Association. The Alzheimer's Association can guide you on the journey ahead of you and provide a source of emotional support if you join one of its caregiver's groups. The toll-free phone number is (800) 272-3900 and the website is alz.org.

You and your partner should also make certain now that his wishes for end-of-life care are clearly stated in writing, so that when the time comes, they will be respected. Then take each day as it comes, thank God for the good ones, have patience when they are less so, and take good care of yourself because that will be key to ensuring your partner gets the best care possible.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently returned from a vacation where we had a disagreement regarding hotel service and towels.

Regarding the towels, my wife thinks we should hang them to dry daily for reuse later. I say the cost of washing the towels is included in the price of the room, and I want a fresh towel daily.

The other issue is my wife feels obligated to tip the housekeeping staff. I have never felt that obligation. Not a single housekeeper has been exceptional, regardless of the hotel we stayed in.

We're hoping you could shed some light on hotel etiquette. -- WEST VIRGINIA TRAVELER

DEAR TRAVELER: Your wife appears to be a conservationist. Although you prefer fresh towels daily, many travelers voluntarily forgo this service to help hotels conserve water and save energy. If you prefer to do otherwise, that's your privilege -- and it's not worth arguing over.

As to tipping the housekeeping staff, has it occurred to you that you have never received exceptional service because you never offered a tip? Some hotel guests talk to the housekeeper at the time they arrive to request extra hangers, soap, washcloths, etc. -- and offer a gratuity at that time. And when they do, the staff usually goes out of their way to be accommodating. Try it -- they need the extra money, and they'll spoil you if you let them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Parker," and I have a 4-year-old son, "Ethan." Recently, my mother-in-law suggested we have a will drawn up, stating who will take care of Ethan if something happens to us. She's an attorney and has offered to do it for us.

Parker and I agree that it is a good idea and appreciate her offer to do the paperwork. The problem? We don't want her raising our son. We have another relative in mind.

My mother-in-law is a nice enough person and would not be cruel or abusive to Ethan, but she was not a good mother to Parker and his siblings. She's extremely selfish and self-absorbed. We know she'll be extremely offended if we don't name her as our child's guardian.

I would like to hire another attorney, but she will take offense to that as well. She hasn't stopped hounding us about this issue. Please tell us how to handle this. -- TRAPPED IN THE GOLDEN STATE

DEAR TRAPPED: Hire an attorney and have the document drawn up. And when your mother-in-law raises the subject again, you and Parker should thank her and tell her it has already been done, so she doesn't have to worry about it anymore. The woman may be selfish and self-absorbed, but she is absolutely right that you should have your wishes put in writing.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were taught differently regarding how to serve ourselves a meal. Typically, we each "plate up" a desired amount of food in the kitchen, where it is prepared, rather than bring serving dishes to the table. Then we carry our plates to the table to eat.

Should my husband serve himself first (as I was taught the cook/hostess is served last), or should I go first (as he was taught women precede men)? -- DINERS' DILEMMA

DEAR D.D.: You're not "the hostess"; you are the wife. If your husband wishes to defer to you, let him spoil you. You'll both be happier that way.

P.S. I'm sure you can find a way to spoil him back.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)